Why do teenage girls only hang around in groups of odd numbers?

Because OMG they can’t even.

πŸ‘︎ 497
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rob_Haggis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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I love my local team so much I hang from the ceiling and spin around.

I'm a big fan.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bryanBr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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Why do farmers hang bells around the necks off their cows?

Because the horns doesnt work

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombiesAtHome
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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Why don’t koala bears hang around with all the other bears?

Because they don't meet the koala-fications.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eachard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
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Why are penguins so nice to hang around?

They're always chill

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arctureas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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What did the scarf say to the hat? You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brookscorbs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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Why do all of the vegetables like to hang around with the mushroom?

Because he's a fun-gi!

My dad has been telling that joke at restaurants my whole life. Saluti dad!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadAndNationwide
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
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What do you call a mafia member that hangs around a certain Scottish body of water?

Loch Ness Mobster

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HHStorm21
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2018
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Just Gonna Hang Around imgur.com/WinxSTX
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PunnyAfternoon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2014
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What kind of spice hangs around in a courtroom?

A BAY LEAF!!!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eyeballshurt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2014
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I really don't like hanging around horses. Every time I come up with an idea, they say it won't work.

They're a bunch of neigh-sayers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobskimo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
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Winnie the Poop (not a traditional dad joke)

This is not a traditional /r/dadjokes with a delivery and a punchline.

I just wanted all dad's, with kids around 2-6, to know that changing the name of Winnie the Pooh to Winnie the Poop will generate maniacal laughter from your kids. Especially if you combine it with singing the theme song from the movie.

As an added bonus, there is no statute of limitations on when you add the extra P. You can say: Winnie the Poop Winnie the Pooh...P Or Winnie the Pooh...... ...... .... P And your kids will laugh just as hard.

I've gone a full minute without saying the last P, while my kids hang on my every facial movement.

Enjoy

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elChardo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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It's time for me to stop hanging around this sub

I have outgroan it

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YoureAMuenster
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2017
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Why was the Pokemon hanging around the dressing room?

Because he wants a pikachu.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikatnight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2016
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I'd like to thank my legs for always supporting me, my arms for always being by my side and my fingers...

I could always count on them.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shwastedd
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
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a joke my dad told that took 2 weeks to pay off

(the joke makes more sense in dutch)

My dad talking to my nephew about his pet horse he used to have.

"My horse was an oddball, wherever we'd go he'd look for water to splash around in. one time we went to the beach and he'd jump into the water and swim around."

Two weeks later we're hanging out and my aunt tells dad she heard the story about his horse, and asked what kind of horse it was.

"a seahorse"

(in dutch he talked about a dog, and a seal in dutch is "zeehond" (seadog))

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewney
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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My friend has been learning magic as a quarantine hobby. I present to you: my oc list of magician jokes and puns I invented to annoy him.

Did you hear about the magician who grabbed Eminem so hard his SnapBack fell off?

He pulled a rabbit out of his hat

What do you call a magician who is an administrator at a college, but nobody knows what students he is in charge of?

Whose dean’s he?

A magician went out to the store and bought a big metal structure so he could hang upside down and do situps. He also loved painting, but because of his style he often knocked the canvas around while dabbing on the paint. So he bought another, wooden structure, like an easel, but with clamps to hold the painting in place while he prodded it with the paintbrush. His wife asked, as he brought them in, what the hell he had just bought. He replied:

β€œAb rack and dab rack”

What do you call a magician with very skinny fingers?

Slight of hand

The magician’s wife brought him to the store to buy gifts for a birthday party. She picked out a lovely candle, but wanted to include a nice note. The magician knew just what to do. He brought her down an aisle, found a section marked β€œbirthday,” and said:

β€œPick a card, any card”

The Russian magician, in 1932, found an amazing new piece for his act: a giant, wooden sarcophagus in the shape of a beautiful woman. The piece had giant, metal blades inside at waist level. They were locked in place while it was open, but retracted as it closed, making it seem as though the magician had escaped death. But one day, while he was practicing, the great sarcophagus fell over - door still open - right on the magician. When he was found, he was cut right in two. Moral of the story:

In Soviet Russia, box woman saws you.

Okay that’s it. I’m so sorry, I have nothing better to do.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nsk09003
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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I hear prisoners in jail get drunk a lot

They hang around bars 24/7.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2017
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The Blitz of Puns

It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.

Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.

When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.

The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really don’t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you don’t overload your capacitors.

The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.

Scissors always cut to the point.

Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you don’t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.

When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.

Mr. Tea says, ”Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”

i c e i c e w a t e r

Architecture is an aspiring career path.

β€˜Pun’ puns don’t add up. The are starting to get negative receptions.

I’ll do algebra. I’ll even do calculus. But graphing is where I draw the line.

Plants should always rooted in the ground.

Never argue with people when they are right or nobody will be left hanging out with you.

Rocks make boulder moves. This means they are pelite and not jagged. Don’t take these puns for granite.

Cheese puns are grate because you don’t have to ask for parmesan to use them.

Eskimos have cold personality. It is an ice society, but some of their history chills my spine.

My dog died a few years ago. It was really ruff.

I am not a fan of wind turbines.

Life is like driftwood. You never know where you will float.

Christmas lights stick together. When one goes out, they all do.

Puns about communism are only funny if everyone gets them.

Rocket scientists cannot fuel around or something bad can happen.

A baker is someone who kneads to make baked goods.

I sometimes wear stripes to avoid being spotted.

Sponges are great at absorbing liquids.

Contrary to the name, relationships have nothing to do with boats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmanofdoom95
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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What do drunken astronauts and a typist's thumbs have in common?

They both hang around the space bar!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WholesomeRanger
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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Coroner Dad: He died at precisely 11-45 p.m.

Detective: Are you positive?

Coroner: It’s difficult with all the dead bodies around, but I’m hanging in there.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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What did the Spanish moss say to the cypress?

Mind if I hang around?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/electric_leper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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Staying dry

While visiting my school program for a multi-night trip, teachers asked how we would keep students dry in the rain. I talked about our classrooms and other indoor areas, and said they can easily make time to change clothes midday.

"I like to have my students change socks at lunch, hang them to dry, and then use them again the next morning. The socks still get worn 24 hours, but they have morning and afternoon socks."

One teacher got excited and agreed, pointed at her thigh, and said "These are my day jeans!"

I slowly looked around the room, making eye contact with all the teachers. "Does that make you a-" pause for effect "-day jean believer?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mt_n_man
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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Why koala bears don't hang around all other bears?

Because they don't meet the koala-fications.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElexCube
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
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What did the hat say to the scarf?

You hang around I'll go on a head

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dukesinbad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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What did the hat say to the scarf?

You hang around here, I’ll go on ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 410
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juhaodbrokule
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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What did the tie say to the hat?

"You go on ahead, and I'll hang around here."

πŸ‘︎ 228
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aceofdarts68
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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What did the scarf say to the hat?

I’m going to hang around here, you go on a head.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cormac-Dockry
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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What did the scarf say to the hat?

You can go on a head. I’ll just hang around.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/an_demon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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What did the hat say to the scarf?

You can hang around. I'll just go on ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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What did the hat say to the scarf?

You can hang around. I'll just go on ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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What did the scarf say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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What did the scarf say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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What did the scarf say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the hat say to the scarf?

You can hang around. I'll just go on ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the hat say to the scarf?

You can hang around. I'll just go on ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the hat say to the scarf?

You can hang around. I'll just go on ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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What did the scarf say to the beanie?

You go on a head, I'll just hang around here.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearinthegarden14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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What did the tie say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I’ll hang around.

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Robsta68
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2018
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What did the hat say to the tie?

β€œYou hang around here…I’ll go on a head.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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What did the tie say to the hat?

You go on ahead and I'll hang around

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the scarf say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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What did the scarf say to the hat?

You go on ahead; I'm gonna hang around.

πŸ‘︎ 325
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blinkle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the tie say to the hat?

"You go on ahead, I'll hang around here"

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MightyMoist
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
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What did the necklace say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I’ll hang around.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
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