How do you pronounce the acronym for the Second Home Habitation Helpers?

"SHHH" "What - I'm just trying to ask a question!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MunkyPants
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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You do know that modern appliances are really spying on us, and sending back data on our habits. In fact..

Vacuum cleaners have been gathering dirt on us for years.

πŸ‘︎ 172
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
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I can't stop thinking about Bruce willis movies. I guess old habits

Pulp fiction.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daymanahaha
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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What do you call a nazi general with a habit of stealing small rodents?

Goebbels the Gerbil Burglar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pjburnhill
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
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What do you call a priest who dresses in a nun's habit?

A Transistor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmperorOfFabulous
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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Due to my flatulent habits my daughters have started calling me "Farther"

They didn't like it when I retaliated with...

"Daughturds"

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wasprobot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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An actual conversation between my wife and my son yesterday.

My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."

My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."

I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/infinit9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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I really wanted to become a monk.

But I never got the chants.

πŸ‘︎ 144
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArcticTrek
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer?

Father-in-law

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MalariaDamnYou
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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I was anxiously waiting to hear the result of the Worst Bad Habit Awards

It was nail-biting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alwaysthecold
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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My dog Minton has a terrible habit of eating shuttlecocks....

Bad Minton.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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What do you call it when a sister of the church is speaking gibberish?

Nun-sense!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Jalster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
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So I picked up a pretty bad smoking habit...

My son hates it... he always likes to tell me β€œdad! Stop! Smoking causes cancer”... I’m always disappointed to inform him, β€œNo son. Smoking causes ashes”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaSuperior
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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What do you call a naked nun?

Out of habit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MonocularJack
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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My friend Anne has the habit of hiring & firing people...

I hate to see someone Anne employed.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife left me because I made too many Linkin Park references

But in the end, it doesn't even matter

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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My friend has this weird habit where he gnaws at bricks when he visits someone’s home.

Doctors are calling it Munch housin’ syndrome.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a nun that sleepwalks?

A Roamin' Catholic

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmperorOfFabulous
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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My friends say I make too many action movie puns.......

I told them I can't help it, old habits DIE HARD.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Dark_Byte
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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I have a bad habit of ripping up my artwork if I don't like it.

I probably shouldn't have become a tattoo artist.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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Bought a book about my procrastination habit

I'll read it tomorrow

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charlieb2007
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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Why are nuns so predictable?

Because they're creatures of habit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/motobuddha
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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I had a habit of excess masturbation but I'm glad I was able to beat it.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devmittal_civ16
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
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I had to give up my habit of eating clocks

It was just too time consuming

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LevelVS
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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I have a compulsive habit of obliterating album CD's of classic hard rock bands

You could say I've got an appetite for destruction

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cinoxal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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What part of northern Canada is habitable?

Nunavut

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thats_Folked_Up
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...

It’s quite the CoNunDrum

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackJones2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Its ok to kiss a nun....

....but don't get into the habit.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
You know what they say about old habits...

you can buy them from a boot sale at a convent.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordJimsicle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Carrots have a hard time getting rid of bad habits.

It's a deeply rooted issue.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

πŸ‘︎ 686
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Bruce Willis will probably keep making action movies, because you know what they say about old habits...
πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/auroraborora
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I wonder if nuns ever pick up bad habits
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stupidlyugly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Don’t play pranks on your coworkers.

It’s a silly habitβ€”tricks are for kids!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
This weekend I will absolutely kick my habit of tapping on dead trees

Knock on wood.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather has this weird habit of naming all the fish he catches.

Yesterday he scaled Mount Everest.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my Priest if there were any habits that he couldn't break.

He replied that he prays everyday religiously.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GummyMcFatstacks
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do nuns wear black?

It's a habit they get into.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ag25666
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Whenever my friend walks into a room, he has this weird habit of taking the batteries out of all the clocks.

He claims he can stop it at any time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who had a dog named minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks?

Bad minton.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/milchhmann
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I have this bad habit

Of not finishing the

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sowyy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a bad habit of not finishing things
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PdawgUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a habit of excess masturbation but I'm glad I was able to beat it.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devmittal_civ16
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
nuns are literally creatures of habit
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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Nuns are creatures of habit.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostwriter623
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Carrots have a hard time getting rid of bad habits.

It's a deeply rooted issue.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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