True story: I sent my dad a picture of the loaf of bread I made witha bread machine. He instantly responded with :
I found a funny looking loaf of bread in the water...
I went to the store to buy a french loaf and the clerk asked me "how do you want this to be put away?"
I won a loaf a bread today.
I guess that makes me the bread winner of the family.
loaf-i girl. (full credit to u/F-inthechatguy)
I go to the store and buy 2 eggs, a loaf of bread, and some milk. The cashier says “you must be single” and I respond with “how did you know?”
She responded, “ because you are ugly!”
“Back in the day...” my dad started to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...” he lamented...
“Wherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"
I would do anything to get more customers at my restaurant to order the meat loaf.
How do you feed 1000 people with one loaf of bread?
You cut the ends and now you have endless bread.
Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter.
What did the loaf of bread say when the grocery bagger squished it?
I just LOAF that suitcase, and i KNEAD one now...
What do you call a loaf of sourdough baked by a redhead?
What a courteous loaf of bread!
Thanks, it's been well risen.
A baker was preparing the dough for a loaf of his famous bread, while his son watched.
He slid the loaf into the oven to bake. He told his son, “This bread is for a very special occasion, so I’m going to make a back-up.” He then plopped an extra loaf’s worth of dough onto the table, sliced it into two equal pieces, and immediately put them away. The boy asked, “Dad, why’d you do that?” The baker smiled and told his son, “It’s better to halve it and not knead it.”
I went to the zoo and all I saw was a single loaf of bread in the middle of one exhibit
The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.
My friend is such a slacker. He does his work and then loafs the rest of the day...
He's making good money being a baker tho...
I loaf myself for not thinking of this sooner
I had this loaf but have since replaced it.
What do bread loafs say to each other when they meet?
On a loaf of bread I bought
A wife asked her husband to go to the store and pick up a loaf of bread
“If they have eggs, get a dozen” she said. A half hour later, the husband comes home with 12 loaves of bread
Every loaf of bread is a tragic reminder of what can happen to grain
if it doesn't become whiskey.
When I was little I saw this kid in my neighborhood dragging around a loaf of bread on a leash. To be funny, I said “Hey, you have a beautiful dog!”, he responded,
“Thanks, it’s pure bread!”.
Why does the person putting your groceries in a bag at grocery store always ask where you want your eggs and your loaf of bread?
Because baggers can’t be choosers.
What do you call a little loaf of bread that you can look up to?
New types of sliced loaf aren't invented, or discovered...
Local news reports an armed and dangerous loaf of bread:
they say he's packing wheat.
Why did the loaf of bread jump out of the oven and back onto the counter?
Because it always feels good to be kneaded.
What does the sun and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both rise in the yeast
Last night I baked a loaf of deer bread.
This morning it was sour doe.
What do you call a douchebag "loaf"?
Don’t let your meat loaf.
Alternatively, don’t let your hotdog stand.
What a cute little dough-eyed pup, I'd loaf to have a pet like that
What did the loaf of bread say when he lost everything?
At yeast I have my health!
All I ate for dinner was a loaf of brown bread.
I accidentally broke a window while tossing a loaf of stale french bread
What a pain, what a pane, what a pain
I went to a fancy dress party last week dressed as a loaf of bread.
The birds were all over me.
You know that crazy story about the baker who attacked a man with a loaf of bread?
I heard it's not all true, so take it with a grain assault
I let my wife borrow a loaf of sweet Jewish bread, but she never returned it
Cause she ain't no challah back girl.
You would loaf being yourself if you found out you were inbread, am I rye?
“Back in the day...” my grandfather started to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well.”
“But today...” he continued. “Wherever you go, there are cameras...”
I went to the zoo today and saw a loaf of bread in one of the enclosures
Turns out it was bread in captivity