Dinners Puns

8yo: "There, I ate!"

Me [points at 9yo]: "Good job! She nine."

8yo: 🤔?

9yo: "Ugh. Because I'm nine and you're eight. You ate. I nine?"

8yo: "Daaaad!"

Noble gases have no reaction.

That rabbit, found Himalayan on the road

I told her no. Whatever dilla is, I don’t think I could eat a whole case.

My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”

Needless to say I was in stitches.

No dough and lots of cheese.

I said I was 50/50 on it

The main chorus.

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...

My farts have been pretty fowl.

I said, “Yes please.”

Waiter: “No problem sir. Today is special.”

Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.

I’d hate for anything to happen to the dog.

The cold shoulder

Me: Ok, and for the main course?

I don't have thyme for this

She said, “Huh?”

Me: Sorry. That must have been the wine talking.

"Because you're using his plate."

Because he’s shellfish

I told him "the best way to break that addiction is to quit cold turkey"

“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"

"Doesn't matter to me, I am bi-stemual".

Absolute silence.

Those slow cookers are awful

A BrrrrrrrGrrrrrrrrr

I walked into the kitchen to put some things away. I had some used silverware in one hand, and a tub of butter, a bag of cheese, and a pouch of sour cream in the other. I approached the sink to put the silverware inside when I accidentally dropped the tub of butter on the ground. My sister, who was at the sink at the time, looked at me and said: "That doesn't go there!" I picked up the tub, looked at her, and said:

"Sorry. Butterfingers."

And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me

‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’

👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.

I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids

She's our longest serving employee.

So I told him if he didn’t eat, his life would be at steak

I've been bamboozled!

Turns out he was a man of culture.

Son: "What are my choices?"
Dad: “Yes” or “no”

Ahh. I get it. It’s a viscous cycle.

I told them it was fine, because I caught the fish in a lake.

...my oldest asks, "If they make an Apple Car, will it still have windows?"

I was so proud.

Little sister: Hey dad do you want to try this amazing sundae

Dad: No thanks, I prefer Mondays

I asked him to pass the salt, it took 4 1/2 hours

My friend says, did y'all know that in Australia they have a store called yute-r-us?

Sorry, we're all out of Guccis.

"NO I WANT A WHOLE BUN"

She's well on her way to being the dad I never had

while I ate some bad salmon and got chickenella.

I call it Deep Fry-day

So I took the battery out of the smoke detector.

We found himalayan on the road.