What kind of a prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in a year?

A trophy.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TerroristOgre
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
What do you call A cop with A pulled muscle?

Pulled pork

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cuppedcookie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
I asked my personal trainer for another way to work my trapezius muscles besides doing pull downs...

He shrugged and walked away.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
Doctor: β€œYou’ve damaged several muscles including your calf and your quad.”

Patient: β€œIs that true, or are you just pulling my leg?”

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nitroade24h
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
What’s the strongest muscle in your nose?

Your finger.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vulcandrifter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with big muscles and small brains?

An oxymoron!

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NukulerNicky
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
Do you know what makes me smile? Facial muscles
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know what really makes me laugh? Facial muscles.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Okidety1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
People get mad that I'm able to control my iris using nothing but extraocular muscles

but that's how eye roll

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmshady
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My first car was a muscle car.

Every morning I had to push it to start.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
The Gluteus Maximus is the largest muscle of the body.

It's a huge ass muscle.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/INeedMoreHobbies
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
By the way. I was hit with a huge piece of animal muscles from outer space yesterday. I used it to make steaks after.

I was hit by a meaty-ore.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/P0tat0sa11ad
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an Arab with big muscles?

Protein sheik

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrYellowfield
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Native Australians were the first to develop the six pack muscle in their belly.

Ab originals.

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me that I won an award for my rare muscle condition.

It was atrophy.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Evan_Fishsticks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I told my dad that I pulled a muscle

He told me to push it back

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_BarChuk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
So I was scrambling some eggs this morning and if you know me, I like my eggs real scrambled. So I was going at these eggs hard, using all of my muscle to whisk these bad boys, when suddenly my arm goes numb and I passed out.

I guess you could say I β€œover-eggxerted” myself.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KekMudkip
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I never understood why muscles get a trophy...
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sozialabfall
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
After an intense session at the gym, I asked my personal trainer what was the best way to show off my new muscles.

He told me to hang upside down from a tree branch and curl my arms behind my back.

I said β€œweird flex but OK”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/procrastiprov
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the joint say when asked if it'd be at the Muscle Party?

I'm a tendon.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/screaminginfidels
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
How do Aliens gain muscle?

They use Asteroids.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
🚨︎ report
They say that when you encounter a lion, you shouldn't move a muscle.

So when I encountered one, I stood still for 6 hours.

Then a bloke approached me and said, "The zoo is about to be closed."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Does anti-tein take away muscle?
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StripedTiger711
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a line of Chevy muscle cars?

A Camarow

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/l3enjerman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
🚨︎ report
I pulled a muscle on my recent vacation to Florida, and I have no idea how.

I’m thinking of calling C.S.I. My-hammy.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad walked into the fish mongers, and asked if he had any muscles...

Yes, said the monger. Well can you help me move my fridge, said my dad?

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm exercising my eyebrow muscles by raising them high.

Try it. You'll be surprised.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KL1P1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What day should you work out your toe muscles?

Toeday!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Gnome
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad bought a plug-in electric car and a gas-guzzling muscle car on the same day...

He told me he thought that with a battery-powered car it would be a good idea to have a Charger as well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/et11robot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2016
🚨︎ report
What profession has the best muscle memory?

Marine Biologists!!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoursweetlord70
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2017
🚨︎ report
what's the type of bra that's good for your muscles?

a push up bra

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2017
🚨︎ report
100% Muscle is a great slogan to put on a tanktop

But a bad one for a hat.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BHappy317
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a circular muscle with the head of a man and the body of a lion?

A Sphinxter

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StructuralFailure
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the body builder get for losing all his muscle?

A trophy.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2017
🚨︎ report
Partly electrocuted on stage, her diminished muscle control meant the orchestra had to figure some things out for themselves. What was she?

A semiconductor

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnabbe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2016
🚨︎ report
Favoring adolescents is good for your muscle building...

You need protein to be in shape

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dan_Berg
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2016
🚨︎ report
My 16 yr old son loves muscle cars and luxury cars. He noticed a beautiful Lexus next to us at a light. I told him too bad Lexus doesn't make a muscle car.

They could call it Flexus.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iJohnny0
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2016
🚨︎ report
Every time my brother says he has muscles.

Dad: feels brothers arm Oh yeah your muscles are pretty hard.

Brother: Thanks!

Dad: Hard to find.

Brother: Thanks....

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegoBricker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2014
🚨︎ report
Muscle feelings.

I got my friend real good tonight.

Friend: My back muscle is spazing

Me: Why is it?

Friend: I don't know, maybe I should ask it!

Me: Maybe you should, it has feelings you know.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scrubo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2016
🚨︎ report
Told my girlfriend that a certain video hits me right in the funny muscle.

Her: good thing there's no such thing"

Me: "There is"

Her: "do you actually know anatomy or are you just bullshitting me?"

Me: "I was trying to think of a joke correlating to that bone in the upper arm... Forgot what it's called, but I guess I'm not that humerus."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2015
🚨︎ report
Got dad joked by my muscle-head friend today

I'm new to working out and supplements and all that. I asked him if he had any suggestions for what protein to get. He responded with "let's whey the options". I should have seen that coming

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2015
🚨︎ report
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?

A trophy.

πŸ‘︎ 140
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
Do you know what really makes me laugh? Facial muscles.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Okidety1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?

A trophy

πŸ‘︎ 989
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2017
🚨︎ report

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