An American is working out
“This workout is intense!” He huffs to his friend. “My heart is pounding!”
“Huh?” Says the friend.
“Oh, sorry, I forgot you’re European. My heart is ‘kilogramming’.” He replies.
How does a T-Rex feel after working out?
Kindasoar.
Boyfriend told me this after we discussed our workout today 🥲
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
Ive checked and checked and i just cant work out why my calculator has stopped working!!!
I spent four months working out and still haven't got any abs...
I couldn't figure out why the U.S. Mint wasn't working...
But then it started to make cents.
Why does the thought of working out terrifies me
Because of the dreadmill!
Two chefs are working on a meal, the first chef is caramelising onions when some spill out the pan, the second chef says “what happened? Onions can’t jump by themselves”
the first chef responds with “they can if they’re spring onions”
Went to the gym and saw some guy working out dressed as General Grievous
I couldn’t figure out why my car keys weren’t working
If you were The Weeknd’s driver you could get a lot of *milage* out of the joke, I’m just working for The Weeknd
How did Chris Hemsworth feel after he started working out for the new Avengers movie?
Working out is like a drug to me.
Last night I dreamt about working out and having big arms.
But those were just pipe dreams
Microsoft tried working with Apple for their next console but it failed to pan out
As a result, they named it the Xbox Siri's Ex.
Her: It’s not working out between us. For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes.
Me: I understand. And for the main course?
I was working out my calves at the gym today.
The instructor said, "How the hell did you bring the cows here?"
What did Odin's son say after working out?
Before working out, I used to hate my physique
But now my muscles are really growing on me.
While cuddling my girlfriend, I whispered "Honey, this isn't working out for me."
Then I rolled off the bed and started doing push-ups. "This is working out for me!"
Been working out for a few months and am finally seeing my gains.
What did the mom potato say when she found out her baby potatoes were working for the enemy?
Got hired at a gym recently as a personal trainer but it wasn't working out...
I had to put in my too weak notice.
A hippy was working in a cake shop and decided he wanted to cut out the middle man
And so was invented the donut
I’m working at a concert today but the power is out
I’m telling all of the attendees that if they have a flashlight, now is their time to shine.
What do you call a snowman who has been working out at the gym?
The Abdominable Snowman
(Genuinely got this from my dad)
Why did the hamburger start working out?
...to get better buns
EDIT: I got called away to do some actual work before I could add this: I credit Dr. Jason Bull for this, from an episode of Bull, reading from the bag that he got a burger in.
Finally started working out again and this is what my dad thinks
My wife texted me while she was out working in her rosebushes
Did you hear about the superhero who’s always working out?
I smelled pretty badly after working at the sewage plant then working out, but went in for a hug from my wife anyway...
She gave me the stink eye as she recoiled away.
I got banned from asking Reddit and was told to post a drawing of a milkshake working out, this was my response.
imgur.com/gallery/HjKV9
What did the super hero with a lisp say after working out?
I wrote two full pages of working out for my Calculus class...
Seems like Calcumore to me!
To avoid strain when thinking about working out involves a stretch of my imagination.
I’m glad I kept working out, im finally starting to see results.
I guess good things comes to those who weight.
Barbie's been working out, but body proportions are definitely
[At the restaurant] Her: This isn’t working out between us. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
Working out is like a drug to me
Her: It’s not working out between us. For starters, I’m sick of your stupid jokes.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
What did the superhero with a lisp say after working out?
Did you hear about the superhero with a lisp who was always working out?
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