“thank you for your cervix.”
[removed]
After years of research he started selling bouquets of laminate, hardwood and tile. He became the first floorist.
Did you know the temperature of a Bacta tank is lukewarm?
Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.
Judge: it's assault
I know it's a salt, is it a crime though?
After my dads 61st birthday card, he said one would of been fine.
Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:
“Well, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”
pauses for effect
“...I guess I let it go to my head.”
Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).
Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another ‘incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...
Broommates
It's a running joke.
Happy Father's Day to all Dads that make us laugh with their ridiculous jokes!
Me: Daddy I’m thirsty!
My dad: Hi thirsty I’m Fridy lets go Saturdy and get a Sundy.
I’m sure it’s not original but it makes me laugh to think of how I was making my dad insane asking for a DRIIINNNKKK and he would always come back with this.
... I think you'd get a real kick out of it.
If you don't like that, get an adding machine, because that's what counts.
who passed away this month in 2004, I'd like to repeat something he's said to me often throughout his years.
Dad: "Hey Son"
Me: "Yeah Dad?"
Dad: "See that place over there?" points to cemetery
Me: "Yeah? What about it?"
Dad: "People are just dying to get in there."
She could be Amanda Mandalorian DeLorean
Not yelling and screaming like all the other people in the car he was driving at the time.
I got him a new watch so he could be on time instead.
The Aluminumati.
"It's surely not my fault that you haven't been promoted."
Called Neverland Ranch.
Judge: Say no more, may divorce be with you!
Would it be weighted?
Friend: sigh. I can’t believe they charge me $25 to automatically file my state return. Anyway, love you dad hope you’re having an OK day :) Dad: thanks. Love you W-2.
I plan on having a beer outside sitting on our Paddy O'Furniture.
I'd like to share a poem that my own dad wrote for his mom once upon a time:
M is for the many things she gave me.
O is for the other things she gave me.
T is for the things she gave me.
H is for her things she gave me.
E is for everything she gave me.
R is for the rest of the things she gave me.
Happy Mother's Day to all mothers!
It's a distinction without a difference
where do monsters like to go swimming
the dead sea
...cause it’s the capital of Hungary...
It was a black/Thai event.
The name will appear as : **Fiiish**
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana
I will be posting a joke in about 5 minutes, stay tuned 👍
Could someone please tell me a joke or something? I'm getting really tired of waiting for this guy
He would ask me, "so what position are you playing, left out?"
He always made High C's.
What did the pirate say on his birthday?
Ayyyyyeeee mateyyyy
Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:
“Well, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”
pauses for effect
“...I guess I let it go to my head.”
Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).
Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another ‘incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...
