What was the cannibal given after he showed up late to the dinner party?

The cold shoulder

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onemangang15
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, β€œDo you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...

β€œNo thanks, I’m stuffed!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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What did the handbag salesman say when he ran out of Camembert at his dinner party?

Sorry, we're all out of Guccis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kartenhouse
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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I served a female deer with herbs to my family at a recent dinner party.

Calling it "Spit-Roasted Dill Doe" was maybe a little unwise

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πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Why was a sausage excluded from the dinner party?

The hot dogs and pickles agreed he was the wurst

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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What was the 16th president of the United States told before the dinner party?

Ay bring ham, Lincoln.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Keepscrollin-u
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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I went to a dinner party yesterday. The hosts are chefs and made all kinds of food, buffet style. I arrived early had some hors d'oeuvres. Then I realized I was thirsty, and I wanted to try the mixed juice drink. At this point everyone else was getting food, so I walked right up and got a cup...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bb5x24
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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There's a type of mushroom I bring everywhere, to dinner parties, bball games, work, they easily fit in my pocket

They're called portablebellos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmokeRingHalo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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At the dinner party I served sausages and burgers to the children on the barbecue.

"Why don't you guys use chairs like everyone else?" I asked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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So I'm at a dinner party with my parents...

...and we were talking about someone's holiday in Dubai. My dad then came out with:

"Did you know that the people of Dubai don't like the Flintstones...but the people of Abu Dhabi Do"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lympwing2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2015
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What happens when you bring a duck to a dinner party?

You're guilty of a party fowl.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kttypo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
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My parents getting ready for a dinner party

My parents are preparing for a dinner party they are hosting.

Dad: We probably shouldn't put the glasses out just yet so the cats don't jump on the table and get hair in them.

Mom: Lets just turn them upside down.

Dad: They are cats honey, they will just get right back on their feet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nitroracertc3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2014
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Impromptu Dinner Party

A man was invited to a last minute dinner party at a nice restaurant for which he was not properly dressed.

He needed a tie, but didn't have time to pick one up, so he used his jumper cables instead.

Once at the restaurant, the hostess says, "I'll let you in, but don't start anything!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dizmodo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2017
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Wife and I planning a dinner party

Wife: "We've got wines, cheeses, summer sausage.."

Me: "mmmm no I don't think any of the cheeses are sausage."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JordanMichael08
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2016
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I tried to have a dinner party last night, but accidentally hosted a seance!

...turns out I'd bought an incanter, not a decanter! ...got the wrong kinda spirits out of it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2014
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Have you heard of the new crime drama involving a rich dinner party?

It's called Law and Hors D'oeuvres.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CyanLights
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2016
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Was out at dinner with my dad last night. People were walking by in costume on their way to parties ...

A lady ran by, clearly working out. Dad says, "Hey look, she's dressed as a jogger!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bwsullivan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2013
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The time my Dad went above and beyond the call of duty, at a formal dinner party

Picture this.

A fancy Christmas dinner party at his new wife's opulent, sandstone estate house. Plates are being cleared from the lengthy, mahogony table that seats the fourteen well-to-do guests, the main course having just finished. All have feasted gloriously on our Christmas fare.

My Dad, playing the good host, picks up two bottles of wine, one white and one red, and proceeds to do a round of the table, chatting amiably with everyone as he circles. Those whose glasses are less than 90% full, he proceeds to top-up. I am sitting in the very centre of the long table, seated directly opposite a very well off lady in her early sixties, by the name of Margaret. My dad, having just topped off my glass, is now standing directly behind me.

This older woman, full of grace and charm, looks to my Dad and says, "Thank you so much for this glorious meal, John. It's been simply divine."

My Dad, "Not at all, Margaret, not at all. Could I charge your glass?"

Margaret, "Oh, no no, thank you. I've got the bottle in front of me!"

My Dad, quick of wit, and with a sneaky - yet charming - grin on his face, responds, "Ah, well, better that than a frontal lobotomy!"

I've never been more proud of him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rolloxan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2013
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My dad cracks wise at a dinner party

Me: I don't like this fondue Dad: Don't ruin it, we're having such a fun-do! (Walks away chuckling...)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cestrain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2013
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At a dinner party...

At a dinner party when the conversation turned to how my girlfriend's parents said that they weren't allowed to bring their baby to a certain hotel because of a company policy.

My dad retorted "You're not supposed to have babies in hotels. You're supposed to have them in hotels."

...He and I were the only ones laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Long-hair_Apathy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2013
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New Year's dinner party

Uncle: wow, this steak is really well done!

Dad (with a joking hurt face): I thought I made it medium rare!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sendradome
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2014
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My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, β€œDo you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...

β€œNo thanks, I’m stuffed!"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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What happened when a cannibal was very late getting to a dinner party?

They gave him the cold shoulder

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Feddny
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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What was the 16th president of the United States told before a dinner party?

Ay, bring ham, Lincoln

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mush_Tilly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
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My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear...

She asked, β€œDo you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?”

In my best bear voice, I replied, β€œNo thanks, I’m stuffed.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2017
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What do you give a cannibal that shows up late to a dinner party?

The cold shoulder.

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/conditackler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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What do you give a cannibal that shows up late to a dinner party?

The cold shoulder.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/One_Day_Dead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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What happened when the cannibal showed up late to the cannibal dinner party?

They gave him the cold shoulder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dinkleburrggg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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What happened when the cannibal arrives late to the dinner party?

He got the cold shoulder

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brentobot
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
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Why should you never be late to a cannibal's dinner party?

Because they'll give you the cold shoulder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearinthegarden14
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
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Dinner Party

What happened when the cannibal showed up late to a dinner party? They gave him the cold shoulder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirrk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2013
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