After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party.

It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.

πŸ‘︎ 425
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
🚨︎ report
So I went to a costume party dressed as a harp.

The host says, β€œWhat are you dressed as?” I tell him, β€œI’m a harp.” He says, β€œBut your costume is to small to be a harp.” I was incredibly offended, and tell him, β€œAre you calling me a lyre?!”

πŸ‘︎ 770
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MajicMan101
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
Fringe party [OC]
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ButterKnifeComics
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19
🚨︎ report
Why did sin and tan not go to the party?

Just cos

πŸ‘︎ 182
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSketchiest
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14
🚨︎ report
Why are fat penguins so popular at parties?

They know how to break the ice

πŸ‘︎ 382
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PygmeePony
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, β€œDo you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...

β€œNo thanks, I’m stuffed!"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
This joke may need a little work... I was going to throw a costume party this Halloween...

But, I think everyone would come as surgeons.

This is the part that may need work...

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
How does NASA organise a party

They Planet

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Satwik_Pandey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
🚨︎ report
What did the tree say when he was invited to a party

"Sure I wood come"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ViShAl2212
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
How did the cherry act at the dinner party?

Cordial.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crayonberryz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
My dad tells this at every party! /r/3amjokes/comments/i9r0…
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CinnamonThunder27
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
🚨︎ report
Iam fun at parties..
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rohithkumareb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
Do you know why monks never leave a party?

They’re always thinking β€œNahImmaStay”

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSinkingShit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
Cheddar and Brie are Gouda for parties

But I prefer to eat Provalone

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dmdeemer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16
🚨︎ report
Why did the mushroom go the the party?
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
Why was mushroom the life of the party?

Because he is a fun guy

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AbysmalVixen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
A carrot and his wife are walking home from a party late at night and he gets hit by a car.

Mrs. Carrot takes him to the ER and after a day of surgery, the doctor steps out and says, "Mrs. Carrot, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is, we saved your husband. The bad news is, he's going to be a vegetable the rest of his life."

πŸ‘︎ 129
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LargeBigHuge
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17
🚨︎ report
My brother and his wife won’t speak to me following their gender reveal party.

Apparently it refers to the baby.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
🚨︎ report
Why did Bayern Munich not eat at the party?

Because they 8-2 much for dinner

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hrishic2327
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
🚨︎ report
Obi wan and Anakin meet at a force ghost party.

Obi wan: Okay Anakin, answer this. Imagine, I am on a planet, very far away from yours. And I was out of range of all forms of communication.

Anakin: Okay...and?

Obi wan: And there was an urgent message, that you had to send me. How would you send it, when no messaging service would get to me?

Anakin: Simple. I would send it with sand. It gets everywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clone_Writer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02
🚨︎ report
Why is the mushroom always invited to the party?

Because he’s a fun guy.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14
🚨︎ report
Why don’t calculus majors party?

Because they can not drink and derive

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
Just happened. My kids are running around blowing a party noise marker. My wife's sister says " it sounds like an elephant in there"

I look up, straight faced, and calmly reply, "yeah, we don't talk about that.."

My wife buried her face for a good minute.. I'm proud of that one.

EDIT: I showed my wife how many ppl thought this was funny and she told me to say "please don't encourage him" .. :)

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trich101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
Where do skeletons go to party?

To a raveyard

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tioko
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
🚨︎ report
Last summer, I worked on a party boat for the assistants to the staff of Terry Crews

I was on the Crews' crew's crew cruise crew.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/exmachinalibertas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
How do you spot an italian birthday party?

Pizza cake

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JolleNi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
Why are can crushers not fun at parties?

They're always soda pressing

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Orion_Levy2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
Why Is Everyone Happy When The Mushroom Shows Up At The Party?

Because He's A Real Fungi.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/baronvb1123
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
did they reel-ize the party was over?
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spoonbirdie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
🚨︎ report
What did the car salesman say when he left the party?

β€œI’m Audi!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JammerJake2005
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
I went to an archaeology party where they were looking for remains of a lower leg

It was quite the shindig

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jdelisi18
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02
🚨︎ report
How do you throw a space party?

You planet!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dhanushbajaj
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14
🚨︎ report
I went to an archeology party yesterday where they were only looking for remains of a lower leg

It was quite the shindig.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DistortedWolf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01
🚨︎ report
I went to a Superman themed party.

But I had to leave early because there was a massive queue for the cloakroom.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
My archeologist buddy invited me to a party. Apparently the entertainment was looking for leg bones in his backyard.

It was quite the shindig

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
Costume party be like
πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CucaBeludo384
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
my party trick is swallowing two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my arse tied together....

i shit you knot!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mznalouise22
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
Every year on July 4th a group of ants get together inside a pen and have a dancing party.

It's "In the Pen Dance Day"!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/defa90
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
🚨︎ report
After my son’s team won the soccer game, the goalkeeper invited us to his house for a party.

It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
At Bob's retirement party the Director stands up and says "I'd just like to say a word about Bob", clears his throat and then says, "plethora",

Bob turns to him and says, "thank you, that means a lot".

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nomadic187187
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
Pirates are essential for every party...

Because they always bring doubloons!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jolly2284
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
I've been invited to a Halloween fancy dress party in town.

To brighten things up a bit, I'll be going as The Sun.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
I have a party trick

I swallow 2 pieces of string, after they've passed through my body they come out joined together. I sh*t you knot.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MuttonChopzzz
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
Party at the Roman Senate
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Melodic_Mulberry
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
How do astronomers organise a party?

They planet

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/g8ed_manual
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
We gave my Dad a birthday card that said he could party till the cows come home.

He said he utter-ly loved it!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fan2vt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
When I joined the local Grammar Nazi Party, they gave me their logo to put on my car. It's an upside-down, lower-case "e."

You know, a schwa sticker.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fat_Elvis_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
I just went to a firefighter party

It was lit!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Demonazzzz
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
I went to a Halloween party with my geometry teacher

Her costume was really squarey

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/procrastiprov
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
🚨︎ report
Why was the Boston Tea Party illegal?

It was destruction of Private Proper Tea!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zigbigidorlu
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
I once tried to hire a Prince impersonator for a Party...

... What do you know. It's not that Symbol.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cosmore
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
🚨︎ report
Why was the Congressional house party cancelled?

They forgot the Speaker.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BornOfAVegan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
People at our Christmas party were impressed when I showed off my incredibly detailed tattoo, but they didn't believe me when I tell them I got it done in Madrid.

Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Neighbours outside just had a reveal party. From all the hooting and hollering after the balloon pop...

I can report that they are having an owl

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/50ShadesOfPalmBay
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
Do you know who shouldn’t have house warming parties?

Eskimos.

If they have a house warming party their house will melt.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
Went to a meatloaf sampling party this past weekend.

Two out of three weren't bad.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewWaldron
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
I was at a party with 7 people named Dave

I was inundavid

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jtnels0
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
Nade is buying meat for your proposal surprise party.

Will you marinade?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/math-pro
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
How does NASA organization a party?

They planet.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Redwrx345
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
I was shocked to see the Memorial Day pool party videos from the south, but I can't really say I blame them...

Because Missouri loves company.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spiky3420
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking of starting a new website, exclusively so people can subscribe to Ninja Sex Party cover bands.

It's called OnlyDans.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoShizzity
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
After my son’s soccer game, the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards.

It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
Party

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah, a costume party," the man answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."

"But you look like Abe Lincoln." observed the barkeep.

"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
I burned my steak at my barbecue party today...

It was a big misteak

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Viktor-D
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
How do you organize a space party?

You planet

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperMegaPepega
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.

"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"

A shepherds spy.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
How does construction workers party ?

They raise the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/masprocas
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
How do astronomers organize a party?

They planet

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kazizxr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
Pluto always wanted to have a party for the outer gas giants…

... but he just couldn’t find time to planet.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
No parties ?
πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FreeClear
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
I went to a gender reveal party the other day

It was great, but I can’t work out why I was the only naked person there.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
How do you organise a space party ?

You planet!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NicJ20
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
People used to describe my father as a real β€œMan’s Man” the type to get all the men talking at the party. However he never really spoke to me,

I guess to me he was more of a β€œMime’s Man”.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTayloceraptor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
How do you organise a party in space?

You plan-et

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeletedForSpamm
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
How do you hold a party in space?

You have to planet

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TeepenTeepen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
What was the 16th president of the United States told before the dinner party?

Ay bring ham, Lincoln.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Keepscrollin-u
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
At my coworker's retirement party, I got up and said, "micro".

It meant very little to my retiring coworker.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.

Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in.

Even between the laughing and joking, the women in front of me insisted that we swap places, so I could get mine first.

I thought to myself at last a decent punchline

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
Went to a party where everyone was dressed as a birthday candle.

It was a blowout

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
We bought extra toilet paper for the party.

It's for the party poopers.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BadGuySmasher
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
Terrible Party
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/windsa1984
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
What did the scarecrow say during the garden party.

Lettuce turnip the beet

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
My wife said our son wants a space themed party

β€œSo what should I do?” I say, β€œPlanet”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/double_tap_00
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
What happened when a cannibal was very late getting to a dinner party?

They gave him the cold shoulder

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Feddny
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
🚨︎ report
The electric company I work for has a talent show at the annual company party.

One of the techs did a stand up comedy routine. The humor wasn’t very funny, it mostly went for shock value.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pikkl_rikk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
Hope everyone has a great time tonight at your owl watching parties!

I hear they are all going to be superb!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Benacor
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, the goalkeeper invited us for a party afterwards.

It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
How do you have a party in space?

You planet. 🌎

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobertT1222
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
Why was the mushroom invited to the party?

Because it was a fun guy.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tronkfool
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
Why am I the only person naked at this gender reveal party?
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rocketshoe21
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, their goalkeeper invited both of us to a party to celebrate.

It was the father, son, and the goalie host.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report

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