It's titled "Cheetah After Lunch", but it looks like a flamin' hot cheetah to me
πŸ‘︎ 114
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Muadeeb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
What do sea monsters eat for lunch

Potato ships

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/glue_gun_01
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
Why can't a librarian go on a weekday lunch date?

They're always booked.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
Where does a wizard eat his lunch?

In the staff room.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JediWithBenefits
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
Why did the scientist eat photons after lunch?

He needed a light snack

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/delmastron
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
What does a door framer pack in his lunch?

Ajar with plumb jamb!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
Two chiropractors are hurrying to finish lunch.

They had to get backs to work.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
AITA for eating my coworker's lunch?

Wait, wrong sub

πŸ‘︎ 24k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PR0CR45T184T0R
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I made myself a turkey sandwich for lunch with pepperjack and thousand island. It wasn't quite a reuben...

...but I would say it was rubenesque.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nahnprophet
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
My 9 month old spilled some of her lunch on her foot...

I guess she wanted to try out the avocado toes the hipsters talk about.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IndyPacers
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
I'm on a plane and the lunch choices are: white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I'm seated in the last row.

I'm hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A globe-trotting vulture tried to bring his breakfast and lunch onto the plane

"I'm sorry, sir, you're only authorized ONE carrion."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
Two friends are on a road trip and one if them sees a sign stating they are approaching Louisville. One says "we should stop in 'Louie-ville' for lunch. The other says it's not pronounced 'Louie-ville', it's 'Louis-ville'!

They go back and forth for a while, neither convincing the other that they are right. Finally they decide on a place to eat. When they get to the restaurant, one of the friends asks the person taking their order to settle it once and for all. "Me and my friend are having a debate and hopefully since you live here, you can set my friend straight. Would you please tell us... and say it clear and slow for my friend here... where are we?"

The person behind the counter gets a puzzled look on his face, then says

>!"Buuuuuurrrrrr gerrrrrr Kiiiiiiinnnnggg"!<

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FaultyData
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
I also enjoy eating lunch on a periodic table
πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Mexican carpenter have for lunch?

Carne asawdust

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigscarydaniel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
My daughter lined up her dolls for the lunch

It seems we have Barbie queue for lunch again.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alimamad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
I saw some people building a new bridge near me and every lunch break, they would sit down for afternoon tea complete with tablecloth and napkins…

It was very civil engineering…

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
Some people call circular-sliced hot dogs β€œlunch meat”...

But if you ask me, that’s just bologna.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wutisthis66204
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
Growing up I went to an all-Muslim school. The teacher asked me to make sure that my classmates weren't sneaking bacon at lunch.

I got a badge and a sash that read, "Halal Monitor"

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/unklethan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
Turned up late to a cannibal lunch...

Got the cold shoulder :(

πŸ‘︎ 129
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/--keeks--
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.

On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

πŸ‘︎ 148
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skylly100
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad I am cold.. If you’re cold, go eat your lunch in the corner. Why?

It is always 90 degrees.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-Binger
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
I suspected my sister's butter had developed intelligence after she took it to school in her lunch box.

Sure enough, it was on her roll.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/desireewhitehall
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
Coworkers were planning lunch orders

Boss asked for a number 7, coworker asked what it was, I replied with the one after a number 6

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SirDianthus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
What do neurologists hate during lunch break?

Having to deal with little caesars

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sledneck303
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
🚨︎ report
What did one atom say to the other atom while eating lunch?

Do you want to split the charge?

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dachiz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
We were eating lunch...

Before our hike, my wife offered my sister-in-law some fruit. She said "no thanks, I had a pear on the way here."

Without skipping a beat, I said "you mean you came pre-peared?"

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MadScienceDreams
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
As I was sweeping the kitchen this morning I told my son not to forget his lunch

OK Broomer!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tjmaxal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
I had a clock for lunch earlier.

I couldn't finish it, it was time consuming.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doyouhavetono
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
For the life of me, I could not get the sweet tea dispenser to work during my lunch.

I was having some difficultea.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Gnome
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
Where do young cows eat lunch?

In the calf-ateria.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Something tells me I ate some bad food for lunch today.

I have a gut feeling about it.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bay-to-the-apple
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken go to KFC during lunch hour with a baseball bat?

It wanted to beat the crowd.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
In a conversation with a coworker discussing lunch plans. I exhaled through my nose.
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_eazy_life
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, at lunch, my wife almost threw out her leftover wonton soup.

I immediately stopped her and asked for a to go container. I won’t stand by and allow acts of wonton destruction.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oriehd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
So my daughter was eating leftover baked beans for lunch, and she said really likes them...

I told she could be my Beanie Baby!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gladmaximus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
While making lunch today I was pretending to be on a cooking show

"First we take the tortilla and lay it out. Then we add the sliced meat, and veggies, dressing it with the red sauce by Franks. Add the cheese and fold it in on itself".....

"Ok, that's a Wrap"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrispyCritter83
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does Optimus Prime go for lunch?

To the Food Trucks.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aguscerdo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does Fonzie like to go for lunch?

Chick-Fil-Eyyyyyyyy.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What do zombies have for lunch?

Human beans, fried legs and eyes cream!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cool-kid103
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My coworker went to Subway for lunch.

On his receipt there was an autogenerated prompt for feedback:

"Lettuce know how we did today at [enter website] . com , and we'll send you a sweet offer."

Told him that I liked how they sandwiched it in...

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Catch_Twenty-2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What does the Swedish Chef cook for Sunday lunch?

Pork pork pork!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HumanTorch23
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Let’s go on a date. Lunch is on me.
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in a KFC in Prague, standing in line waiting to order my lunch when I noticed the beautiful girl wearing a black and white tiled apron who was giving the man in front of me a bucket of Buffalo wings..and then it dawned on me.

I was checking out a chequered Czech check-out chick who was checking out some chicken at the checkout.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buggaboobooy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What does an elephant have for lunch?

An hour, like everyone else

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pk-groundstorm
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I ate a clock for lunch today.

Wouldn’t recommend it though, I felt it was very Time Consuming.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/finnduraj
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?

Tea, Rex?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/peachyfluf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter and I had Chinese food for lunch. She was disappointed when her cookie was empty inside.

I told her β€œthat’s unfortunate”.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jocnkal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I met a lunch lady who played in a band...

... the genre was Hair Netal.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattTheKat86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Feeling international today: Having Fish and Chips for lunch.
πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alzyma
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Today I finished off a box of Cheerios at breakfast, a box of Lucky Charms at lunch, and a box of Captain Crunch at dinner.

I’m a real cereal killer.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gecko_echo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL colons can change the meaning of a sentence drastically: "Jane ate her friend's lunch." would become:

"Jane ate her friend's colon."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redrockit06
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Found in the lunch room
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/big-red-dog76
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Went to cracker barrel yesterday for lunch with my dad and we got their new signature fried chicken

The waitress gave us our food and he started looking the pieces over really intently. He turned them all over and checked every side.

Waitress: is everything okay sir? Dad: No i think something's wrong with my chicken. (Looking at the pieces for a second time) Waitress: I'm sorry, what's wrong? Dad: I don't think they signed my chicken.

I lost it.

Happy Fathers day weekend!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rofsdraw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Australian chess champion say to his waitor when he was finished with his lunch?

Checkmate.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DJOK9R
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A man recently immigrated to a new land were he doesn’t speak the language. His fellow workers take him to lunch everyday. One of them teaches him to order Apple Pie and Coffee for himself. For weeks, this is all he orders.

Morning, Apple Pie and Coffee. Noon, Apple Pie and Coffee. Night, Apple Pie and Coffee. Getting tired of this same meal, he asks his coworkers to teach him a new dish to order. He learns Steak and Eggs.

Waitress: Hiya hon’, Apple Pie and Coffee as usual?

Man (smiling proudly): Steak and Eggs!

Waitress: Oh! Changing it up to day! How would you like your eggs? Scrambled, sunny side up, poached, fried? How would you like your steak? Rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, well? . . . . . .

Man: ... Apple Pie and Coffee.

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ObiOneToo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Why was the alligator sad after finishing lunch?

He had a few egrets.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bearinthegarden14
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Him: Ready for our date? Her: Yeah. Lunch is on me.
πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of lunch meat dances inappropriately?

Twerkey.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/swg629
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend asked me at lunch today what the male parallel for "misogyny" was.

I told him, "Misterogyny".

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EndlessTilt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I broke my dadjoke cherry at lunch today

I'm a fairly new dad and my wife was chopping up walnuts:

Me: my respect for walnuts has really changed for the better recently.

Wife: (looks at me funny...) Why?

Me: they've really come out of their shell...

There was an audible groan and sadly, I had to high five myself..

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/seipounds
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Father daughter lunch

Father and daughter are out to lunch.

Daughter says "Dad, I'm pregnant"

Dad says "Hi Pregnant, I'm Grandpa"

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolabugsabq
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the mamma llama say to the baby llama said he was out of lunch money?

"Alpaca lunch for you”

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jgsmith516
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I was waiting for my lunch at the Vietnamese food truck, when a guy tried to cut in line in front of me.

I said, β€œ Dude, pho queue.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I invited my dry cleaner out to lunch but he couldn't make it.

He had pressing business to attend to elsewhere.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dan-Quixote
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I sent a picture of my lunch to Dad...
πŸ‘︎ 334
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/epixxfish
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2018
🚨︎ report
If I had to choose between eating my lunch at a park, or sitting at home watching Nickelodeon all day..

I’d pick nick.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What was the kitten eating for lunch...

CATsup. Literally from the mouth of my TWO year old. Hes gonna go far!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jonny_Ringo_480
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A man pays for his lunch with cash. The server asks, "did you need change?"

Man: "But I just put these clothes on this morning"

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/littlelaurelleaf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.

One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.

β€œWhat are you doing?” I asked him.

β€œPreparing.”

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Majikin__
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My fiancΓ© just informed me that her lunch was phe-nomnomnom-enal. I love this woman.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KyronX
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
How Was The Alien Rabbit Feeling After Lunch?

Hop-E.T.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LeoTheSpiderboy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Instead of PB&J sandwich, I accidentally gave my son chopped onion into his lunch box

He cried.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rybavlimuzine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.

The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Solaw
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What is The Beast's favorite lunch meat?

Belle-oney!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshWithaQ
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do baby cows go for lunch?

The calfeteria!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tehmayormccheese
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Employee: I'm going to take lunch

Dad: Don't take it too far. I want some too.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wequiwa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you ask a dinosaur out for lunch?

Tea, Rex?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ya_Boi_Jayson
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I had a great lunch at Costco today

I always relish their hotdogs.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the scientist eat photons after lunch?

He needed a light snack!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/delmastron
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
Where do young cows eat lunch?

In the calf-ateria.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do young cows eat lunch?

In the calf-ateria.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do young cows eat lunch?

In the calf-ateria.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does Fonzie like to go for lunch?

Chick-Fil-Eyyyyyyyy.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do young cows eat lunch?

In the calf-ateria.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?

Tea, Rex.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_cuss_word69_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does Fonzie like to go for lunch?

Chick-Fil-Eyyyyyyyy.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/krystx57
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does Fonzie like to go for lunch?

Chick-fil-eyyyyyyyy

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alboy122303
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report

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