“Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner Batman!”
Kraftwerk Mac N’ Cheese
“Donald, come tweet!”
I said "steak".
She asked "what kind"?
My answer "I'm in a New York steak of mind".
It was a game changer.
Me: "What!? There must be some missed steak!"
"Would you like anything on your chips?"
"Does it cost extra?"
"All right, I'll have four sausages and a steak pie."
The way they're spelled.
Because he wouldn't beehive.
I was a hare away.
All right, everyone who wants to be in the painting, get on this side of the table.
Aria going to finish that?
My son told me that one of his friends was back at school today. I asked him where he had been and he told me he had mono but that it was really bad so it was really worse than mono. I replied with, good thing he didn't get stereo then. Blank stares all around...
Immediately after I felt sick and had a vowel movement. I better be careful because my next dump might spell disaster.
Brother: let me try that strawberry lemonade Takes sip and makes an awful face cause it was sour Yeah that is not my cup of tea.
Her: that's because it's strawberry lemonade.
I had to step out because I was laughing too hard.
My mom, dad, and I were sitting down eating supper when my dad pipes up, "You know how birds fly in a V pattern?"
My mom and I hesitantly say yeah.
He asks another question. "You know how one side is always longer than the other? Do you know why?"
Now I had read something about birds flying in patterns and I wasn't expecting a joke so I guess something about air resistance.
A grin starts to form on his face and he says "Because that side has more birds."
Pass the bread.
Dad: And we're off like a prom dress!
Milk and Wookies.
Nothing like some Yule Brinner to put you in the holiday spirit.
Server "my name is George if you need anything." her dad "I wonder what his name is if you don't need anything."
So we were out at a restaurant for her birthday and we're both teasing each other. She got in a really good zinger on me and with no comeback I grabbed the salt shaker and put a very small amount of salt on her fries as a joke.
She puts down her fork and with a completely series face says "I'm inSALTed".
It's a nice little place that serves Indian food, and some Canadian stuff, like pizza. We ordered their Hawaiian special, and loved it. I told my wife the texture of the crust lead me to think they used Indian flatbread for it.
She replied "So that is the secret ingredient?"
"Could be," I answered. "But it's naan of your business what their recipe is."
Ask them what they want to do today... Answer: "I don't know."
My standard reply, "OK, we'll do that then."
Or "What do you want for Supper?" Answer: "I don't know."
Fine, I'll make you something so weird, you'll look at it, and you won't know what it is!
Sometimes I almost feel sorry for them.... The feeling passes rapidly...
The Last Dessert?
"There's more (food) out there if you want some. Even if you don't, it's out there."
My dad said "I forgot I had pee in my pants" and pulled a handful of pea pods out of his pocket.
We were talking about after people die they either get buried or cremated and I told him that in ancient Egypt some people preformed self mummification. Then my dad said
"When I die I want to be DADified"
Explanation: (MUMmified but he's a dad so DADified) -.-
So we were having hard shell tacos for supper. As she was loading hamburger into it, she accidentally broke the taco in half. She turns to me and goes "crap I broke my taco". Without missing a beat I turn to her and say " I guess you could say..it's a shell of its former self". The groan was most satisfying.
My wife was fixing to start supper. She noticed the clock on the stove was wrong from the power going out yesterday. Her:what time is it? Me: hammer time The death stare and sigh of anger let me know I had done well.
She couldn't find the pepper grinder, and asked me if I knew where it was. I told it that it had been assulted.
My aunt and uncle recently adopted an Ethiopian boy. His first night in the states, he had pizza off the kids menu at Olive Garden. It was a small personal pizza, with an obvious circle shape. Couple days later, had pizza at his new parents. It was cut into the triangular shape. He went to school for the last day of the semester just to see what it was like, and they had square pizza.
Not knowing what the shapes were called in English, he drew the shapes for us. When he told us it was square pizza, my dad yelled out "they're cutting corners!"
Someone asked her uncle where he worked back in... Whenever. He answered "Muntz" and her dad chimed in "For muntz and muntz"