I used to be a complete idiot.

But then, I lost a leg, wisened up and became an incomplete idiot.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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Another why the chicken crossed the road

Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Friend: Why?

Me: To visit the town idiot.

A few minutes later...

Me: Knock, Knock.

Friend: Who’s there?

Me: The Chicken

You moan now but I suspect you are already planning to use this one.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mgmcotton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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Village Idiot Puns

Way back when I was a kid, for my school's Renaissance Faire-esque fundraiser, I went around wearing a sign that read "Vilage Idiot". When guests asked why, I'd reply, "I wasn't always the village idiot...

  • β€œI used to be a tailor... but it didn't quite suit me... It was only a so-so job.”
  • β€œI once was a lumberjack... but I couldn't hack it... so they gave me the axe.”
  • β€œI was a fisherman too... I just couldn't live off my net income.”
  • β€œI thought about being a witch for a spell.”
  • β€œI tried being a chef... but I just didn't have enough thyme for it.”
  • β€œI was a musician once... but I didn't accomplish anything noteworthy.”
  • β€œFor awhile I was a doctor... but I didn't have the patience to keep it up.”
  • β€œI once was a accountant... but I lost interest. The job was too taxing.”
  • β€œI tried moonlighting as a nun... but I confess, they didn't like my altar ego... or my bad habits.”
  • β€œMore recently, I was a baker... but I couldn't make enough dough at it... Guess I wasn't bred for the job.”
  • β€œHeck, I was even king for a day... but I didn't have any crowning achievements.”

...And so now, here I am: village idiot, just like my father was. Ah... my father, he was the best village idiot we ever had. It's hard living in his shadow sometimes. You see, my father was a complete idiot! ...I'm just a half-wit.”

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ason42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2016
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While showing me his tool collection...

Backstory: So we're in the shed and Dad's showing me all his tools, when he suddenly stops and has a disgusted look on his face.

Dad: Does, does it smell like a hammerdo in here?

Me: Ummm whats a hammerdo?

Dad: Well son, (picks up his hammer) a hammer is used to hit nails on the head!

And of course he laughs like an idiot for the next five minutes...

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Juicy-Drucy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2014
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Two guys were working on a house...

Two guys were putting siding on a house. The first guy looks over at the second guy and watches him pick up one nail and hammer it in. Then the second guy picks up another nail and throws it over his shoulder. He picks up another nail and hammers it in. Then picks up another and throws it over his shoulder. The first guy walks over to him and asks, "Hey, why the heck are you throwing those nails over your shoulder?!". Second guys says, "They're facing the wrong way!". First guys says, "You idiot! We could use those on the other side of the house!!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/20bs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2015
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At the Health Club

(To my kids) I used to see this woman at my health club who worked out in a leotard. Every day there was always some small part of her leotard missing. A sleeve cut away, a strap missing. Finally I asked her why her leotard was always missing a piece. She just looked at me like I was an idiot and said "Everybody knows you never go full leotard."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/srt19170
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2013
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