My dad’s answer to everything is alcohol....

He doesn’t drink, it's just that he's really bad at crossword puzzles...

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
🚨︎ report
I keep asking iris why some people have dyslexia, but she won't answer.

Maybe my iPhone is just broken.

πŸ‘︎ 713
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14
🚨︎ report
The answer is what happened
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/binayakhero
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21
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A guy is walking through the woods one day when he comes across a suitcase. He takes a look inside, only to find a fox and her cubs. So he calls the ASPCA and tells the woman who answers what he’s found...

She says, β€œOh, that’s horrible. Are they moving?”

The guy replies, β€œI don’t know, but that would explain the suitcase.”

πŸ‘︎ 445
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30
🚨︎ report
A man is buying a banana, an apple, and two eggs. The female cashier says: β€œYou must be single.” The man answers: β€œWow, how did you know that?”

Cashier: β€œBecause you’re ugly.”

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bringojackprot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
🚨︎ report
Any time I ask my dad how he learned Braille, he refuses to give me a straight answer.

For him, it’s a touchy subject.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
I asked my daughter which state she likes most in the USA, but she didn't answer!

It's ok, Alaska again later.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gitrikt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
Confucius knew the answers to all of life’s questions.

The same cannot be said of his twin brother, Confusion.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nobida12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
A woman in the shower hears the doorbell. "It's the blind man". So she answers the door naked...

"Nice bewbs! Now where do you want me to hang the blind?"

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toadfinger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
The DJs at prom don't techno for an answer
πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imperfectshane
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
Still can’t find the answer
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sudoku12
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
Answer the question woman!
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacob_Young6138
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
I asked my friends what is Potassium and was expecting an answer

But she clearly didn’t understand the question because she only said β€œK.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roofy45
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
Violins is never the answer
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/samyaksoni
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Somebody asked me to describe my life as an amputee, but I couldn't answer.

I was stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
More than math and physics can answer
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlurEyes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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My girlfriend left me because I didn't answer her when she asked me for an eleven letter synonym of "complex".

It's complicated

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
Ok babe, I have a question. I'm pretty sure the answer is no...

...but what is the opposite of yes?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/artvandelay440
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend what he was doing with all the cement he bought. He didn't give me a concrete answer.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sK197666
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
My dad’s answer to everything is alcohol.

He doesn’t drink, he’s just terrible at crosswords.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
I think the President has all the answers on COVID-19...
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kellermaverick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
What is the best gift you can give someone? Answer: a broken drum...

You can't beat it...

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GoliathGr33nman
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
I want to start a trivia game show for rednecks where wrong answers cost them their hair.

I'll call it "Mullet Over"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
I wanted to know how to build big muscular shoulders. I tried asking a guy with big traps at the gym, but I still have no answer...

...every time I ask him, he just shrugs.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mihaaal2481
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
A cowboy comes to his boss his ranch and says 'thats all 50 cows boss'. The boss answers 'how did you get 50? I only got 48!'

The cowboy answers 'I know, I rounded them up.'

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Demonazzzz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
My son told me to answer my phone.

But it didn't say anything.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
Think of a number between 5 and 15. Multiply by 2, add 3, and subtract 7 from the answer. Now close your eyes.

Dark, isn’t it?

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Drugs are never the answer.

But it is a five letter clue for a crossword puzzle.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
A tough one found on the Punderland home on Balboa Island. (Answer in comments)
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/frisbeeluna
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Imagine a world without toilet paper turning to Hollywood for answers...

Shit just got reel.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
Why is 6 afraid of 7? (The answer is not what you are thinking)

Not what you are thinking.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Danger, Fear, and Panic came knocking at my door. It'd been ten years since the last visit, and all holding clipboards, were ready to begin the inquisition. Nervously, I opened the door and prepared myself to answer their calling.

"Sense us."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
motivating an answer
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombieG4mer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
My son turned 21 today and as we were about to share our first drink together, I wisely advised him, "Remember, vodka may not be the answer..."

"...but it’s worth a shot."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Which Witcher character knows the answers to all quiz questions?

Geralt of Trivia

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/martyalbi22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions?

I do

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My son who lives overseas never answers my calls.

I think he can’t hear me.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Salatul-Maghrib
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
How do you answer the phone when your dad keeps repeatedly calling you?

OK, Boomerang

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
Why Couldn't the Rope Answer the Phone?

Because it was all tied up!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Konkest_Dong
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
Don’t you hate it when people answer their own questions? I do.
πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Peanut_Butt3r675
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
i can't give you a straight answer
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/verything-time
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Can't answer the question

My wife: I'm not in any kind of state to be answering questions like that! Me: What questions DO they answer in Florida?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the101wanderer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
From r/memes. Get it? Not a Straight answer
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fpoon_Gang
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a frightening math joke where the answer comes out to 4.

But I'm 2^2 to even say it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
The answer to an addition problem is the...
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xdParagon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What's worse than a person with all the answers?
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OuterNetUterus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Your mom had to get a tuberculosis test for work. I guess we'll finally have an answer to the age-old question . . .

TB, or not TB?

πŸ‘︎ 427
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
She'll be Russian to answer after this
πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BanAllPineapples
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
When asked how he's doing, my tailor has the same answer...

"Sew sew."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
3 answers. One word.
πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Noebus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My son asked me if he should take Algebra, and I said it was a difficult question to answer...

there are just too many variables involved.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/voip_geek
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
The wise men come to the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus in the night, rapping on the door of their Bethlehem cottage suddenly. Mary yelps, answers the door, and says, relieved:

"You scared the bajeezus out of me!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gaiusnutcassius
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Alcohol is not the answer!!

It helps forget the question though

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/me-no-smart
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm positive about the answer
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePowderhorn
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What is Nebraska's answer to K Pop?

Corn Pop 🍿

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VapidPastiche
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I need answer

A person after each call changes his phone, why ?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kayakiepie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
People ask me why I’m so nervous around trees, and I always have the same answer

β€œThey just seem really shady.”

πŸ‘︎ 97
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sauce_b0y
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me my favorite time of day. My answer: 6:30 hands down.

Explanation: think hands on a clock.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joeschmo945
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Whenever I ask a person what LGBT means, I can never a straight answer
πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
42 is the answer because it is very fortuitous.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Oafah
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Any time you ask a Spaniard a question you can be sure to get a straight yes or no answer.

Nobody expects the Spanish indecision.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naiphe
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Well. I guess that's a good answer!
πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ScoobertNoJewbert
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call atoms without a sense of humor? Answer seriously.

This is no laughing matter.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/th3_brendawg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
A man asked another man, β€œWhat’s the term for when you ask a question without expecting an answer?”

The other man didn’t answer because it was rhetorical.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mcnicken1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't need google to find the answers to my questions.

My wife knows everything.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I wouldn't say this is the greatest but it's up there. AskReddit post top answer, link in comments.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HakunaSomeWhiskey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Drugs are never the answer.

Unless the clue is: β€œNarcotics, five letters.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Whenever I ask my dad what's for dinner he answers "food," when I ask what kind of food he says "Edible food."
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Axtrek_18
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2016
🚨︎ report
Why do proctologists never give you a straight answer?

They prefer innuendo.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OxfordBombers
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend and I heard a top of the door last night so she went to answer the door and I said... imgur.com/iUafBx0
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ajmansell
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What Palpatine answers to what beverage he wants when his son asks what he wants to drink...
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Loogoos
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Suicide is not the answer.

Unless someone asked β€œhey what is it called when you kill yourself”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sethpaing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a solid answer to a solid question?

A collision.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
When I ask what LGBT means,I never get a straight answer.
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/noneoftheless
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
The Jungle Book is a movie that answers the age old question:

Does a bear scat in the woods?

(Zee-ba-da-zap-dooey)

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Laringar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Two muffins were sitting in an oven, and the first looks over to the second, and says, β€œman, it’s really hot in here”. The second looks over at the first with a surprised look, and answers,

β€œWHOA, a talking muffin!"

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a math student who has a wrong solution but right answer in an exam?

Mathemagician

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paoerfuuul
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Chicago's Field Museum has launched a hotline where your child can text-message with a "dinosaur" that answers their questions.

Great, now parents have to worry about their kids getting ghosted by a velociraptor? "Hey Timmy, it's Ronny the Raptor. U up? Don't you hate it when you send an eggplant emoji to a Triceratops and they be like: who dis?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GeoffPlitt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My son asked if we could go to the fair this weekend. I said β€œthe short answer is yes”...

but the shorter answer is β€œno”.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Apple's answer to Google Glass: iPatch...

... Pirates favour the iEye though.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nimja_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Answer this question "What are you eating under there?"

YOU EAT UNDERWEAR!?!?!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jedi_Lucky
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad’s answer to everything is alcohol.

He’s not a drunk, just shitty at crosswords.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I made a post earlier asking when a dad joke becomes a dad joke. The answer was β€œWhen it has a child.”

Link to post

But really, the truth is that it’s all in the delivery.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the candle give such a fantastic answer?

It was ENLIGHTENED

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/povdov
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Whenever someone asks me how im doing i answer β€œI’m oxygen potassium”
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/illegalmin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My son turned 21 today and as we were about to share our first drink together, I wisely advised him, "Remember, vodka may not be the answer..."

"...but it’s worth a shot."

πŸ‘︎ 398
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Dont you hate it when people answer their own questions?

I do.

πŸ‘︎ 112
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andrewc111
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't you hate it when people answer their own questions?

I do

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you hate people that answer their own questions?

I do

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PdawgUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't you hate it when people answer their own questions?

I do.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bearsongz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report

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