Sinds then I have started to take countermeasures to avoid that
Edit: ignore the "last" I messed it up...
The clerk replies “It’s a freebie”
Tonight I'm putting the mouse in the bathroom.
Let's say I raised the bar and set the steaks.
"Don't mind if I Zoo."
She just gave me a glare and went back to what she was doing.
Totally worth it.
"I'm looking for an inexpensive pet and I heard your birds are going cheep"
Wait, wrong sub.
He later apologized for his mis-steak.
It was counter-productive
(My cat didn’t laugh at it either)
I just hope he doesn’t take it for granite
As it landed upon my foot, I exclaimed
I took a Tomato Tomato!!
That would mean a banana tree is a nuclear plant.
Butcher tells him if he can jump up and touch it, he gets half off his purchase. If not, he pays double. The man looks up at the beef and says,
“Nah. The steaks are too high.”
Disgusted, Dad replied, "Don't be silly, I'm putting it in the living room!"
I took it for granite.
I was just trying to spruce up the mood
The man frowns. “What do you mean it’s a secret? What’s the special today? Is it a latte?”
The barista shakes her head.
She shakes her head again.
“Oh, come on! Tell me! A cappuccino?”
She shakes her head.
She shakes her head.
The man is getting frustrated at this point. “Can you at least give me a clue!?”
The barista thinks for a moment, then points at a jar on the counter. “Ok, the special is in this jar.”
“What is it?”
“I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.”
The man, enraged at this point, tries to grab the jar.
The barista grabs it too.
They fight for control and the man wretches it away only for the jar to fall on the ground and its contents spill out onto the floor.
The man stares, “It’s just been normal coffee this whole time?!”
The barista shrugs, “I guess you spilled the beans.”
One man pulled an old guitar off the wall that hadn’t been tuned in years and gave it to the octopus.
The octopus took the guitar, tuned it right up and began play.
There was no doubt that the octopus was an excellent guitar player.
The man paid his handler $50 and sat down.
Another man brought a saxophone to the octopus.
The octopus took it and stared for a bit.
After a minute or two the octopus began playing a deep and soulful jazz solo.
This man paid his $50 and sat down.
The bartender went into the back and brought out a set of bag pipes.
The bartender said, “I’ll bet $100 that the octopus can’t play these bagpipes.”
The man agreed and handed them to the octopus.
The octopus sat there eyeing the bagpipes up and down for quite awhile.
The handler began to get nervous so he said to the octopus, “Hurry up and start playing the thing”
The octopus spewed, “Play it?! I wanna marry her!"
The elderly woman clerk quickly realized it was fake and became enraged!! She started screaming, grabbed his hair and slammed his head on the counter until he was out cold.
She was SO upset she had a counter fit.
I wanted to see what came first, the chicken or the egg.
The bartender eventually asks if the horse wants a drink.
The horse says "Neigh"
I could really see myself buying it
and the lady says, "You have any bags to check?"
The photon says, "No. I'm traveling light."
There is life on Mars.
“It’s just a roll of tape, sir,” said the cashier at Staples.
She's 3. "Dad...that's...a pea. Not...pee."
"That's what I said. Pea!'
I went to double check his work and he was wrong on so many levels
Because it always feels good to be kneaded.
the woman states "sir this is a library"
the blind man replies "oh sorry, ^(can i have a pepperoni pizza please) "
"Which one?" she asked.
I replied, "William."
My family took it for granite.
I replied, "No I'll drink it. It's still water."
It’s called, Take It For Granite