In an attempt to bring great pleasure to myself, I'll post controversial topics in white supremacist groups in the attempt to get funny reactions out of them.

I'm mass-turd-baiting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Klratz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Just got back from a pleasure trip.

I took my mother-in-law to the airport

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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"It's a pleasure to be here as the keynote speaker for 'The Purple Fruit Growers Association'" said Tom

with much aplomb.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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Chilled for your pleasure
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/disc_er
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
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It Gives Me No Pleasure to Define Anhedonia.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HiderOfCheese
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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A necrophiliac walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "What's your pleasure?".

He replies "I'd love to have a cold one."

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phillydog1
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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I had the pleasure of serving under one of the calmest commanders in the US Army

General Anesthesia always helped put internal disputes to bed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrDewinYourMom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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Adam was ribbed for his own pleasure
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ACDH_2002
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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When my ex-wife and I divorced, I handed her a letter saying, β€œIt was a pleasure. Thanks.”

I wanted things to end on a positive note.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
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Today I fell into my own sword, and a pleasure it was.

Babysitting my niece in this heat I wanted to be nice and go out for ice cream. So, I start off with "Hey.. I was thinking.." and before I could finish this 6-year old says "Yeah I thought I smelled something burning", without ever looking up.

The sick irony is that I read this one online and was saving it to roast her. I'm proud, but sad. Of course that doesn't mean my campaign of horrid jokes came to an end!

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
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Pleasure to meet you, Floating!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/formula_F300
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
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My embarrassing hobby is covering the fifth letter of the alphabet in a thin layer of gold …

It's a gilt-E pleasure.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
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when I was a child we were so poor that my mother made us clothes out of the scraps my dad would bring home from work at the sandpaper factory

It was rough.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinkybenny
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Why do skeletons make good pastors?

They’re impervious to the pleasures of the flesh!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hephsters
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
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David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink.

β€œIt’s a pleasure to serve you, Mr. Hasselhoff”, said the bartender.

β€œJust call me Hoff”, he replied.

β€œSure”, said the bartender, β€œno hassle”.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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Photography is very pleasurable for me

It almost feels like Kamera Sutra

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mon0_95
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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After getting married, the woman filed for divorce the very next morning...........

Judge: "I don't understand, what happened?"

Woman: "I work in a pharmacy. I met him when he first came there last week and asked to purchase an X-X-X-X-L condom. That's when I thought, for a happy pleasureful life, I should get him to marry me before any other girls find out and lap him up."

Judge: "ok.... then? "

Woman: "I held my excitement all day thru the wedding, waiting for the night..... so at night when I my curiosity couldn't wait any longer........I found out something."

Judge: "what?"

Woman: "the Bastard has speech disorder.... he STAMMERS!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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My girlfriend thanked me for the videos I sent her from my masturbation session.

The pleasure was all mine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FrogOnALeash
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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Joke I came up with today

So this surgeon always posts pictures of the masks he wears during his surgery on Instagram. He does this every single time he has a surgery, and his nurses can never understand why. Eventually, he garners a massive following on Instagram. So, he goes into his supervisor's room, and he says, "Hello, it's a pleasure to see you". The supervisor says, "To what do I owe the pleasure?" The surgeon says, "Well, my Instagram business is really taking off. I think it would be better for me to quit being a surgeon and focus on Instagram full time". The supervisor thinks he's a little crazy but decides to let him do what he wants. The former surgeon now goes and buys as many masks as he can to sustain his Instagram account. Eventually, he becomes so wealthy that he is able to buy all these lavish things and not have to worry about economic failure. However, one day, he decides to begin posting pictures of medical needles on his Instagram account instead of masks at about the same time that he gets a horrible sickness that is almost always fatal. Because he posts pictures of masks now, his account begins failing, and even though he tries to save it, he's unable. He no longer has any money to treat the illness and is on his deathbed. His entire family is surrounding him, and his father leans in to hug him. As this happens, the ex-surgeon says in a weak voice, "Dad, where did I go wrong?" The dad, with tears in his eyes, seeing what his son has been reduced to and sadly knowing his dear son's death is imminent says, "You post syringe, you lose subscriber"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoPolesGaming
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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On Father's Day, I thanked my dad for his contribution to my birth.

He said it was his pleasure.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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Pleasurable Father's Day

Sitting at the table for Father's Day, my 16 year old daughter decided to be grand in her wishing me a happy father's day.

"Dad, thank you for siring me."

"You're welcome, but, the pleasure was all mine."

My mother in law glared. Everyone else laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AK_Pastor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2015
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I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....

They're my quilty pleasure

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lokimonoxide
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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It's not mine but I found it on r/wholesomememes
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bcol42
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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If there were a study exploring the pornography preference of people in each country, we could finally see what this world is coming to.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHamgurgler
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2016
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My Calculus Professor is having a tough time adjusting to retired life.

He can’t seem to deal with the aftermath.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
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An interesting title.

Like many Brits I like a hot drink in the morning. The first one is really special. Dyed gold, and in a golden cup.

It's my gilt tea pleasure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fufuxache
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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Last night my wife told me the dentist found a crack in her tooth

As I'm coming out of the shower and talking with my wife she tells me about the crack the dentist found and will need to be fixed. I remind her I've got one that they've been monitoring for a while too. I ask her "you wanna see my crack?"

Of course...I turn around and show her my bare ass....

She tried REALLY hard not to laugh at that.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SgtMac02
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2016
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Choking Puns, STAT!

A female friend of mine has a sexual fantasy of being choked during sex (which she exposed during a drunken... "moment"), I am a bad person and find great pleasure in exploiting this via subtle public humiliation! SO, what choking puns have we got to offer?! I'd think of my own but I go to say them and I just choke...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeow91
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2017
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Why are frog dicks the best?

They ribbit for your pleasure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xerotrope
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
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So, your cat lost one of his lives?

I guess now he's an octo-puss.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teatimetibbons
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2015
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I was once accused of stealing a subwoofer...

...but the accusations were bassless.

...

I'll see myself out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anaemicpuppy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2014
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I just met a handsome monk...

I just met a handsome monk. He has spent his life abstaining from carnal pleasure. I found him ascetic-ically pleasing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DavetheTurnip
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
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Tom Hanks walked into a wind tunnel.

The wind tunnel says to him "It's a pleasure to meet you Mr Hanks, I'm a huge fan."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fhoxyd22
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2017
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So, someone posted something on /r/movies about Val Kilmer being rushed to hospital recently with a throat tumor.....

.....and I posted "Is it Valignant?".....which was then followed by the most downvotes I've ever had the pleasure of experiencing. Lesson learned: keep my puns to this subreddit only!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultra-saurus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2015
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Don't try and dadjoke your angry dad.

Over the years my dad has done the very old, very lame "Hi _____, I'm Dad."
Today he got stuck in a ditch after sliding on some ice. Once home he looks angry so I said "Hey, you look pretty angry." He says "I'm pissed off." FINALLY. My moment has come, I will have the great pleasure of doing it, I open my mouth and these little words come out. "Hi I'm piss-" WHACK
He knew what was coming and wouldn't allow it.
TLDR; Don't dadjoke your dad when he's angry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Faable1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2013
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