I'm so proud. My 12-year old told this joke during dinner: What degree does Dr. Pepper have?

Theoretical Fizz-ics

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
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How does a train eat it's dinner?

It chew chews it!?

Credit: My 3 year old, who validated the joke through my 6 year old.

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πŸ“…︎ May 05
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my grandfather said this today on the dinner table and i was the only one that found it hilarious for no reason at all

G : what type of apples grow on trees ?

my dumbass : idk red and green ?

G : all of them do

wheezes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/malikbefine
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
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My son came up with this gem just now during his birthday dinner:

What kind of beans do you find in a measuring cup?
Pint-o beans!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepHurts
πŸ“…︎ May 17
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My Dad told the family this one yesterday at dinner, "Do you know what the opposite of ladyfinger is? "

We all nodded out heads in No

Dad : "Mentos"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UncleDevil666
πŸ“…︎ May 19
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Just got home from the grocery store with stuff to make dinner, and my dog went straight for the bags.

I yelled β€œGet out of there, that’s nachos!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gianni_Fadel
πŸ“…︎ May 28
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People ask my secret to a happy marriage. I tell them the trick is my wife and I go out to dinner twice a week.

I go Tuesdays and my wife takes Thursdays

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RKO-Cutter
πŸ“…︎ May 14
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What do you call a cheese plate served at a dinner for lactose intolerant people?

All you can't eat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pppecka
πŸ“…︎ May 11
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Where does a catcher sit down to eat dinner?

Behind the plate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NameOfaFeller
πŸ“…︎ May 07
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I went to dinner with a couple of Vikings and they kept tapping on the table and laughing. I finally asked what was so funny and they said:

β€œYou wouldn’t get it, it’s Norse code”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/souphead420
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
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Back in the 70s and 80s, I’d often dress up nicely, go out and order dinner for one, see movies alone, take long solitary walks...

Wow, I’m really dating myself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uncle_Bug_Music
πŸ“…︎ May 22
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My son stopped eating his boogers for dinner

He’s no longer a picky eater.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reedrichardsphd
πŸ“…︎ May 26
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A few minutes ago at dinner, I came to the conclusion that tofu is highly overrated.

It’s just a curd to me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 23
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The Inuit boy couldn't get out of doing his homework before dinner, despite his various excuses.

His parents were having Nunavut.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DevilOfDevon
πŸ“…︎ May 19
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(9 year old daughter tells me) What does a Dalmatian say after it eats dinner?

That hit the spot!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VintageVitaminJ
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
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What did one Potato Head ask the other Potato Head what was for dinner tonight

One said, β€œyour lookin at it!!” πŸ’€

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jen_Klen
πŸ“…︎ May 17
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A family is sitting at the dining room table having a nice family dinner, when suddenly...

One thing led to another, and the father and son get into a pretty heated argument.

The son stands up and storms off, headed to his room.

As he is going up the stairs, he yells down to his dad, "Jim Morrison is overrated!!!"

So, the dad screams back, "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS?!?!?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cosmocide
πŸ“…︎ May 07
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Why was the Turkey late for dinner.

He was busy getting dressed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snuggeybug
πŸ“…︎ May 01
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So I go to cook dinner one night...

And the pan I need to be able to cook is dirty. The sink was filled with dishes. The dishwasher needed emptied. I emptied the dishwasher and put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher to make enough space to hand wash the pan. It was a cascade situation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VioletDreaming19
πŸ“…︎ May 09
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The teen was mortified when his mom brought up his underwear at dinner

It was a brief conversation

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πŸ“…︎ May 10
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My 8 year old finished eating dinner

8yo: "There, I ate!"

Me [points at 9yo]: "Good job! She nine."

8yo: πŸ€”?

9yo: "Ugh. Because I'm nine and you're eight. You ate. I nine?"

8yo: "Daaaad!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaosTechnician
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
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For our anniversary, I made and served a nice dinner, with light provided by Amazon.

She always loves Kindle-lit dinners!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 01
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Obi-Wan Kenobi is tired of teaching dinner table etiquettes to Luke

Luke: eating with his hands

Obi-Wan: Use the fork, Luke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
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If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, all the other guests are supposed to pretend as if nothing happened.

Noble gases have no reaction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
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At dinner tonight, my daughter told me she was full...

I told her she didn’t have to finish her dinner.

She replied, β€œNo dad, my name is full!”

She’s learning!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greendog100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
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So I was talking to my mom at dinner, and she was saying how she talked to her friend right before, so she told me β€œI called Ryan earlier...”

Confused, I said β€œWhy’d you call him earlier when his name’s Ryan??”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-FrankAbagnaleJr-
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
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At dinner time, talking about our days, I said work was busy because we're short staffed, and my 11yo boy says.....

Get some taller ones!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/denandbil
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
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For dinner we’re having Himalayan rabbit stew

That rabbit, found Himalayan on the road

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
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I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, β€œDo you want to hear today’s special?”

I said, β€œYes please.”

Waiter: β€œNo problem sir. Today is special.”

Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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My wife rang me at the pub and said, β€œIf you’re not home in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.” I was home in 5 minutes.

I’d hate for anything to happen to the dog.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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My wife offered to make me a quesadilla for dinner

I told her no. Whatever dilla is, I don’t think I could eat a whole case.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
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My aunt Marie has been keeping track of her frozen dinner purchases.

It's Marie's Marie Callender's calendar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/logansworth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
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What do you call the friends you have dinner with?

Taste buds

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
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True Story: tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.

My 4 year old said β€œmummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”

Needless to say I was in stitches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
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My wife Belle made a great feast for Easter dinner.

After my first serving, I was still hungry so I asked for 'more cow Belle.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gherkinstein
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
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What do microwave dinners and disappointed movie directors have in common?

Cut film to vent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/psychodelephant
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
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What did the dad say when he cooked a big game dinner for his mostly vegan friends?

I’m sorry, looks like I’ve made a huge moose steak

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OpalJagger
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
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My Wife got a thin crust pizza for dinner. It reminded me a lot of myself:

No dough and lots of cheese.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EoC77
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
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"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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What was the cannibal given after he showed up late to the dinner party?

The cold shoulder

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onemangang15
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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My wife asked how I felt about getting Thai food for dinner

I said I was 50/50 on it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PKMKII
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
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[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.

Me: Ok, and for the main course?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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TIL: In spite of Covid, all African countries are insisting that customers should sit in a restaurant and eat dinner.

Except Togo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
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Obi-Wan is tired of teaching Luke dinner table manners

Luke: eating with hands, spilling dinner everywhere

Obi-Wan: Use the fork, Luke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
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If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.

Noble gases have no reaction.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
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Tonight we're having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner.

We found himalayan on the road.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
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