I go to the store and buy 2 eggs, a loaf of bread, and some milk. The cashier says β€œyou must be single” and I respond with β€œhow did you know?”

She responded, β€œ because you are ugly!”

πŸ‘︎ 205
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkwad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
🚨︎ report
β€œBack in the day...” my dad started to say. β€œYou could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...” he lamented...

β€œWherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"

πŸ‘︎ 191
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
What did the loaf of bread say when the grocery bagger squished it?

DOUGH!!!!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ziegss
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
That's using your loaf.
πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToughBeingAPig
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
What do you call a loaf of sourdough baked by a redhead?

Ginger bread.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaffynitionMaker
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
What a courteous loaf of bread!

Thanks, it's been well risen.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZMech
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
How do you feed 1000 people with one loaf of bread?

You cut the ends and now you have endless bread.

Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/houseme
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A baker was preparing the dough for a loaf of his famous bread, while his son watched.

He slid the loaf into the oven to bake. He told his son, β€œThis bread is for a very special occasion, so I’m going to make a back-up.” He then plopped an extra loaf’s worth of dough onto the table, sliced it into two equal pieces, and immediately put them away. The boy asked, β€œDad, why’d you do that?” The baker smiled and told his son, β€œIt’s better to halve it and not knead it.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/radioclash86
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
My friend is such a slacker. He does his work and then loafs the rest of the day...

He's making good money being a baker tho...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
I just LOAF that suitcase, and i KNEAD one now...
πŸ‘︎ 101
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/convict99
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Nothing like relaxing on the couch with a nice mer-loaf imgur.com/dhhpBGM
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
I loaf it πŸ˜‚
πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yugvijay
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to the zoo and all I saw was a single loaf of bread in the middle of one exhibit

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.

πŸ‘︎ 110
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Copey85
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do bread loafs say to each other when they meet?

"Gluten-tag homeslice!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/killavanilla415
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I loaf myself for not thinking of this sooner
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-Pinetree
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I had this loaf but have since replaced it.
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snrckrd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I loaf this
πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lazy_leena
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Every loaf of bread is a tragic reminder of what can happen to grain

if it doesn't become whiskey.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A wife asked her husband to go to the store and pick up a loaf of bread

β€œIf they have eggs, get a dozen” she said. A half hour later, the husband comes home with 12 loaves of bread

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nakedurlrobot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was little I saw this kid in my neighborhood dragging around a loaf of bread on a leash. To be funny, I said β€œHey, you have a beautiful dog!”, he responded,

β€œThanks, it’s pure bread!”.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
On a loaf of bread I bought
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kidra31r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the zoo today and saw a loaf of bread in one of the enclosures

Turns out it was bread in captivity

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/samworger
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a little loaf of bread that you can look up to?

A roll model

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chrondo157
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Local news reports an armed and dangerous loaf of bread:

they say he's packing wheat.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fizzymilkcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does the person putting your groceries in a bag at grocery store always ask where you want your eggs and your loaf of bread?

Because baggers can’t be choosers.

πŸ‘︎ 97
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thatoneguykc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the loaf of bread jump out of the oven and back onto the counter?

Because it always feels good to be kneaded.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thelionmermaid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
New types of sliced loaf aren't invented, or discovered...

They're bread.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/twinbladeArisen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Last night I baked a loaf of deer bread.

This morning it was sour doe.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jadekinsjackson
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a douchebag "loaf"?

A brat

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rettalic
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What does the sun and a loaf of bread have in common?

They both rise in the yeast

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Darkhemispheres
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a comatose loaf of bread?

Grain-dead

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OdinsMakingSmores
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the loaf of bread say when he lost everything?

At yeast I have my health!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/QuiltedButts
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Don’t let your meat loaf.

Alternatively, don’t let your hotdog stand.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/localglocal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
🚨︎ report
All I ate for dinner was a loaf of brown bread.

That was my wholemeal.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
What a cute little dough-eyed pup, I'd loaf to have a pet like that
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/karenkarenina
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to a fancy dress party last week dressed as a loaf of bread.

The birds were all over me.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nipply_Prickles
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I accidentally broke a window while tossing a loaf of stale french bread

What a pain, what a pane, what a pain

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2018
🚨︎ report
You know that crazy story about the baker who attacked a man with a loaf of bread?

I heard it's not all true, so take it with a grain assault

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/treasonouscookie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I hope these bread puns make you loaf out loud imgur.com/gallery/gf0IUXf…
πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blaykk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2014
🚨︎ report
I let my wife borrow a loaf of sweet Jewish bread, but she never returned it

Cause she ain't no challah back girl.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clambake42
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2017
🚨︎ report
You would loaf being yourself if you found out you were inbread, am I rye?
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kaleidosky
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2015
🚨︎ report
Why did your dad name the family dog Loaf?

Because he's a purebread.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skullmonkey_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2016
🚨︎ report
I went to the baker and got a loaf shaped like a dog.

It was pure bread.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2016
🚨︎ report
Pinching A Loaf imgur.com/78afsl3
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderCunningham
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2013
🚨︎ report
The language of loaf

I managed to get my dad with this one the other day. (That's right, I'm gunning for you old man!)

Me: Hey, can I use this bread?
Dad: What is it?
Me: A loaf of french bread.
Dad: Sure, I don't think we're saving it for anything. What do you think makes it french bread?
Me: It's a 'pain' to eat.

His groan and chuckle was sweet music in my ears.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twitch_Half
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2015
🚨︎ report
How did the loaf of bread develop Down Syndrome

He had an extra crumb-osome

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/automaticpotato
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Now here's a dad who's not just loaf-ing around!
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jenbenfoo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2013
🚨︎ report
Here's a picture of me pinching a loaf.

http://i.imgur.com/j99ktj4.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MickeyRooneyy
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2014
🚨︎ report
β€œBack in the day...” my grandfather started to say. β€œYou could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well.”

β€œBut today...” he continued. β€œWherever you go, there are cameras...”

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report

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