I pulled a muscle digging for gold....

no worries though, it's just a miner injury.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
My priest prescribed a circuit of crunches, flutter kicks, bicycles, and plank holds for the guilt I confessed about neglecting my stomach muscles during workouts.

I finally received my abs solution.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterPlumbean
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the person with muscle pain put their doctor through a Soda Stream?

Because they needed to see a fizzier therapist.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lukestoney
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of a prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in a year?

A trophy.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TerroristOgre
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m looking for some kind of outer covering for muscles and bones.

Not for me. A skin for a friend.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/donkeyknuckles
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you get for winning a muscle loss competition? /r/Jokes/comments/logfot/…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Satolah
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I pulled a muscle while trying to come up with some synonyms.

Now I’m thesorest...

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you win if you don't move a single muscle all week?

A trophy!!!

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshually
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What the best way to make a muscle contract?

Make them sign on the dotted line.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmTheTrueGeniud
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why I don't drive muscle cars?

Because I'm not shellfish.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Archaeologists found traces of Trinitrotoluene in a T-Rex skeleton. Scientists have since determined that T-Rex's muscles used the compound to function.

TNT. It's dino might.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/veive
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What's a circus performers favorite muscle?

A trapezius!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VerbalAcrobatics
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a muscle-bound bee?

Beefy

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an Egyption's butt muscle?

A sphinxster

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call A cop with A pulled muscle?

Pulled pork

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cuppedcookie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I wasn’t a big fan of having muscle when I started weightlifting

It’s growing on me though

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Potato_253
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the lips say to the facial muscle?

You make me smile.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/heavencatnip
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the strongest muscle in your nose?

Your finger.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vulcandrifter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know what makes me smile? Facial muscles
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Doctor: β€œYou’ve damaged several muscles including your calf and your quad.”

Patient: β€œIs that true, or are you just pulling my leg?”

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nitroade24h
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with big muscles and small brains?

An oxymoron!

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NukulerNicky
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my personal trainer for another way to work my trapezius muscles besides doing pull downs...

He shrugged and walked away.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
The Gluteus Maximus is the largest muscle of the body.

It's a huge ass muscle.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/INeedMoreHobbies
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me that I won an award for my rare muscle condition.

It was atrophy.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Evan_Fishsticks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
People get mad that I'm able to control my iris using nothing but extraocular muscles

but that's how eye roll

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmshady
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
By the way. I was hit with a huge piece of animal muscles from outer space yesterday. I used it to make steaks after.

I was hit by a meaty-ore.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/P0tat0sa11ad
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My first car was a muscle car.

Every morning I had to push it to start.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
So I was scrambling some eggs this morning and if you know me, I like my eggs real scrambled. So I was going at these eggs hard, using all of my muscle to whisk these bad boys, when suddenly my arm goes numb and I passed out.

I guess you could say I β€œover-eggxerted” myself.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KekMudkip
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
After an intense session at the gym, I asked my personal trainer what was the best way to show off my new muscles.

He told me to hang upside down from a tree branch and curl my arms behind my back.

I said β€œweird flex but OK”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/procrastiprov
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I told my dad that I pulled a muscle

He told me to push it back

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_BarChuk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I never understood why muscles get a trophy...
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sozialabfall
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the joint say when asked if it'd be at the Muscle Party?

I'm a tendon.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/screaminginfidels
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a line of Chevy muscle cars?

A Camarow

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/l3enjerman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
🚨︎ report
I pulled a muscle digging for gold.

It was just a miner injury.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rmath12
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I pulled a muscle swinging my pickaxe.

It was a miner injury.

πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RingsideRoss
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I pulled a muscle while digging up gold

It's just a miner injury

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crimsonangel68
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I pulled a muscle while I was digging for gold.

Just a miner injury.

πŸ‘︎ 153
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiosMioMan2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I pulled a muscle digging for gold

Just a miner injury

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I pulled a muscle digging for gold

Just a miner injury!!

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?

A trophy.

πŸ‘︎ 146
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?

A trophy

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Famousspy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know what really makes me laugh? Facial muscles.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Okidety1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?

A trophy

πŸ‘︎ 987
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Do you know what really makes me laugh? Facial muscles.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Okidety1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
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