Only works when spoken instead of typed out
I once dated a girl missing 1 leg, it didn't work out though...
I'm lack toes intolerant.
I once dated an X-Ray Tech. It didn’t work out.
I was struggling to find out how lightning works..
My uncle used to work at a factory that recycled worn out whitewalls. One day, he fell into one of the processing machines...
Like in Star Wars, things will work out for you
With Luke on your side.
Always look on the light side of the life force.
I tried dating a communist, but it didn’t work out.
There were too many red flags.
What do you call a dinosaur that works out?
I've been stressed out recently with too much work.
So I went to a restaurant to treat myself. When I got my food i was too uptight to finish it.
I guess I have too much on my plate.
I just found out the country of Canada is a complete work of fiction.
when I was a child we were so poor that my mother made us clothes out of the scraps my dad would bring home from work at the sandpaper factory
My wife came home from work stressed out from her day. I asked her how I could help, she asked me to draw her a bath.
I showed her the drawing I made, she replied “that wasn’t really what I had pictured...”
I thought about being a comedian instead of a mailman, but it didn't work out
My delivery was terrible.
Whats a zombies favorite work out?
My Wife is freaking out about this coronavirus. She made me promise I'd put the mask on before I left for work this morning......
Now I’m two hours late and I don’t even like Jim Carey
I saw an interview with an out of work contortionist the other day
He’s struggling to make ends meet
How does pacman work out?
A walk a walk a walk a walk a walk a walk
Not sure if this board works out.
Yeah, I work out. I do one sit-up every day.
When I get up in the morning, that’s half. When I lie back down at night, that’s the other half.
I bought a coin machine yesterday and I can't figure out how it works
It literally makes no sense
Pro tip: If you are looking for a cheap way to work out at home, consider using milk jugs as weights.
But be sure to use almond or soy milk, I’ve heard they’re the healthier alternatives.
I tried to make jokes about the millions unemployed and out of work.
Old [and lazy] guy at work says, “you know what work out is best for lazy people?”
“Diddly squat”. Dead pan serious as he says it too.
Ive checked and checked and i just cant work out why my calculator has stopped working!!!
My ex left me because I was determined to buy van and sell spaghetti out of the back, she told me it wouldn’t work
Should have seen her face when I drove pasta
I recently found out my wiener doesn’t work anymore. I decided to have a funeral since it’s pretty much dead now. My sweet wife asked if anything would make me feel better.
I replied, Perhaps mourning would...
I took my new gun to the range to try it out, but somehow it won’t work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
I tried to make a belt out of Italian herbs, but it didn’t work
It was just a waist of thyme
my boss found out I'm high at work
but I can't help being 6'1 so he didn't fire me after all
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work. I got chatting to him, and it turns out he is a pilot on furlough, earning a bit of cash.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
Sitting in the ER with my son last night, he got me with this one. I was trying to lift his spirits and was pointing out all the crazy equipment they have in the room. I said "Oh look. They have tongue depressers." He says "Those won't work on me." I asked why and he says...
"I'm on antidepressants."
He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.
Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.
Picking up my friend for work...he messaged me sayin he'd be right out, he was fixin' coffee...
So i asked "how'd it break?"
I've been out of work for a while but have just got a job at a factory making periscopes.
Someone told me to work my calves out because my legs were too small
I still don’t know how it was supposed to help, but my calves ran away.
I miss Luigi and Maria.
Finally realised these "gym" boards are not going to work out.
What do you call a cow that works out?
Beefy
- my 15 year old daughter trying to emulate my sense of humor.
My friend told me if I want to get out of doing the dishes, try dropping some of them. I tried it, it didn't work.
But then during babysitting.
Being a plumber and out of work because of the lockdown I've started my own vegetable patch.
It's going really well and I've just noticed my first leek!
What do you call a cow that works out?
I learned how to draw an isometric the other day, but it didn’t work out.
I tried coming at it from a different angle, but it looked really sketchy
What do you call a place where annelids work out?
How well did the battery made using chicken ovules work out you ask?
There’s this really out of touch old janitor that works at my office building.
At least he’s an ok broomer.
Out of work?
I hear the detective agency is looking for people.
A girl I’m dating owns a bakery and works long hours. I don’t think it’s going to work out.
How'd they work out the thief was a T-Rex?
They kicked me out of art school when my sculpture didn't work out as planned.
I reached my statue of limitations.
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work on the house. I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a British Airways pilot who’s been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.
He made a lovely job of the landing.
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