I like to torture my friend's with excellent puns. These are the responses I *live* for. reddit.com/gallery/ms1o2z
πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erasmusings
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
What's a vegan bodybuilder's response to protein powder?

No whey

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kremzon13
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Coworker's response to us wearing similar outfits at office job

"Hey! Who we playing tonight?"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AverageNeither682
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
The main purpose of the call-response hooting that many owls engage in is to find and attract a potential mate.

To wit: to woo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between the police response to Black Lives Matter protests and their response to the Capitol Hill riots?

Well, it’s black and white.

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisDiff
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I think my dad's getting sick of the Bernie memes. He also did not appreciate my response.
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jd246246
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Well calculated response
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Torque appropriated circumstances call for -in kind- repeat applied force when concerned with most of yer dried and salted pork products and jovial responses.
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brutalproduct
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Told my dad I was cold, his response was to tell me to stand in the corner

It’s 90 degrees there

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Told my dad I took care of getting the propane tanks at the house filled. His response?

"Tanks a lot!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Missburr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The WHO have a German Doctor now heading up their COVID response..

.. He's Dr Hans Sanitizer.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
So I walked into my daughter's room with a tape measure the other day, and she was lying on her bed reading a book. I stood in the doorway and started slowly extending the tape measure, all the way across the room, until it touched her cheek. "What??" she asked me. My response...

"I'm measuring your patience!"

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Piccolo_Bass
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
With great reflexes comes great response ability.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Vile1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
In response to the American coin shortage, Canada has committed to providing the U.S. aid

They give us Nickelback

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SquireX
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Whenever someone asks me if I prefer maples, elms, or oaks, my response is always the same:

"It's not a poplar tree contest."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend asked me if I could help bleach her hair. To my response:

I'd rather dye.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/delo357
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Elephant response

My four year old granddaughter just came home from the zoo and asked why elephants have trunks. I did not miss a beat and replied they have too much stuff for a suitcase.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/macmanfan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My response when asked why I go around healing blind people:

You’ll see. You’ll all see.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The response time was very slow
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoenixofRevenge
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Response to any time your child asks you when something happened.

Well son, you were in Baghdad back then.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brock_Walker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm proud of this one. My response to my mom's Facebook post. imgur.com/epX4rcj
πŸ‘︎ 246
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetalJunkie101
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My response to my wife’s update to friends and family regarding my surgery
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skhenson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
In response to all the negativity on Reddit, Here is a positive post.
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erisian_Neko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
The purrfect response
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Best-cabbage
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Friend suggested I post to this subreddit, my response...
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/calvinwashere2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the yoga instructor say in response to the eviction notice?

NamastΓ©

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm a trucker. My dispatcher texted me to ask if I'd picked up a load of frozen toast. This was my response...

20,000lb of frozen bread so clearly I'm loafing along and a gluten for punishment.

Bad puns are the yeast of my problems. This load takes me to the upper crust, but if I don't get it in on time I'm toast!

Sorry about my rye sense of humor...

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimMarch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A man suspected his wife was hard of hearing so he decided to do an experiment. The man snuck up behind his wife and said, β€œHoney, can you hear me?” No response. He went a little closer and said a little louder, β€œHoney, can you hear me?” Still no response. So he went right beside her ear, yelling,

β€œHoney, can you hear me!?” She turned around and shouted, β€œFor the third time, yes I can hear you!”

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gho5ly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IcerKaker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
President Trump just picked a fish to lead the coronavirus response team

He’s the Sturgeon General

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonSolo1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend wasn't too impressed with my response....
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/savman09
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
In response to u/-umop-apisdn 's earlier post titled "Suislide" I present Sue-a-Slide
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBarramundi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Being a goat who jokes a lot I often get different responses.

But I prefer, "Take my upvote and leaf".

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad's response when I told him Eddie Money passed away (x-post)
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nervy_Niffler
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My husband wrote a very heartwarming birthday message for me on Facebook. This was my response
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xomati
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I stubbed my toe and yelled MOTHERFUCKER! in response

My dad poked his head in and said: Β¨You rang?Β¨

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What triggers a Spanish man's Fight or Flight response?

His-Panic.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NIRU1497
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS: To get a better response in Asia, Billie Dee Williams is being replaced with an virtually unknown actor.

People are already calling the character Rando Calrissian.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My Dad's Response to Giuliani's Butt Dial

I texted my Dad a link to the initial headline. His response is in the link below.

http://imgur.com/gallery/cAM4mhO

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LiquidSnake13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Purrfect response
πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baker_Baker_1_9
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report
[ACTUAL QUOTE] A$AP Rocky was released from Swedish prison today. Donald Trump's tweet in response to his release:

"A$AP Rocky released from prison and on his way home to the United States from Sweden. It was a Rocky Week, get home ASAP A$AP!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gentlesir123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
The most dad response of all time

Neighbor: β€œwe have a problem. There is water from your property coming on to my property.”

My dad: β€œwell, you're downhill. your problem isn’t me, it’s gravity.”

...I am shook

edit: missed words

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jlg5314
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I returned from vacation sporting a full face beard. My students all tell me I look like Thor. I admit I was expecting a more Loki response.

I guess you could say I never Thor it coming.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondLlama
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
With great reflexes comes great response ability
πŸ‘︎ 216
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
With great reflexes, comes great response ability.
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report

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