The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week

Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justin_true_10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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My high school bully still takes my lunch money.

But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!

πŸ‘︎ 299
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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If you had a choice of eating your lunch outside or watching the Nickelodeon network, what would you do?

I’d Pick Nick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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Sign at NASA Cafeteria:. We are go for Lunch
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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What does a suit like to have for lunch?

Tie food

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shotintheship
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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I went to subway and accidentally stole someone's lunch.

Whoops wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RihhamDaMan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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I ordered the pasta at work today for lunch.

But then I realized I wasn't that hungry, so I boxed it up to take home and eat later.

Because a pennΓ© saved is a pennΓ© earned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeatHTaXx
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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What do sharks eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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β€œDad, we hate when you do the grocery shopping because you always buy the cheapest lunch meat you can find.”

β€œAw, baloney.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/asiers
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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My patient wanted his bedding fixed, and when I did, I found remainders of his lunch.

Turns out, he was resting in peas.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarisaberry
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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As we sat down for lunch, I proudly announced to my daughter, "Little known fact, the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France!" Unimpressed, she ignored me and kept eating. Not being one to give up, I continued...

"Nope, they were cooked in Greece!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
AITA for eating my coworker's lunch?

Wait, wrong sub

πŸ‘︎ 24k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PR0CR45T184T0R
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
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What do the penguins get for their lunch at the zoo?

Half an hour, same as the zebras.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dulfuckyourself
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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How does a turkey eat his lunch?

Gobble gobble gobble

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πŸ‘€︎ u/geoswede
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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It's titled "Cheetah After Lunch", but it looks like a flamin' hot cheetah to me
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Muadeeb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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One lunch man
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fuckyoudieb1tch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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A coworker and I were talking about our boss behind her back during our lunch.

Later on she found out and said to us : "You disgust me".

And I said : "Yes, yes we did".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oleflitzer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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I asked my son what class he was in after lunch.

'Middle,' he said, 'same as before lunch.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/m_bowker-brown
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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I'm on a plane and the lunch choices are: white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I'm seated in the last row.

I'm hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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My daughter was making some lunch. I asked her what she was making...

Daughter: Nachos

Me: I know it's not for me. I'm just asking what you're making for lunch. Sheesh...

Daughter: <confused> Huh?

Me: I'm just asking you what you're making for lunch.

Daughter: And i told you. Nachos!

Me: You already told me it's not for me. You don't have to be mean about it!

Daughter: <pause> Dang it... <sighs> Go away...

Me: <laughs in dad joke>

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πŸ‘€︎ u/m1a1vet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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Me: *arriving at the office after lunch in a nice red dress.*

My boss: Why are you dressed as a woman?!

Me: What do you mean? You asked me if i could join the meeting with the Chinese as a trans later?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kjarkr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
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I went to lunch with a nudist friend...

...and all he ordered was a salad β€” no dressing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/youtbuddcody
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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If you had your choice of having lunch with anyone ever, dead or alive who would you pick?

I would pick someone alive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yello5drink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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Why can't a librarian go on a weekday lunch date?

They're always booked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch

Potato ships

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πŸ‘€︎ u/glue_gun_01
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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What do you call two councilmen eating lunch and talking about policies?

A man-date

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBossMan007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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What does a donkey get for lunch on Blackpool beach?

Half an hour like everyone else.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spazpekker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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Where do astronauts go for lunch?

Apollo Loco

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πŸ‘€︎ u/procrastiprov
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does a wizard eat his lunch?

In the staff room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JediWithBenefits
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the scientist eat photons after lunch?

He needed a light snack

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πŸ‘€︎ u/delmastron
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I also enjoy eating lunch on a periodic table
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Two chiropractors are hurrying to finish lunch.

They had to get backs to work.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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What does a door framer pack in his lunch?

Ajar with plumb jamb!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Turned up late to a cannibal lunch...

Got the cold shoulder :(

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πŸ‘€︎ u/--keeks--
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I made myself a turkey sandwich for lunch with pepperjack and thousand island. It wasn't quite a reuben...

...but I would say it was rubenesque.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nahnprophet
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.

On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skylly100
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Two friends are on a road trip and one if them sees a sign stating they are approaching Louisville. One says "we should stop in 'Louie-ville' for lunch. The other says it's not pronounced 'Louie-ville', it's 'Louis-ville'!

They go back and forth for a while, neither convincing the other that they are right. Finally they decide on a place to eat. When they get to the restaurant, one of the friends asks the person taking their order to settle it once and for all. "Me and my friend are having a debate and hopefully since you live here, you can set my friend straight. Would you please tell us... and say it clear and slow for my friend here... where are we?"

The person behind the counter gets a puzzled look on his face, then says

>!"Buuuuuurrrrrr gerrrrrr Kiiiiiiinnnnggg"!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FaultyData
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Growing up I went to an all-Muslim school. The teacher asked me to make sure that my classmates weren't sneaking bacon at lunch.

I got a badge and a sash that read, "Halal Monitor"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unklethan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My 9 month old spilled some of her lunch on her foot...

I guess she wanted to try out the avocado toes the hipsters talk about.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IndyPacers
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter lined up her dolls for the lunch

It seems we have Barbie queue for lunch again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alimamad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw some people building a new bridge near me and every lunch break, they would sit down for afternoon tea complete with tablecloth and napkins…

It was very civil engineering…

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the scientist eat photons after lunch?

He needed a light snack!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/delmastron
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report

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