just came across this pun thread from an eternity ago, seriously,, it was worth Peru-sing
What do you get if your lovers soul was trapped in a sword for all eternity?
I was complaining about being pregnant, saying I felt like I would be pregnant for all eternity.
To which my dad replied, "You mean all maternity?"
After waiting in line for what felt like an eternity, I started to feel like a bad doctor.
I just kept losing my patience.
The Grim Reaper went to collect a soul. Upon arriving he says to the unfortunate man: "Your time has come, prepare to leave the land of the living and follow me to the gates of heaven. Now come and don't hesitate, for I am unforgiving. Or else you will wander in the shadow realm for eternity!
Hi unforgiving, I'm dad"
"Yes you are"
Jesus told Peter, "Come forth and ye shall have eternal life"
But Peter came fifth and won a toaster
And god said to John “come forth and ye shall receive eternal life.”
But John came in fifth and only got a toaster.
Never get caught behind Satan in line at the post office.
How would a socially awkward adult go about emerging from a lair of eternal loneliness?
I asked my math teacher why dad jokes last forever...
Why do vampires seem sick?
Today I learned I will assume my final form and will he becoming a dad in December.
Probably name my kid Luke so I can remind him who I am for the rest of eternity.
Bob Hope captured in the air on film. We now know for certain that Hope springs eternal.
What does a toeless veteran dad say to his son?
He has lack-toes intolerance.
I-I'll see myself out.
Just like the dad on his eternal quest for milk-
Sorry, I need to stop milking this joke.
Feel free to kick my dairy-ere out the door.
A man storms into a crowded bar with a loaded handgun...
Enraged, he raises the pistol into the air and shouts, "which one of you bastards had sex with my wife?!"
The bar falls silent. After what seems like an eternity, a man in the back replies:
"You don't have enough bullets!"
What happens to hillbilly buddhists when they die?
Dad's joke about a socially awkward friend
talking with parents after a gathering
Mum: I feel bad for John, he's so antisocial.
Dad: Yeah, he's like an eternal flame!
Me: Eternal flame? What?
Dad: He never goes out!
Mum and I burst out laughing while dad grins proudly
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
I bought some cologne
It was called Eternity but I had to return because it didn't last forever.
Jesus said unto John. Come forth and receive eternal life.
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
And god said to John, come forth and receive eternal life
But he cane fifth and won a toaster
And the Lord said unto John "come fourth and receive eternal life"
But he came fifth and won a toaster.
...and God said "come forth and I will grant you eternal life."
But I came fifth and just got a toaster.
And the Lord said unto John: Come forth and you will receive eternal life.
But John came fifth, and won a toaster.
And Jesus said "Come forth and receive eternal life."
But Peter came in fifth and won a toaster.
God said to John " come forth and receive eternal life"
But he came fifth and won a toaster
The Lord said to John: Come forth and receive eternal life.
But, John came 5th and got a toaster.
Jesus said "come forth and receive eternal life"
But Paul came fifth and got a toaster
The Lord told John to come forth and he will receive eternal life
He came fifth and got a toaster
The lord told John to come forth and he shall have eternal life.
But he came in fifth and got a toaster.
And god said to John come forth and receive eternal life
But he came fifth and won a toaster
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life".
John came fifth and won a toaster.
And the Lord said onto John " Come Forth and ye shall receive eternal life."
But sadly John came in fifth and only received a toaster.
Then God said to John "Come forth and receive eternal life"
He came fifth and won a toaster.
God said to John, "come fourth and you will receive eternal life",
John came fifth and won a toaster.
God said: come fourth John and win eternal life
John came fifth and won a toaster!
God told John come fourth and receive eternal life...
But John came fifth and got a toaster
God said to Tom "Come fourth and receive eternal life."
Instead Tom came fifth and received a toaster
Jesus said, come forth and I'll give you eternal life
Peter came fifth and he won a toaster.
And God said unto John, "Come fourth and receive eternal life."
But John came fifth and ended up with a toaster.
And the Lord said unto John; "Come forth and receive eternal life!"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
*...and the Lord said unto John, "Go forth and you shall have eternal life."*
....but John got fifth and won a toaster.
God said "Come forth, and you shall receive eternal life"
But John came fifth, and won a toaster.
And The Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life"
...but John came in fifth and won a toaster.
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