An American is working out

โ€œThis workout is intense!โ€ He huffs to his friend. โ€œMy heart is pounding!โ€

โ€œHuh?โ€ Says the friend.

โ€œOh, sorry, I forgot youโ€™re European. My heart is โ€˜kilogrammingโ€™.โ€ He replies.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 58
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TheCVisNih
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 22 2020
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How does a T-Rex feel after working out?

Kindasoar.

Boyfriend told me this after we discussed our workout today ๐Ÿฅฒ

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 24
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/MinxKitty
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 17 2020
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My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, โ€œDad get out of the way!โ€

I said, โ€œYouโ€™re the ones blocking!โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 16k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Colbosky
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 27 2020
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Ive checked and checked and i just cant work out why my calculator has stopped working!!!

It just doesnโ€™t add up.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Strange_An0maly
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 16 2020
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I spent four months working out and still haven't got any abs...

What a waist of time.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ana_tommy16
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 01 2020
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I couldn't figure out why the U.S. Mint wasn't working...

But then it started to make cents.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Funny-Promise956
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 20 2020
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Why does the thought of working out terrifies me

Because of the dreadmill!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Magnificent-Moe
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 03 2020
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Two chefs are working on a meal, the first chef is caramelising onions when some spill out the pan, the second chef says โ€œwhat happened? Onions canโ€™t jump by themselvesโ€

the first chef responds with โ€œthey can if theyโ€™re spring onionsโ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/thebiunicorn
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 06 2020
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Went to the gym and saw some guy working out dressed as General Grievous

He was working fourarms.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Subtle_Static
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 17 2020
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I couldnโ€™t figure out why my car keys werenโ€™t working

And then it clicked

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Galixee
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 17 2020
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If you were The Weekndโ€™s driver you could get a lot of *milage* out of the joke, Iโ€™m just working for The Weeknd
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/AnnieDog23456
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 12 2020
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How did Chris Hemsworth feel after he started working out for the new Avengers movie?

Thor

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Sir_Pluses
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 20 2020
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Working out is like a drug to me.

I donโ€™t do drugs.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 411
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Quint_Cordewener
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 18 2019
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Last night I dreamt about working out and having big arms.

But those were just pipe dreams

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/DonyKing
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 26 2020
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Microsoft tried working with Apple for their next console but it failed to pan out

As a result, they named it the Xbox Siri's Ex.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Brizven
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 20 2020
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Her: Itโ€™s not working out between us. For starters, Iโ€™m sick of your terrible jokes.

Me: I understand. And for the main course?

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 567
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 20 2019
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It's not working out
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 26
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/areyouhavestupid
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 12 2019
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I was working out my calves at the gym today.

The instructor said, "How the hell did you bring the cows here?"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 115
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/sodomicity
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 31 2018
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What did Odin's son say after working out?

Im a little Thor.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 23
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/MobileTechGuy
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 09 2019
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๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/neel_o2
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 03 2019
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Before working out, I used to hate my physique

But now my muscles are really growing on me.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/fourthbenjamin
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 11 2019
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While cuddling my girlfriend, I whispered "Honey, this isn't working out for me."

Then I rolled off the bed and started doing push-ups. "This is working out for me!"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/alexslivi
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 04 2014
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Been working out for a few months and am finally seeing my gains.
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/CAGoldenBear
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 06 2018
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What did the mom potato say when she found out her baby potatoes were working for the enemy?

Traitor tots!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/CryptoReaper5
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 07 2019
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Got hired at a gym recently as a personal trainer but it wasn't working out...

I had to put in my too weak notice.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 38
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/kevingcp
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 14 2019
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A hippy was working in a cake shop and decided he wanted to cut out the middle man

And so was invented the donut

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/notmikerealname
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 14 2019
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Iโ€™m working at a concert today but the power is out

Iโ€™m telling all of the attendees that if they have a flashlight, now is their time to shine.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/teuast
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 18 2018
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What do you call a snowman who has been working out at the gym?

The Abdominable Snowman

(Genuinely got this from my dad)

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 27
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/LordOfTheBored
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 23 2018
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Why did the hamburger start working out?

...to get better buns

EDIT: I got called away to do some actual work before I could add this: I credit Dr. Jason Bull for this, from an episode of Bull, reading from the bag that he got a burger in.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Pucker_Factor_10
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 03 2019
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Finally started working out again and this is what my dad thinks
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/scottBIGG
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 29 2013
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My wife texted me while she was out working in her rosebushes
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/breakone9r
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 11 2018
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Did you hear about the superhero whoโ€™s always working out?

Heโ€™s Thor.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/saltykid1234
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 06 2019
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I smelled pretty badly after working at the sewage plant then working out, but went in for a hug from my wife anyway...

She gave me the stink eye as she recoiled away.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 27 2019
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I got banned from asking Reddit and was told to post a drawing of a milkshake working out, this was my response. imgur.com/gallery/HjKV9
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Gloryblackjack
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 15 2017
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What did the super hero with a lisp say after working out?

I'm Thor

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 21
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/whiskeyboundcowboy
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 10 2018
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I wrote two full pages of working out for my Calculus class...

Seems like Calcumore to me!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/cruooshup
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 07 2018
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To avoid strain when thinking about working out involves a stretch of my imagination.
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/yeags
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 25 2017
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Iโ€™m glad I kept working out, im finally starting to see results.

I guess good things comes to those who weight.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Domthehuman1
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 22 2017
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Barbie's been working out, but body proportions are definitely
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Bow_To_Your_Sensei
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 02 2016
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[At the restaurant] Her: This isnโ€™t working out between us. For starters, Iโ€™m sick of your awful jokes.

Me: Ok, and for the main course?

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 26 2019
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Working out is like a drug to me

I donโ€™t do drugs

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 62
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/eskipepsi
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 30 2019
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Her: Itโ€™s not working out between us. For starters, Iโ€™m sick of your stupid jokes.

Me: Ok, and for the main course?

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 88
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 27 2018
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What did the superhero with a lisp say after working out?

Iโ€™m Thor.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Eliied
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Did you hear about the superhero with a lisp who was always working out?

He's Thor

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/DuffManSzALotAThings
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 18 2017
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

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