If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, all the other guests are supposed to pretend as if nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
What was the cannibal given after he showed up late to the dinner party?
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︎ Dec 12 2020
[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, Iβm sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
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︎ Dec 18 2020
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, βDo you want to hear todayβs special?β
I said, βYes please.β
Waiter: βNo problem sir. Today is special.β
Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.
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︎ Sep 13 2020
My wife rang me at the pub and said, βIf youβre not home in 10 minutes, Iβm giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.β I was home in 5 minutes.
Iβd hate for anything to happen to the dog.
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︎ Sep 06 2020
What did the cold, angry man eat for dinner?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 28 2021
So Iβm at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still donβt know because he hasnβt opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...
And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
βDad, I knew that story wasnβt real because you donβt have any friendsβ
π»π»ππβ οΈβ οΈ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
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︎ Jan 10 2021
Why Did the Anthropologist Get Invited to Every Fancy Dinner?
Turns out he was a man of culture.
π︎ 4
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︎ Jan 26 2021
My kid said he didnβt want the tri tip I bought him for dinner
So I told him if he didnβt eat, his life would be at steak
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︎ Dec 27 2020
What did the panda say when it got overcharged for dinner?
π︎ 36
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︎ Dec 20 2020
At the dinner table tonight
My wife cracks open an empty fortune cookie and asks, βWhat kind of fortune cookie doesnβt have a fortune??β
I chuckle between bites and say, βCall it a ... cookie.β
It really wasnβt funny but I havenβt laughed so hard in so long I ended up choking on my fried rice.
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︎ Jan 22 2021
The other night at dinner we were discussing the Apple/Hyundai teamup when...
...my oldest asks, "If they make an Apple Car, will it still have windows?"
I was so proud.
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︎ Jan 19 2021
The first company to rename their dinner rolls "gravy mops" is really going to clean up.
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 26 2020
What did the handbag salesman say when he ran out of Camembert at his dinner party?
Sorry, we're all out of Guccis.
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 31 2020
The key to a great Thanksgiving dinner is...
The tur-KEY.
Also, the key to a fun visit to the zoo is the mon-key.
And the key to a great science fiction movies is a Woo-key.
To ensure the maximum amount of eye-rolls, casually drop these into the conversation several minutes apart.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner
Bride: How come you never help with the dinner
Frankenstein: I did
Bride: How?
Frankenstein: I did the mash...
Bride: Don't you dare
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︎ Oct 23 2020
Had dinner with my gf on the roof...
π︎ 12
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︎ Nov 25 2020
How do the Obamaβs know when dinner is ready?
They can smell what Barack is cooking.
π︎ 64
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︎ Sep 24 2020
Why did the couple cancel their dinner plans at the local Indian restaurant?
They agreed it was a naan-starter
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 21 2020
My 6 yr old son has an attitude problem at the dinner table. He barely eats and always makes the rudest comments about the home-cooked food we provide him, so tonight we tried alphabet soup.
I really hope he eats his words.
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︎ Nov 06 2020
I was having dinner a few minutes ago, and I came to the conclusion that tofu is really overrated.
Itβs just a curd to me.
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︎ Oct 20 2020
To the person who took my iPhone off the dinner table, when I was distracted.
I hope you face time soon.
π︎ 4
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︎ Nov 10 2020
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo
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︎ Oct 19 2020
I went for dinner on the moon the other day
Great food, but no atmosphere
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 20 2020
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
π︎ 64
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︎ Sep 18 2020
Why was a sausage excluded from the dinner party?
The hot dogs and pickles agreed he was the wurst
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 24 2020
What did the chef use to keep his dinner stuck together?
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 22 2020
A priest was getting very annoyed with his young parishioners during dinner time and said if they continued misbehaving even the cutlery would be punished.
One boy said to another: "What? the fork in hell?"
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 18 2020
I asked my friend: How was the Indian dinner?
He said "Pretty good. Why do you ask"
"Just curry-us"
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︎ Aug 05 2020
Why didn't the teddy bear eat any dinner?
They were already stuffed!
π︎ 105
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︎ May 22 2020
I went to my parents house for dinner and when I walked through the front door my mom asks,"Are you hungry?"
So I told Her,"No.I'm half German and half Irish."
π︎ 8
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︎ Aug 10 2020
Did you hear the joke about the mouse's dinner?
Nevermind, it's too cheesy.
π︎ 22
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︎ Aug 01 2020
My family was doing the dinner dishes together and our mum was washing the dishes in the sink. She asked βcould you guys load the dishwasher please?β
So my dad brought her a glass of wine.
π︎ 8
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︎ Sep 10 2020
What did the cannibal's wife do when he came home late for dinner?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
π︎ 135
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︎ Apr 05 2020
I walked into the kitchen to help my wife prepare dinner and exclaimed, "Thatβs a nice ham youβve got there honey! Itβd really be a shame if someone..."
"...put an βsβ at the front and an βeβ at the end!"
π︎ 10
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︎ Jul 07 2020
Went to my butchers for my dinner but he gave me the wrong order
π︎ 10
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︎ May 17 2020
I was at the supermarket and I picked up these little odd shaped onions. When I got home my wife asked should she use them for dinner tonight, I told her "Yes, but they're quite strong so...
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 08 2020
(la) Cena in Spanish means "the dinner"
And here I thought John Cena looks more like a snacc.
π︎ 11
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︎ Jun 03 2020
What did the skeleton say before dinner?
Bone appetit.
His whole family found that humerus.
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︎ Jun 18 2020
What happened when the cannibal showed up late to dinner?
They gave him the cold shoulder
π︎ 71
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︎ Nov 09 2020
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, the other guests are expected to pretend as if nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 13 2020
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year it was bought.
It's an extremely rare dish order.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
Itβs an extremely rare dish order.
π︎ 77
π
︎ Jun 03 2020
While having dinner, I just came to the conclusion that tofu is highly overrated.
Itβs just a curd to me.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 19 2020
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
Itβs an extremely rare dish order.
π︎ 19k
π
︎ Apr 30 2019
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
Itβs an extremely rare dish order.
π︎ 287
π
︎ Jan 27 2020
Why didn't the teddy bear finish his dinner ?
π︎ 29
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︎ May 16 2020
If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases should have no reaction
π︎ 572
π
︎ Nov 17 2019
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