I'm so proud. My 12-year old told this joke during dinner: What degree does Dr. Pepper have?
How does a train eat it's dinner?
It chew chews it!?
Credit: My 3 year old, who validated the joke through my 6 year old.
my grandfather said this today on the dinner table and i was the only one that found it hilarious for no reason at all
G : what type of apples grow on trees ?
my dumbass : idk red and green ?
G : all of them do
My son came up with this gem just now during his birthday dinner:
What kind of beans do you find in a measuring cup?
My Dad told the family this one yesterday at dinner, "Do you know what the opposite of ladyfinger is? "
We all nodded out heads in No
Dad : "Mentos"
Just got home from the grocery store with stuff to make dinner, and my dog went straight for the bags.
I yelled “Get out of there, that’s nachos!”
People ask my secret to a happy marriage. I tell them the trick is my wife and I go out to dinner twice a week.
I go Tuesdays and my wife takes Thursdays
What do you call a cheese plate served at a dinner for lactose intolerant people?
Where does a catcher sit down to eat dinner?
I went to dinner with a couple of Vikings and they kept tapping on the table and laughing. I finally asked what was so funny and they said:
“You wouldn’t get it, it’s Norse code”
Back in the 70s and 80s, I’d often dress up nicely, go out and order dinner for one, see movies alone, take long solitary walks...
Wow, I’m really dating myself.
My son stopped eating his boogers for dinner
He’s no longer a picky eater.
A few minutes ago at dinner, I came to the conclusion that tofu is highly overrated.
The Inuit boy couldn't get out of doing his homework before dinner, despite his various excuses.
His parents were having Nunavut.
(9 year old daughter tells me) What does a Dalmatian say after it eats dinner?
What did one Potato Head ask the other Potato Head what was for dinner tonight
One said, “your lookin at it!!” 💀
A family is sitting at the dining room table having a nice family dinner, when suddenly...
One thing led to another, and the father and son get into a pretty heated argument.
The son stands up and storms off, headed to his room.
As he is going up the stairs, he yells down to his dad, "Jim Morrison is overrated!!!"
So, the dad screams back, "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS?!?!?!"
Why was the Turkey late for dinner.
He was busy getting dressed.
So I go to cook dinner one night...
And the pan I need to be able to cook is dirty. The sink was filled with dishes. The dishwasher needed emptied. I emptied the dishwasher and put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher to make enough space to hand wash the pan. It was a cascade situation.
The teen was mortified when his mom brought up his underwear at dinner
It was a brief conversation
My 8 year old finished eating dinner
8yo: "There, I ate!"
Me [points at 9yo]: "Good job! She nine."
9yo: "Ugh. Because I'm nine and you're eight. You ate. I nine?"
For our anniversary, I made and served a nice dinner, with light provided by Amazon.
She always loves Kindle-lit dinners!
Obi-Wan Kenobi is tired of teaching dinner table etiquettes to Luke
Luke: eating with his hands
Obi-Wan: Use the fork, Luke
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, all the other guests are supposed to pretend as if nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
At dinner tonight, my daughter told me she was full...
I told her she didn’t have to finish her dinner.
She replied, “No dad, my name is full!”
So I was talking to my mom at dinner, and she was saying how she talked to her friend right before, so she told me “I called Ryan earlier...”
Confused, I said “Why’d you call him earlier when his name’s Ryan??”
At dinner time, talking about our days, I said work was busy because we're short staffed, and my 11yo boy says.....
For dinner we’re having Himalayan rabbit stew
That rabbit, found Himalayan on the road
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?”
I said, “Yes please.”
Waiter: “No problem sir. Today is special.”
Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.
My wife rang me at the pub and said, “If you’re not home in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.” I was home in 5 minutes.
I’d hate for anything to happen to the dog.
My wife offered to make me a quesadilla for dinner
I told her no. Whatever dilla is, I don’t think I could eat a whole case.
My aunt Marie has been keeping track of her frozen dinner purchases.
It's Marie's Marie Callender's calendar.
What do you call the friends you have dinner with?
True Story: tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
My wife Belle made a great feast for Easter dinner.
After my first serving, I was still hungry so I asked for 'more cow Belle.'
What do microwave dinners and disappointed movie directors have in common?
What did the dad say when he cooked a big game dinner for his mostly vegan friends?
I’m sorry, looks like I’ve made a huge moose steak
My Wife got a thin crust pizza for dinner. It reminded me a lot of myself:
No dough and lots of cheese.
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...
What was the cannibal given after he showed up late to the dinner party?
My wife asked how I felt about getting Thai food for dinner
[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
TIL: In spite of Covid, all African countries are insisting that customers should sit in a restaurant and eat dinner.
Obi-Wan is tired of teaching Luke dinner table manners
Luke: eating with hands, spilling dinner everywhere
Obi-Wan: Use the fork, Luke
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
Tonight we're having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner.
We found himalayan on the road.