Nailed my brother with an excellent wood working pun on Sunday night.
He was over for dinner, asking me about making a simple wooden box. Once he's finished describing what he wants to do and how he thinks he'll do it I reply with "Yeah, that wood work".
An American is working out
“This workout is intense!” He huffs to his friend. “My heart is pounding!”
“Huh?” Says the friend.
“Oh, sorry, I forgot you’re European. My heart is ‘kilogramming’.” He replies.
It must be tough working in the shipping and receiving department of a zoo.
No one ever addresses the elephant in the room.
What similar to working at McDonald’s and being a archeologist in Athens
You will smell like ancient Greece
i'm working on puns and wordplays for my inktober. This is handburger
How does a T-Rex feel after working out?
Kindasoar.
Boyfriend told me this after we discussed our workout today 🥲
This happened with me today morning. My phone's headphone jack isn't working so I asked my dad what to do about it.
He said, "Let's get a headphone Jill, then!"
Why did the valet hate working in an alternate universe?
Because it was all parallel parking!
Apple just announced their new electric vehicle, the iCar, coming in 2024. Rumor is they’re working on a self driving boat as well.
They’re going to call it the iAye
I spent so much time working on this
i am deaf on both ears after working at the metal factory
I guess heavy metal is not good for my ears
I was working in our store when my son called me over and said, “Two guys came in and tried to give me some fake fifty dollar bills.” I asked. “What did they look like?” He replied...
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
Son: Dad, can you see if my turn signals are working?
Dad: YES... no...YES...no...YES...no...
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called '1001 cures for itches."
I guess, I've got to start again from scratch.
McDonalds is working with Apple to create a huge gaming computer
They're calling it the Big Mac
Our cooking teacher gave us a notice about the part of our upcoming exam where we'd be working with cheese wheels...
"It'll be grated on a curve."
I was working behind the bar today when two guys came in and tried to pay with a couple of counterfeit £10 notes. When I told the manager, he asked what they looked like..
“Like £10 notes” I told him
I don’t understand why my calculator just stopped working.
Working from home isn’t always great,
But I guess it is better than being in Office 365
I've been working on not mansplaining and instead saying something positive. How has been going?
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...
I work with beet boxes and I wrap!
The guy working in the factory was told he was not strong enough to do the job
He decided to quit by handing in his too weak notice
Ive checked and checked and i just cant work out why my calculator has stopped working!!!
Working on a cannabis based beef marinade.
The steaks have never been higher...
I went parachuting with a friend, and my parachute wasn't working
He laughed, and I said I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation!
I’m 28 and working on the jokes as prep
Friend: I know it’s your birthday soon but I can’t remember the day sorry.
Me: the 3rd
Friend: that’s the one!
Me: No it’s the three
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
My girlfriend left a note on my fridge this morning saying "this isn't working, bye"
I opened it up and it was working fine, so I'll just wait till she's home to ask her what she meant.
My robot dog wasn’t working properly but the vet said he couldn’t do anything.
I don’t understand. Don’t people take their pets to the vet to get fixed all the time?
I’ve been working on my thesis that Swiss cheese is the greatest of all cheese.
But my proctor keeps finding holes in it.
Every machine in the coin factory stopped working
It just doesn't make any cents!
I spent four months working out and still haven't got any abs...
I’d first like to make sure this thing is working. If your name is Michael, please stand up.
That concludes the mike check
I'm going to be working on my next dadjoke over the next few days. In the meantime, I'll keep u posted.
I have been working on the most illogical street performance act...
Son, remember if your parachute stops working mid-air, don't panic.
You'll have the rest of your life to fix it
Ever since I started working from home, I've realized that one of my coworkers is a real bitch...
But that's okay, I love working with my dog.
A piece I just finished working on, hope you all like it :)
I couldn't figure out why the U.S. Mint wasn't working...
But then it started to make cents.
What do you call an Engine that stopped working?
Eng-out
**because engine sounds like Eng-in**
This Is A Paid advertisement: Have a home project you’re working on? For a limited time, Lowes Home Improvement is now selling Levels 2 for the price of 1!
What do you call an Athenian working at Nandos?
I can’t understand why my calculator just stopped working
I can't understand why my calculator just stopped working
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...
I work with beet boxes and I wrap!
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