I'm so proud. My 12-year old told this joke during dinner: What degree does Dr. Pepper have?
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︎ Apr 30 2021
How does a train eat it's dinner?
It chew chews it!?
Credit: My 3 year old, who validated the joke through my 6 year old.
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︎ May 05 2021
my grandfather said this today on the dinner table and i was the only one that found it hilarious for no reason at all
G : what type of apples grow on trees ?
my dumbass : idk red and green ?
G : all of them do
wheezes
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︎ Apr 30 2021
My son came up with this gem just now during his birthday dinner:
What kind of beans do you find in a measuring cup?
Pint-o beans!
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︎ May 17 2021
People ask my secret to a happy marriage. I tell them the trick is my wife and I go out to dinner twice a week.
I go Tuesdays and my wife takes Thursdays
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︎ May 14 2021
What do you call a cheese plate served at a dinner for lactose intolerant people?
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︎ May 11 2021
Where does a catcher sit down to eat dinner?
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︎ May 07 2021
I went to dinner with a couple of Vikings and they kept tapping on the table and laughing. I finally asked what was so funny and they said:
βYou wouldnβt get it, itβs Norse codeβ
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︎ Mar 28 2021
(9 year old daughter tells me) What does a Dalmatian say after it eats dinner?
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︎ Apr 23 2021
What did one Potato Head ask the other Potato Head what was for dinner tonight
One said, βyour lookin at it!!β π
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︎ May 17 2021
A family is sitting at the dining room table having a nice family dinner, when suddenly...
One thing led to another, and the father and son get into a pretty heated argument.
The son stands up and storms off, headed to his room.
As he is going up the stairs, he yells down to his dad, "Jim Morrison is overrated!!!"
So, the dad screams back, "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS?!?!?!"
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︎ May 07 2021
Why was the Turkey late for dinner.
He was busy getting dressed.
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︎ May 01 2021
So I go to cook dinner one night...
And the pan I need to be able to cook is dirty. The sink was filled with dishes. The dishwasher needed emptied. I emptied the dishwasher and put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher to make enough space to hand wash the pan. It was a cascade situation.
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︎ May 09 2021
The teen was mortified when his mom brought up his underwear at dinner
It was a brief conversation
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︎ May 10 2021
For our anniversary, I made and served a nice dinner, with light provided by Amazon.
She always loves Kindle-lit dinners!
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︎ May 01 2021
Obi-Wan Kenobi is tired of teaching dinner table etiquettes to Luke
Luke: eating with his hands
Obi-Wan: Use the fork, Luke
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︎ Apr 14 2021
My 8 year old finished eating dinner
8yo: "There, I ate!"
Me [points at 9yo]: "Good job! She nine."
8yo: π€?
9yo: "Ugh. Because I'm nine and you're eight. You ate. I nine?"
8yo: "Daaaad!"
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︎ Feb 02 2021
At dinner tonight, my daughter told me she was full...
I told her she didnβt have to finish her dinner.
She replied, βNo dad, my name is full!β
Sheβs learning!
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︎ Apr 09 2021
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, all the other guests are supposed to pretend as if nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
So I was talking to my mom at dinner, and she was saying how she talked to her friend right before, so she told me βI called Ryan earlier...β
Confused, I said βWhyβd you call him earlier when his nameβs Ryan??β
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︎ Apr 16 2021
At dinner time, talking about our days, I said work was busy because we're short staffed, and my 11yo boy says.....
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︎ Apr 15 2021
My friend wanted me to take her to seafood for dinner
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︎ Apr 01 2021
For dinner weβre having Himalayan rabbit stew
That rabbit, found Himalayan on the road
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︎ Feb 13 2021
My aunt Marie has been keeping track of her frozen dinner purchases.
It's Marie's Marie Callender's calendar.
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︎ Apr 09 2021
My wife offered to make me a quesadilla for dinner
I told her no. Whatever dilla is, I donβt think I could eat a whole case.
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︎ Mar 06 2021
What do you call the friends you have dinner with?
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︎ Mar 24 2021
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, βDo you want to hear todayβs special?β
I said, βYes please.β
Waiter: βNo problem sir. Today is special.β
Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.
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︎ Sep 13 2020
My wife rang me at the pub and said, βIf youβre not home in 10 minutes, Iβm giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.β I was home in 5 minutes.
Iβd hate for anything to happen to the dog.
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︎ Sep 06 2020
My wife Belle made a great feast for Easter dinner.
After my first serving, I was still hungry so I asked for 'more cow Belle.'
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︎ Apr 05 2021
True Story: tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said βmummy, youβve peeβd on the floorβ
Needless to say I was in stitches.
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︎ Mar 03 2021
What do microwave dinners and disappointed movie directors have in common?
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︎ Mar 29 2021
What did the dad say when he cooked a big game dinner for his mostly vegan friends?
Iβm sorry, looks like Iβve made a huge moose steak
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︎ Mar 14 2021
My Wife got a thin crust pizza for dinner. It reminded me a lot of myself:
No dough and lots of cheese.
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︎ Mar 01 2021
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...
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︎ Dec 26 2020
What was the cannibal given after he showed up late to the dinner party?
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︎ Dec 12 2020
My wife asked how I felt about getting Thai food for dinner
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︎ Feb 11 2021
TIL: In spite of Covid, all African countries are insisting that customers should sit in a restaurant and eat dinner.
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︎ Mar 24 2021
[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, Iβm sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
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︎ Dec 18 2020
What do you call a TV dinner that's average at best?
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︎ Mar 20 2021
What is a choirβs favorite part of dinner?
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︎ Feb 25 2021
I had chicken for dinner..
My farts have been pretty fowl.
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︎ Feb 27 2021
Argument at family dinner...
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︎ Mar 23 2020
Obi-Wan is tired of teaching Luke dinner table manners
Luke: eating with hands, spilling dinner everywhere
Obi-Wan: Use the fork, Luke
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︎ Apr 17 2021
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
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︎ Mar 24 2021
Tonight we're having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner.
We found himalayan on the road.
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︎ Feb 28 2021
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