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︎ Apr 16 2021
What's a vegan bodybuilder's response to protein powder?
π︎ 12
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︎ Apr 28 2021
Coworker's response to us wearing similar outfits at office job
"Hey! Who we playing tonight?"
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︎ Mar 29 2021
The main purpose of the call-response hooting that many owls engage in is to find and attract a potential mate.
π︎ 3
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︎ Mar 29 2021
Whatβs the difference between the police response to Black Lives Matter protests and their response to the Capitol Hill riots?
Well, itβs black and white.
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︎ Jan 07 2021
I think my dad's getting sick of the Bernie memes. He also did not appreciate my response.
π︎ 28
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︎ Jan 28 2021
Well calculated response
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︎ May 16 2020
Torque appropriated circumstances call for -in kind- repeat applied force when concerned with most of yer dried and salted pork products and jovial responses.
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︎ Oct 19 2020
Told my dad I was cold, his response was to tell me to stand in the corner
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︎ Dec 04 2020
Told my dad I took care of getting the propane tanks at the house filled. His response?
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 23 2020
The WHO have a German Doctor now heading up their COVID response..
.. He's Dr Hans Sanitizer.
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︎ Sep 11 2020
So I walked into my daughter's room with a tape measure the other day, and she was lying on her bed reading a book. I stood in the doorway and started slowly extending the tape measure, all the way across the room, until it touched her cheek. "What??" she asked me. My response...
"I'm measuring your patience!"
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Aug 24 2019
With great reflexes comes great response ability.
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Nov 08 2019
In response to the American coin shortage, Canada has committed to providing the U.S. aid
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︎ Jul 30 2020
Whenever someone asks me if I prefer maples, elms, or oaks, my response is always the same:
"It's not a poplar tree contest."
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jul 19 2020
My girlfriend asked me if I could help bleach her hair. To my response:
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 20 2020
Elephant response
My four year old granddaughter just came home from the zoo and asked why elephants have trunks. I did not miss a beat and replied they have too much stuff for a suitcase.
π︎ 10
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︎ Aug 08 2020
My response when asked why I go around healing blind people:
Youβll see. Youβll all see.
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︎ Aug 07 2020
The response time was very slow
π︎ 9
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︎ May 01 2020
Response to any time your child asks you when something happened.
Well son, you were in Baghdad back then.
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︎ Jul 03 2020
π︎ 246
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︎ Aug 24 2019
My response to my wifeβs update to friends and family regarding my surgery
π︎ 8
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︎ Feb 02 2020
In response to all the negativity on Reddit, Here is a positive post.
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︎ Aug 18 2019
The purrfect response
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︎ Dec 18 2019
Friend suggested I post to this subreddit, my response...
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︎ Oct 20 2019
What did the yoga instructor say in response to the eviction notice?
π︎ 8
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︎ Mar 31 2020
I'm a trucker. My dispatcher texted me to ask if I'd picked up a load of frozen toast. This was my response...
20,000lb of frozen bread so clearly I'm loafing along and a gluten for punishment.
Bad puns are the yeast of my problems. This load takes me to the upper crust, but if I don't get it in on time I'm toast!
Sorry about my rye sense of humor...
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︎ Jun 25 2019
A man suspected his wife was hard of hearing so he decided to do an experiment. The man snuck up behind his wife and said, βHoney, can you hear me?β No response. He went a little closer and said a little louder, βHoney, can you hear me?β Still no response. So he went right beside her ear, yelling,
βHoney, can you hear me!?β She turned around and shouted, βFor the third time, yes I can hear you!β
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︎ Sep 13 2019
π︎ 14
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︎ Oct 17 2019
President Trump just picked a fish to lead the coronavirus response team
Heβs the Sturgeon General
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︎ Mar 21 2020
My friend wasn't too impressed with my response....
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︎ Jun 06 2019
In response to u/-umop-apisdn 's earlier post titled "Suislide" I present Sue-a-Slide
π︎ 8
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︎ Sep 01 2019
Being a goat who jokes a lot I often get different responses.
But I prefer, "Take my upvote and leaf".
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 10 2020
My dad's response when I told him Eddie Money passed away (x-post)
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 13 2019
My husband wrote a very heartwarming birthday message for me on Facebook. This was my response
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︎ May 17 2018
I stubbed my toe and yelled MOTHERFUCKER! in response
My dad poked his head in and said: Β¨You rang?Β¨
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︎ Nov 11 2019
What triggers a Spanish man's Fight or Flight response?
π︎ 40
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︎ Mar 15 2019
BREAKING NEWS: To get a better response in Asia, Billie Dee Williams is being replaced with an virtually unknown actor.
People are already calling the character Rando Calrissian.
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︎ Dec 14 2019
My Dad's Response to Giuliani's Butt Dial
I texted my Dad a link to the initial headline. His response is in the link below.
http://imgur.com/gallery/cAM4mhO
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π
︎ Oct 26 2019
Purrfect response
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︎ Feb 02 2019
[ACTUAL QUOTE] A$AP Rocky was released from Swedish prison today. Donald Trump's tweet in response to his release:
"A$AP Rocky released from prison and on his way home to the United States from Sweden. It was a Rocky Week, get home ASAP A$AP!"
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 02 2019
The most dad response of all time
Neighbor: βwe have a problem. There is water from your property coming on to my property.β
My dad: βwell, you're downhill. your problem isnβt me, itβs gravity.β
...I am shook
edit: missed words
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︎ Sep 08 2019
I returned from vacation sporting a full face beard. My students all tell me I look like Thor. I admit I was expecting a more Loki response.
I guess you could say I never Thor it coming.
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︎ Apr 03 2019
With great reflexes comes great response ability
π︎ 216
π
︎ Jul 07 2019
With great reflexes, comes great response ability.
π︎ 17
π
︎ May 01 2019
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