I go to the store and buy 2 eggs, a loaf of bread, and some milk. The cashier says “you must be single” and I respond with “how did you know?”
She responded, “ because you are ugly!”
“Back in the day...” my dad started to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...” he lamented...
“Wherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"
What did the loaf of bread say when the grocery bagger squished it?
What do you call a loaf of sourdough baked by a redhead?
What a courteous loaf of bread!
Thanks, it's been well risen.
How do you feed 1000 people with one loaf of bread?
You cut the ends and now you have endless bread.
Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter.
A baker was preparing the dough for a loaf of his famous bread, while his son watched.
He slid the loaf into the oven to bake. He told his son, “This bread is for a very special occasion, so I’m going to make a back-up.” He then plopped an extra loaf’s worth of dough onto the table, sliced it into two equal pieces, and immediately put them away. The boy asked, “Dad, why’d you do that?” The baker smiled and told his son, “It’s better to halve it and not knead it.”
My friend is such a slacker. He does his work and then loafs the rest of the day...
He's making good money being a baker tho...
I just LOAF that suitcase, and i KNEAD one now...
I went to the zoo and all I saw was a single loaf of bread in the middle of one exhibit
The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.
What do bread loafs say to each other when they meet?
I loaf myself for not thinking of this sooner
I had this loaf but have since replaced it.
Every loaf of bread is a tragic reminder of what can happen to grain
if it doesn't become whiskey.
A wife asked her husband to go to the store and pick up a loaf of bread
“If they have eggs, get a dozen” she said. A half hour later, the husband comes home with 12 loaves of bread
When I was little I saw this kid in my neighborhood dragging around a loaf of bread on a leash. To be funny, I said “Hey, you have a beautiful dog!”, he responded,
“Thanks, it’s pure bread!”.
On a loaf of bread I bought
I went to the zoo today and saw a loaf of bread in one of the enclosures
Turns out it was bread in captivity
What do you call a little loaf of bread that you can look up to?
Local news reports an armed and dangerous loaf of bread:
they say he's packing wheat.
Why does the person putting your groceries in a bag at grocery store always ask where you want your eggs and your loaf of bread?
Because baggers can’t be choosers.
Why did the loaf of bread jump out of the oven and back onto the counter?
Because it always feels good to be kneaded.
New types of sliced loaf aren't invented, or discovered...
Last night I baked a loaf of deer bread.
This morning it was sour doe.
What do you call a douchebag "loaf"?
What does the sun and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both rise in the yeast
What do you call a comatose loaf of bread?
What did the loaf of bread say when he lost everything?
At yeast I have my health!
Don’t let your meat loaf.
Alternatively, don’t let your hotdog stand.
All I ate for dinner was a loaf of brown bread.
What a cute little dough-eyed pup, I'd loaf to have a pet like that
I went to a fancy dress party last week dressed as a loaf of bread.
The birds were all over me.
I accidentally broke a window while tossing a loaf of stale french bread
What a pain, what a pane, what a pain
You know that crazy story about the baker who attacked a man with a loaf of bread?
I heard it's not all true, so take it with a grain assault
I let my wife borrow a loaf of sweet Jewish bread, but she never returned it
Cause she ain't no challah back girl.
You would loaf being yourself if you found out you were inbread, am I rye?
Why did your dad name the family dog Loaf?
Because he's a purebread.
I went to the baker and got a loaf shaped like a dog.
The language of loaf
I managed to get my dad with this one the other day. (That's right, I'm gunning for you old man!)
Me: Hey, can I use this bread?
Dad: What is it?
Me: A loaf of french bread.
Dad: Sure, I don't think we're saving it for anything. What do you think makes it french bread?
Me: It's a 'pain' to eat.
His groan and chuckle was sweet music in my ears.
How did the loaf of bread develop Down Syndrome
He had an extra crumb-osome
Now here's a dad who's not just loaf-ing around!
Here's a picture of me pinching a loaf.
“Back in the day...” my grandfather started to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well.”
“But today...” he continued. “Wherever you go, there are cameras...”