Coworker's response to us wearing similar outfits at office job
"Hey! Who we playing tonight?"
The main purpose of the call-response hooting that many owls engage in is to find and attract a potential mate.
What’s the difference between the police response to Black Lives Matter protests and their response to the Capitol Hill riots?
Well, it’s black and white.
Told my dad I was cold, his response was to tell me to stand in the corner
In response to the American coin shortage, Canada has committed to providing the U.S. aid
My girlfriend asked me if I could help bleach her hair. To my response:
Response to any time your child asks you when something happened.
Well son, you were in Baghdad back then.
My response to my wife’s update to friends and family regarding my surgery
In response to all the negativity on Reddit, Here is a positive post.
What did the yoga instructor say in response to the eviction notice?
Friend suggested I post to this subreddit, my response...
I'm a trucker. My dispatcher texted me to ask if I'd picked up a load of frozen toast. This was my response...
20,000lb of frozen bread so clearly I'm loafing along and a gluten for punishment.
Bad puns are the yeast of my problems. This load takes me to the upper crust, but if I don't get it in on time I'm toast!
Sorry about my rye sense of humor...
A man suspected his wife was hard of hearing so he decided to do an experiment. The man snuck up behind his wife and said, “Honey, can you hear me?” No response. He went a little closer and said a little louder, “Honey, can you hear me?” Still no response. So he went right beside her ear, yelling,
“Honey, can you hear me!?” She turned around and shouted, “For the third time, yes I can hear you!”
President Trump just picked a fish to lead the coronavirus response team
He’s the Sturgeon General
In response to u/-umop-apisdn 's earlier post titled "Suislide" I present Sue-a-Slide
BREAKING NEWS: To get a better response in Asia, Billie Dee Williams is being replaced with an virtually unknown actor.
People are already calling the character Rando Calrissian.
My Dad's Response to Giuliani's Butt Dial
I texted my Dad a link to the initial headline. His response is in the link below.
http://imgur.com/gallery/cAM4mhO
[ACTUAL QUOTE] A$AP Rocky was released from Swedish prison today. Donald Trump's tweet in response to his release:
"A$AP Rocky released from prison and on his way home to the United States from Sweden. It was a Rocky Week, get home ASAP A$AP!"
A man who recently had vertebral surgery was asked to watch a horror movie. His response:
No thanks, I don’t have the spine for it.
We recently hired a magician at the cemetery based on his response to how he could help combat the rising costs of burial arrangements.
I got banned from asking Reddit and was told to post a drawing of a milkshake working out, this was my response.
imgur.com/gallery/HjKV9
I found out that I was pregnant because when I went to the OB, the doctor told me to put me feet in the stirrups. My husband blurted “That is the strangest horse I’ve ever seen!” The doctor smiled and congratulated my husband for making his first dad joke. His response “I feel a little Dad inside.”
What's the proper response to one of your friends offering you a pamphlet?
I told /u/porichoygupto's Dad joke to my wife and kids via text, my wife's response was perfect. (Link to album in the text box.)
I'm getting some good mileage out of this joke. Thanks /u/porichoygupto !!!
First. Second.
My dad's perfect response to my sisters complaint
My older sister recently had a new roommate move in and found that roommate to be a bit careless with shared items. She had recently just bought new ceramic knives and came home to find one of the tips broken off. Lamenting to my dad when she came home to visit she exclaimed "$80 knife I just bought is already broken", slamming the broken knife down on the counter.
My dad without missing a beat, looks up from his book, straight faced and says "Well, this is why you can't have knife things."
Metallica pun that took until the third person to get the response I wanted.
My voicemail prompts the caller to leave his or her name and number. My dad’s response on his most recent message:
My name is, Dad and my number is one. Always number one!
Today I got a $10k fine in response to giving a new song I heard a 3.14 stars
It stated that I was accused of "pi-rating"
In response to informing my dad that there's going to be a sequel to Frozen.
"Will it be called Defrosted?"
My boyfriend's response to the "TheRockxSiri" commercial.
Boyfriend: So how many kids does The Rock have?
Me: Two.
B: Both daughters, or is one a son?
M: Both daughters.
B: He should have another kid so that he can have a boy and take a family photo, where it's the boy, his two daughters, and then him standing on the end. 'Cause you know what he'd be then?
M: What?
B: Third Rock from the son.
He's sleeping outside tonight.
Dads response to my zoo experience
My Dad's response to the cigarette joke
Told my dad about the cigarette joke posted on here yesterday. Here's the link. His response was "If you took two cigarettes out and put them side by side they'd be a match!"
My dad has a whole list of responses to the same question
Any retail/coffee clerk: how are you today sir?
Dad: Like a fart in a space suit,
Like a fire hydrant at a dog parade,
Can I get back to you on that?,
Like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest
There is more I just can't remember them all.
So embarrassing.
Asked my dad to put this drink where my mom was sitting. His response:
So my dad made a visual joke about my request. First time posting in this sub so I hope it's appropriate.
http://imgur.com/7Ls8pt3
In response to winter storm warnings across western new york
I'm going on record to predict approximately 3.14 inches of snow tomorrow
If law enforcement officers were called to the apartment of a female bassist in response to a noise complaint, there would be sheriffs because she riffs.
God forbid I say the word 'what' in response to something my dad says...
Since the dawn of time (about 21 years ago) my dad has made it his life goal that when I respond to something he says with "what?" he tells me "'What's' a lightbulb. There's a lot of 'whats's' in it." This still happens. I have no idea when he thought this was funny, or why he hasn't realized it doesn't really make sense.
I like to think I'm very fast at coming up with a dad joke in response to a comment or situation...
Friend's dad in response to car troubles
Friend's mom was talking about the high cost of her BMW's repair. "It was $1,500! For the freon!"
Friend's dad "Well nothing's fre-on a BMW!"
The two of us doubled over laughing; no one else caught it.
Dad's standard response to (anyone) noticing his haircut...
Unsuspecting straight-person stating the obvious: "You've had a haircut!"
Dad: "No, actually, I had several of them cut.
...y'know, it works out cheaper to have them all done at the same time!"
My dad's response to the dog poop cleaner's bad job.
We have a huge yard and 3 dogs and it takes a long time and a lot of hard work to clean up all the dog poop. We hire a company that sends people over to do it. Today, they didn't do a very good job and most of the poop was still there.
Me: That's some bullshit.
Dad: No, that's dog shit.
My dad's response to this was "must be a lot of 'hey ray.'"
My dad just told me he had a new response to the question "Are you all right?"
My engaged friends response to the spider in the esky
Me: there is a large spider in the esky (as I jump back and slam the lid)
Should I kill it?
Him: no he is just chilling out
My dad's response to my sister's question...
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