I am a judge for peanut beauty pageants

My job is pretty nuts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05
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Such beauty
πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Levauxz
πŸ“…︎ May 27
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My sister-in-law accidentally won a beauty pageant for vampire hunters

She's the new Miss Stake.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WideEyedWand3rer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14
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The beauty store told me their soap is 100% natural but I found out it wasn't

It was just a Lye

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amranwag
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
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My friend was hesitant about joining the butcher's beauty pageant.

May end up being a Miss Steak...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kasegauner
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
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I got an apiarist to judge my beauty pageant

Beauty is, after all, in the eye of the bee holder

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EWL98
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01
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Beauty lies in the eye of the bee-holder.
πŸ‘︎ 393
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saintwithataint
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
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Before Mount Rushmore was carved, it’s natural beauty was...

Unpresidented.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YellowFlash384
πŸ“…︎ May 31
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Unlike the bee, which is in his hand.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RepresentativePop
πŸ“…︎ May 26
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Beauty is in the eye of the...
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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What shows the beauties of the world, but when you look at it, it shows the horrors?

A mirror

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NYRion7
πŸ“…︎ May 04
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Where is Beauty?
πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TSUplayer74
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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If The Beauty and the Beast took place in America, "Beauty" would have to be from the South

Because she's a Southern Belle

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eagleeatworld
πŸ“…︎ May 13
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Found this beauty
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TS-Swirl
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
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My wife asked me what I do for hours at a time at the beauty school library. I replied ...

... eye brows.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/0618033989
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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Disney came up with a Beauty & The Beast remake, but didn't include a princess.

The movie later earned a 'No Belle' prize

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Escalade1414
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
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A "helen" could be used as a measurement of beauty, defined as a face that could launch a thousand ships. However, one should not use a "millihelen" to mean that a face could only launch one ship...

...because you shouldn't put metric prefixes on Troy units.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IncompotentCyborg
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
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Beauty is the eye of the...
πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/champagneinmexico
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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The true beauty of a pun

Rests in the β€œoy” of the beholder.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BHK1961
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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saw this simple beauty on the interstate
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porpois
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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I found this beauty on r/cursedimages
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingExus7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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Had this beauty planted on me in the most unexpected of places. Grindr.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elliotcoaster
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zacharyangrk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2017
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This beauty found on r/news
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HomocusPocus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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South African beauty pageant

The South Africa beauty pageant had 10 finalists: 9 black girls, and 1 white girl: Anna.
 
While Anna was beautiful in her own right, she paled in comparison to the other contestants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Martijngamer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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I got in an argument with beauty supplies and now we're not friends anymore.

We just couldn't make up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayraffe51
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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Beauty is in the...
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fallere235
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
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Out of the blue, I decided to take my wife to a commercial establishment offering health and beauty treatment through such means as steam baths, exercise equipment, and massage

You could say the decision was pretty spa-radic

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Avasnay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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Beauty lies in the eyes of the... (not mine, but still funny) m.imgur.com/Ca0CRPV
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fogledude102
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Oh wait these are wasps

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YeshSV
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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Camping tip: If smoke follows beauty, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder...

... then smoke is always in your eye.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhm718
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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What award did Gaston of Beauty and The Beast won?

The No Belle prize

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2016
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Did you see the beautiful woman who radiated beauty in the circus?

She was pretty in tents!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chefboyclakie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
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Witnessed this beauty in line at a catering table...

There was a spread of meats and salads for dinner, and above the table was a light that was flickering - giving off a strobe effect.

To which the person behind me casually remarks under his breath; β€œHmm, don’t mind me a bit of seizure salad”.

I thought it was great. No one else seemed to appreciate it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freeebbo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2018
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Gaston from Beauty and the Beast...

Winner of the No-Belle prize.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2017
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Jokes for driving by the beauty school

Each time we drive by the beauty school I attempt a dad joke. Here are some of my favorites.

I wonder how often they use highlighters in their coursework.

Do you think they have extension courses?

Students are dying to get out of there.

Does every teacher allow makeup work?

You know, they're doing the opposite of filing for unemployment.

I wonder how often they change the locks in there?

Do you think cutting class is a requirement?

Does each student have a permanent record?

Do my puns make you want to curl up and dye?

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kentuckeyken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2017
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Who won the skeleton beauty contest?

No body

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taylordprints
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
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My friend's dad delivered a beauty the other day. What happened when a girl backed into a helicopter?

Disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackymac_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2017
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Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BradC
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2017
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Electronics lecturer dropped this beauty on us

Discussing electrical current and he introduced us to Kirchhoff's current law.

"This is Kirchhoff's current law. I don't know what his previous law was, but this is the current one."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drummer_ash
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2014
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My wife came back from the beauty parlor...

My four-year-old son ran excitedly to the door to greet her. When she opened it, her appearance was startling. She looked like a goth. Her eyes were surrounded with jet-black make-up, with dramatic extra lashes drawn to the sides.

My son let out a shriek and rushed back into my arms for a hug. "What's on Mommy's eyes?" he asked tearfully.

I replied, "Ma scare ya?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fellow_hiccupper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2017
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Taking your dad to a beauty salon

Me: sit and wait for me here. Dad: wait is that a tanning booth or a Tardis?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freyfreytrim
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2017
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Beauty is in the eye of the

http://imgur.com/gallery/CfK40

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sirpeech
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2016
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Found this beauty in the shopping centre

http://i.imgur.com/K9AvDnz.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mehta23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2014
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My girlfriend got me a beauty

.. I lost my atm card, and when i changed into my jeans i found it in my pocket and also $10 in my other pocket.. I said "stop looking i found it" and said "i found my card in my jeans and also $10... She said "see it pays to check your pockets".. I honestly didn't think she had it in her

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mullen000
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
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Did you hear the one about Sleeping Beauty?

It's a pretty tired joke.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NikkoE82
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2016
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Just got my wife and son with this beauty "I watched gone with the wind for the first time the other day"

"I was blown away"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sticky_bud
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2015
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Talking to a dad about his recent move, come out with this beauty...

Me: So i heard you shifted house? Friends dad: Yeah, it was a moving experience.

We both laughed in hysterics for about 5 mins.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeahbro86
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2014
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Heard this beauty from my stepdad today

Stepdad: What's another name for the Winter Olympics?

Me: What?

Stepdad: White people Olympics.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gr33nman460
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2014
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My dad dropped this beauty before tea...

An ad for deodorant said "what do you do to reveal your underarms?"

Any my dad instantly says "raise my arm..."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebenprocter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
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Came up with this beauty on a business trip to the far East.

Q: How do Hong Kongers cozy up? A: They dim some.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/carignanboy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2015
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Gaston from Beauty and the Beast...

Winner of the No-Belle prize.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2017
🚨︎ report

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