They take everything literally.
Grandpa: I hate it. It’s driving me up the wall.
Of corpse they do....
Cause it's not about the money . It's about sending a message !
A cheese expert replied, “There’s no whey!”
He was a fungi (fun guy).
"I just wanted to make that clear!"
Did you hear about the red-headed cookie that broke it’s leg?
Gingersnap
Did you hear about the cookie that quietly laughs at other cookies’ drawings?
Snickerdoodle
Did you hear about the dessert that got cast in the bakery’s reboot of Indiana Jones: The Temple of Doom?
Shortbread
Did you hear about the friends the zombies are making in heaven?
Angel food
Did you hear about the Mushroom Kingdom princess that abdicated the throne to pursue the shoe repair trade?
Peach cobbler
Did you hear about the 49th state in the Union legalizing recreational marijuana?
Baked Alaska
Did you hear about the Bavarian teacher that filled up her blackboard every day?
German chocolate
Did you hear about the hip New York hotspots for citrus fruits?
Lemon bars
Did you hear about the mother's sister that really likes her nieces and nephews?
Fondant
Did you hear about people wagering money on a boxing match in the Arctic between a heavyweight champ and raspberries?
Sherbet
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
Lamborghini in the bottle baby.
I have no egrets
He’ll come around eventually.
Love means nothing to them.
From there, it's all downhill.
I don't know why he didn't just use a sponge, like other Dads.
Sometimes, he'll even laugh
Serial Chiller
But only to a certain degree
What do you call James Bond in a bath?
Bubble 07
One could say it was a sub-lime experience.
She looked me dead in the eye and said, “Window or aisle?” I laughed in her face and replied, “Window or you’ll what?”
Strangely enough, they mostly only read the daddy issues.
But I gotta say it's growing on me.
This is not a traditional /r/dadjokes with a delivery and a punchline.
I just wanted all dad's, with kids around 2-6, to know that changing the name of Winnie the Pooh to Winnie the Poop will generate maniacal laughter from your kids. Especially if you combine it with singing the theme song from the movie.
As an added bonus, there is no statute of limitations on when you add the extra P. You can say: Winnie the Poop Winnie the Pooh...P Or Winnie the Pooh...... ...... .... P And your kids will laugh just as hard.
I've gone a full minute without saying the last P, while my kids hang on my every facial movement.
Enjoy
but it does give me paws.
But for some reason, whenever I bring out MC Escher’s art, I get weird stairs.
She said, "I hate it. It's driving me up the wall."
He said he hates it, it’s driving him up the wall
Grandpa: It has it's ups and downs
