For glory of all potato
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/trinketstone
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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Every one is talking about glory holes

So i decided to look into one

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/onion-volcano
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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I just read that the Carnival cruise ship "Glory" crashed into the Carnival cruise ship "Legend"

It left a legendary glory hull

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/TimeRocker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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β€ͺCAN you raise your voice unto the malt, sing songs and Heineken of glory‬
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_improviser
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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My crowning glory

Years ago, my Aunt Ann ate a couple of hot dogs at the county fair, and afterward experienced some... digestive difficulties. I declared it The Diarrhea of Ann's Franks.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/President_Calhoun
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
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What do you get if you only put your balls in the glory hole?


πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/meekaelle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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My moment of glory this weekend

I don't have any children -- but I do have a great dad-joke sense of humor. This happened this weekend, and I'm quite proud just saying it on the spot:

Friend: Do you know who's opening for the concert tonight? Me: No, what time does it start? Friend: I don't know, but the doors open at 8. Me: Oh, I didn't know the doors were still touring.

followed by awkward silence, then a look of anger, and a look of defeat*

πŸ‘︎ 176
πŸ‘€︎ u/battlesnarf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2013
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Believe it.....

My wife and I just had our first child! (Well, she had him and I stood there all supportive like) Gibson is 10 weeks old now and ready for meme glory.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/great69m
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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Driving past an antique store with my dad and he drops this gem...

β€œWhy do aunts get all the glory? What about uncle-tiques?”


πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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Why can’t cows be affected by any strong force?

They’re immoovabull.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnnoyingAzathoth
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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Living on the Edge
πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chillvanius
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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My girlfriend was taking her time in the public restroom

You might even say she was stalling.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ‘€︎ u/jonblaze32
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2017
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Camping is pretty intense..

So I was sitting on the couch with my girlfriend, watching hockey. Mentioned that if the game was any more intense, we'd be camping.

She looked up at me confused, and said "why is camping intense?"

Not missing a beat, I responded with "where else would you sleep?"

Took her a couple of seconds to connect it, then she called me an idiot as she burst out laughing. My best one yet.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ‘€︎ u/imcanadianeh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2013
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In my family, we like to ridicule whoever gets the fewest amount of gifts at Christmas.

(This is a true story.)

Usually this is my Dad. My Mom will be opening presents all day, and Dad is done after he unwraps his three gifts.

We really give him a hard time and he loves it. He's a champ.

Well one year, we're opening gifts, and my brother's got almost nothing in his little pile. He had recently bought a house and his main gift was a garden hose.

This is exciting because we're gonna just tear into him. He is a good sport and he is ready to bask in the glory of his Christmas failure.

We finish the unwrapping and my Dad looks over to him and says "Well son, you really got hosed this year".

P.S. I am x-posting my own comment from an AskReddit thread at someone's suggestion, and definitely NOT in a shameless quest for karma.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ‘€︎ u/jbenz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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A friend of mine was really excited to tell me about a guy she had just met.

She said he was well-dressed, good-looking and charming. And he was a game ranger.

I said, "I'm sorry to hear that. But, what's a mranger?"

She rolled her eyes as I soaked in the glory. I hope I'll make a good dad.

Edit: changed "also" to "but" for clarity.

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zoolander92
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2016
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[Request] Pun for the name "Gloria"?

I'm usually good with name puns , but I can't think of a funny way to incorporate it. Some words to help - Glory, Glorious, Galore, Glow, , euphoria...

Edit/update: I used Glorias as in glorious. "I hope you had a Glorias day"

She said, "lmao, your silly".

I think that's a win....?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/EDM117
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2017
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I was practically in a coma last night after eating a boatload of doughnuts for Father’s Day.

I went out with a glaze of glory.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
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After beating my roommate at Mortal Kombat...

I don't have any kids, but I think this was pretty dad-like:

We usually scream at max volume when we play, but our other roommate was sleeping so we had to stay pretty quiet.

It was my Kung Lao and Kano vs his Smoke and Sonya.

I swept him clean, 3-0, and he gave the excuse, "It was because I couldn't get loud."

I told him, "Oh, but you did get loud... KUNG LAO'D!"

He groaned, I basked in the glory.

πŸ‘︎ 216
πŸ‘€︎ u/staggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2015
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Got my wife as she explained something to our toddler.

My wife couldn't open a jar of grape jelly. Our two year old didn't understand why she had to bring it to me. He was only concerned with how long it was taking to make his sandwich. I opened it, but it was pretty hard because the jelly had caked around the threads and dried in place, gluing the lid to the jar.

My wife saw our son getting impatient and told him, "Hold on kiddo, mommy couldn't open the jar, so she had to bring it to daddy. Even daddy had a hard time opening it."

At this point, my internal dad joke radar started screaming a proximity warning. The collision with a dad joke was imminent. I smiled, took half a second to bask in my dad glory, and added, "Yeah, it was jammed."

Wife groaned, but son laughed (because he saw the lid was finally open). I take whatever I can get.

πŸ‘︎ 247
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtaxNOOOOOO
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2014
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What do you call it when you hold mass in a hotel?

Glory to God in the Hyatt

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2016
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Japanese Olympic Track and field team [long]

the Japanese Olympic Track and field team, in typical Asian make-every-thing-harder-to-do-than-it-has-to-be fashion have announced that hey are sticking by their regimen of only using malformed, decade-and-a-half old, equipment rigged to pop out of the course unexpectedly in order to secure their hopes of Olympic glory. While this may seem counter intuitive, Kadauo Osakamizu, a analyst for the team claims there is actually a historic cultural precedent for the odd exercises. In a quote, Mr. Osakamizu insists that the idea is that "if the team can excel with such sub-par materials, executing wins when the equipment is good should be of little concern."

So it seems that at least for the foreseeable future, Japan will be pinning their hopes on Teenage, Mutant, Ninja Hurdles.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheStaffmaster
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2016
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My Dad to the waiter

"Hey do you have crab legs?"

"Yes" :D

"Well, just keep your pants on and nobody will notice."

This was said when I was a kid and he never fails to retell how he once said this joke to a waiter. Glory days.

πŸ‘︎ 101
πŸ‘€︎ u/InnerTaunTaun
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
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So I walked into the Parks department of Rivendell...

and there he was in all his glory: Elrond Swanson

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/scardeal
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2017
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A collection of some of the best dadjokes.

I know this isn't normally what we do on here, but these are just too good not to share.


πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/yeahbro86
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2014
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Getting down the Christmas Decorations..

So my Pops asks if I could help him get the Christmas "stuff" down from the loft with him. We have a loft above the garage where we store seasonal decorations.

He'll go up in the loft and I'll stand on the middle of the ladder, where he hands me the plastic containers, which I'll place on the floor.

As soon as he gets up there I see that the most accessible and logical box to take down first is the one with the wrapping paper. I reach for it and he shoos me away coming up with an excuse to leave it up there for the time being.

Right then and there I knew exactly what he was doing and I couldn't stop it.

We get the absurd amount of containers down until there's only the one left. He hands it too me and says, "Whelp.. that about wraps it up. Haha."

It's not even that good and I knew it was coming for the whole half-hour, but never the less I rolled my eyes and gave him his moment of glory. He deserves it.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ‘€︎ u/wh33zi3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
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This one happened last night while i was visiting for dinner, I knew it had to go here.

I just subscribed to dadjokes and I absolutely love it. Probably because i have the same sense of humor. Anyway here is what happened last night as I was home visiting for dinner.

My mom has spent all day preparing a glorious meal of shredded barbeque chicken, spanish rice, and corn bread (the kind of home cooked meal you just don't get in college). One of my moms absolute favorite things is cornbread and honey. so while we were sitting at the table waiting for her to get her plate she set my dad up for his moment of glory. "Is my honey on the table already?" I saw the look in his eyes he knew he had her! "No sweety I'm in my chair. I haven't had enough to drink to get on the table yet!" I laughed high fived my dad while my mom and my sister rolled their eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ‘€︎ u/ferntuckydylan333
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2013
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expensive candles

So my wife and I were in Walmart and she was looking in the candle section. She saw an apple pie candle she was interested in until she saw the price.

"$7 is kind of expensive for a candle don't you think?" She says to me.

Smirking, I see my time for glory; "Why, you don't feel like we have money to burn?"

She called me an ass, but I was already lost in dad joke nirvana.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/Psychoho1ic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2014
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