A list of puns related to "Useful idiot"
But then, I lost a leg, wisened up and became an incomplete idiot.
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Friend: Why?
Me: To visit the town idiot.
A few minutes later...
Me: Knock, Knock.
Friend: Whoβs there?
Me: The Chicken
You moan now but I suspect you are already planning to use this one.
Way back when I was a kid, for my school's Renaissance Faire-esque fundraiser, I went around wearing a sign that read "Vilage Idiot". When guests asked why, I'd reply, "I wasn't always the village idiot...
...And so now, here I am: village idiot, just like my father was. Ah... my father, he was the best village idiot we ever had. It's hard living in his shadow sometimes. You see, my father was a complete idiot! ...I'm just a half-wit.β
Backstory: So we're in the shed and Dad's showing me all his tools, when he suddenly stops and has a disgusted look on his face.
Dad: Does, does it smell like a hammerdo in here?
Me: Ummm whats a hammerdo?
Dad: Well son, (picks up his hammer) a hammer is used to hit nails on the head!
And of course he laughs like an idiot for the next five minutes...
Two guys were putting siding on a house. The first guy looks over at the second guy and watches him pick up one nail and hammer it in. Then the second guy picks up another nail and throws it over his shoulder. He picks up another nail and hammers it in. Then picks up another and throws it over his shoulder. The first guy walks over to him and asks, "Hey, why the heck are you throwing those nails over your shoulder?!". Second guys says, "They're facing the wrong way!". First guys says, "You idiot! We could use those on the other side of the house!!"
(To my kids) I used to see this woman at my health club who worked out in a leotard. Every day there was always some small part of her leotard missing. A sleeve cut away, a strap missing. Finally I asked her why her leotard was always missing a piece. She just looked at me like I was an idiot and said "Everybody knows you never go full leotard."
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