A fireman was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon, with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle...

The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and cat.

"That sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman said with admiration.

"Thanks!" the girl replied.

The fireman looked a little closer and noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

The fireman said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2017
🚨︎ report
My neighborhood bar, there's a girl from Anchorage who works there. Another barfly asks me where she's from....

(Jersey accent) I don't know, Alaska.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JSNhova
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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someone asked me why i'm dating a girl that works as a typist

i said she's just my type.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdalgarDietbitch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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If girls with big boobs work at Hooters where do girls with only one leg work?

IHOP

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RICKDOGG424
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally went to talk to the super cute girl who works in the Egyptian super market.

Her: What can I do for you?

Me: I'm looking for a date.

Her: Oh, what kind of dates?

Me: Uhmm, just dinner and a movie :)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gliscor_dude
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.

As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"

πŸ‘︎ 26k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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I went on a date last night with a girl from the zoo

It was great. She’s a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
There was a girl I work with named Novalee, and one day I asked her how her name was spelled.

She looked at me and said, β€œGuess.” I responded with, β€œWow! That’s NOTHING like how it’s spelled!” And from that moment on I would only call her Guess.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBatJ3w
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I met a girl on tinder whose bio said she used to work at a meat packing plant and that she'd heard all the jokes before...

So I asked her out on a date for the weekend but to let me know by Friday if she had to can salami.

(Cancel on me)

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I went out with a one legged girl once who worked in a brewery.

She was in charge of the hops.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeftyDanielson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A girl I’m dating owns a bakery and works long hours. I don’t think it’s going to work out.

She’s too kneady.

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
The girl with the big booty and a lisp wasn’t at work

She must have called in thick

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jacktheskier13
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
🚨︎ report
An actual conversation with work friends

We’re sitting in the chill out area at work and there’s an old Metallica guitar Tab book near us.

One of the girls says β€œThat book smells like the 90’s”.

A guy laughs and says β€œWhat does the 90’s smell like?”

I say β€œTeen Spirit!”

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/r1pen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy gets all the girls. I watched him work once. He approached a lady and said, "girl, you remind me of a thick, creamy beverage made from raw fruit, vegetables, and sometimes dairy products, typically pureed using a blender!"

He's such a smoothie talker.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been talking to this vegan girl but I don't think we will ever work out...

She keeps refusing to meat up.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/egoistisch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I met a girl on the internet once but it didn’t work out

I call her my Webex

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGinuineOne
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I keep telling this girl who works on a farm to get over the loss of her favorite cow.

But she couldn't put it pasture.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnimuTrappu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried playing hide and seek with the girl who works at my local Chinese restaurant.

No good, she kept Peking.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLastHeroHere
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I went on a date with a girl who worked at BT. The connection was terrible
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Richardbaconaise
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Scored a date with a hot vegan girl by telling her I worked with animals

I don’t think she’ll be too pleased when she finds out I’m a butcher

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WattoNUFC
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I remember my first girlfriend. She was an almond delivery girl. Sadly, it didn't work out.

She drove me nuts.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Met a HOT girl who said she works in finance

So I asked her, "Do you build or are you a financial model?"

I continued..."Sorry I know that you think that pickup line was WACC; hopefully just 7% or so."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spelingbchamp
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
i know this girl that works at an electric company

shes shockingly good looking and has a sparky personality, people tell me they wouldn't mind sticking their plug in her outlet, and no one knows her current situation, she also carries a taser with her so she's really stunning, wait? wire we talking about this again?

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skatrumpet07
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2015
🚨︎ report
I like a girl who works in a farmyard.

I guess I’m A-Tractor-Ed to her.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coreysimulator
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Not a dad, but got a girl with one at work.

I work at Chipotle, and I spend the mornings bagging chips and putting them up on display. After we opened the cashier said, "those chips are too close together. I almost knocked over some trying to one down."

Without even thinking I said, "yeah, sorry...I run a pretty tight chip."

She didn't laugh. :/

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Captain_Planet_27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2017
🚨︎ report
the puppy test

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

  1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
  2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
  3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
  4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
  5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
  6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
  7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
  8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
  9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
  10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
  11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
  12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
  13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
  14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
  15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
  16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
  17. Always go straight home after work or school
  18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
  19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
  20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
3 unwritten rules of life...
πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryannbajaj
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I work in produce. Dadjoked a group of girls.

A group of like 5 girls were coming through the department and asked me where the cabbage was, so i took them to it and when they said thank you i pointed to the lettuce and said, "Sure thing. LETTUCE know if you need anything else." One laughed and the others groaned. I felt quite accomplished.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyllama256
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2015
🚨︎ report
Work IT and girl brings laptop that she spilled coffee on

As protocol, we always recommend that the client turns off their laptop after a spill.

My boss walks by and says "You know, she's gonna have to put her laptop to sleep but now it won't be able to!"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lumshot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2016
🚨︎ report
Girl at work got me

I was at the top of an 8 foot ladder. One of my coworkers walked up and was looking up at me.

Me: whats up?

Her: you are!

She started giggling and walked off as i looked at her dumbfounded.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/booziwan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2014
🚨︎ report
Dajoked pretty girl at work

I work at a university ID card center where we take photos.

Girl: ugh god my please tell me my hair doesn't look like shit.

Me: No worries, shit looks NOTHING like hair.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wellphuck
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2014
🚨︎ report
After getting married, the woman filed for divorce the very next morning...........

Judge: "I don't understand, what happened?"

Woman: "I work in a pharmacy. I met him when he first came there last week and asked to purchase an X-X-X-X-L condom. That's when I thought, for a happy pleasureful life, I should get him to marry me before any other girls find out and lap him up."

Judge: "ok.... then? "

Woman: "I held my excitement all day thru the wedding, waiting for the night..... so at night when I my curiosity couldn't wait any longer........I found out something."

Judge: "what?"

Woman: "the Bastard has speech disorder.... he STAMMERS!!"

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I work at a pawnshop/payday loan store and the payday loan girl was trying to fill the store ATM..

Girl: You guys have any twenties?

Boss: Go fish!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/haydskies
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2013
🚨︎ report
If girls with big boobs work at The Hooters, where do the girls with only one leg work?

IHOP

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/s1_amit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
If girls with big boobs work at Hooters, where do girls with one leg work?

ihop.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Vile1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.

As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I dated a one legged girl who worked at a brewery.

She was in charge of the hops.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jengofitzpatrick
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2017
🚨︎ report
I dated a one legged girl who worked at the brewery....

She was in charge of the hops

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I dated a one legged girl who worked at a brewery.

She was in charge of the hops.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
If girls with big boobs work at Hooters, where do girls with one leg work?

IHOP

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Canadbis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
If girls with big boobs work at Hooters, where do girls with one leg work?

Ihop.

πŸ‘︎ 528
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thingswhitechxsay
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2014
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do girls with one leg work at

Not IHOB

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hughmann_notalien
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad joked a girl at work today.

I was walking around at work today and a girl asked me, "Hey, why are you always walking around looking like that?" I said, "If I didn't walk around looking like this no one would recognize me."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/monkeybassturd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2015
🚨︎ report

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