Kleptomaniacs don’t really understand puns.

Kleptomaniacs don’t really understand puns ... they take everything literally.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rush2sk8
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.

It's pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EmBeeCSGO
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Aussies will understand
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I hope you understand
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/midgetporn6969
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
When you understand:
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dbnp19
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down.

Do you think it's stumped?

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Couldn't understand why my dog was totally motionless....

Then I realised, it was on paws.

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
They say there are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don't.

I think that's Booleshit.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/praisethelort
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife said, β€œI don’t quite understand the science behind human cloning.”

Me: That makes two of us.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I don't understand how Elvis got so fat....

He ate nothing but a hound dog.

Thank you, thank you very much.....

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I understand sign language

An octagon means stop, the triangle means slow down...

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bcjgreen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I don’t understand why I can't lose weight.

I thought dieting was a piece of cake.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to see my psychiatrist and told him that "no one understands me."

He said, "What do you mean by that?"

πŸ‘︎ 139
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife says I don’t understand prepositional phrases.

I told her to get under it!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.

I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beanimus0829
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Opened the electric bill and the Wife can't understand why i'm on the floor laughing.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JJJoyce
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked me if the Fibonacci sequence was difficult to understand.

I said, β€œNo, it’s as easy as 1,1,2,3.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't understand why people buy velcro shoes.

It's a total ripoff!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YaBoiSav
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't understand why anyone would use a club instead of a sword

It's pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pksage
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Still scratching my head in confusion, trying to understand why was I thrown out of the interview room???

My answer was spot on, upon being asked to give an example on a "Business being completely ruined due to carelessness" All I said was... "A Pregnant Prostitute"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I have to tell someone about this because I'm at home alone with my 2 year old and 11 month old, and they're to young to understand my best dad joke ever.

My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Superj89
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t understand why my calculator just stopped working.

It just doesn’t add up.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/varunmohan02
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Only a fraction of people will understand this!
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DGAF775
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't understand how some people don't care about elephants being an endangered species.

I guess they just find them irrelephant.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HunterZX77
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't understand why people complain about COVID 19...

It is breathtaking.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StarGameDK
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s a bit calculated to understand this pun
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A baggage handler couldn’t understand how he caught COVID 19 but was discharged from hospital the next day.

The Doctor told him it was a brief-case.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elliottcrawford69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
As a blind comedian, I have been trying to understand my audience.

Ah, who am I kidding?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My son didn't understand what i do as an electrician.

He was shocked after i explained.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
We're doing everything right, I don't understand why we can't make a baby.

It's inconceivable.

πŸ‘︎ 213
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Persons1001
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
totally not his fault, can understand
πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why could no one understand the trains reasoning.

It had locomotives

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deathdlr34
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Took me a moment to understand
πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kris122Angel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I actually don’t understand why Donald Trump wants to ban TikTok

What’s Kesha done to deserve this?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I Don't Understand Why People Have Been Hating On The Police.

Roxanne is a really good song.

πŸ‘︎ 141
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amazorman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
So, you do understand how constantly treating life like an improv class is unhealthy right?

Yes, and?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crownamedcheryl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter said she did not understand probability

I said, "What are the chances"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xilacxilac
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Kleptomaniacs don’t really understand puns

They take everything literally

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/branon42
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Why don't Kleptomaniacs understand puns?

Because they take things literally.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jaydvd3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Kleptomaniacs never understand jokes.

They always take things, literally.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/halokost
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I can’t understand why my calculator just stopped working

It just doesn’t add up

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alwaysthecold
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't understand why my calculator just stopped working

It just doesn't add up

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/baconlover09
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, is the Fibonacci sequence difficult to understand?”

β€œNo, it’s easy as 1,1,2, 3.”

πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I can’t understand why my calculator wont work.

It just doesn’t add up.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I still don't understand cloning machines

That makes two of us

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
1 pun was hidden from this page. Show all.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.