My daughter asked me for a recommendation for a good book. I told her I had the perfect book in my collection for her to read. It has drama, romance, betrayal, excitement, action, love, loss, heroes, villians, mystery and puzzles. Pretty much everything really. Excitedly she asked me for it.

I handed her the dictionary.

πŸ‘︎ 466
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't get all the excitement surrounding Nintendo's new product announcement...

My house is full of light switches!

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quakesand
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My son gets really excited when we go to the natural history museum. When he gets near the prehistoric bones, he just explodes with excitement and I can't deal with is new strength.

I'm just not qualified to handle his dino-might.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leniski1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Containing excitement
πŸ‘︎ 342
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Renegade_Meister
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2016
🚨︎ report
Got an exciting new wallpaper. You could even say it's the definition of excitement.
πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1194js
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Early morning excitement
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nerdenial
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the man 3D printing his face control his excitement?

He was getting a head of himself

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zeshanator98
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Messaging my dad about my excitement to see Bernie Sanders!

Me: I can't wait see Bernie Sanders live!

Dad: Never knew he was dead.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedPaintedLady
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2015
🚨︎ report
A very exciting pun
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beta-pi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Started an OnlyFans account. Pretty excited for my early retirement
πŸ‘︎ 793
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I get so excited for spring...

I wet my plants

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paleran
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you get your child excited to go to church?

Tell them they are going to the prayground

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tygerhavvk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Everyone was excited at the Autopsy club.

It was open Mike night.

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anytime200
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."

"Stairs don't talk!"

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What does the mother brush say to her overly excited kids ?

Comb down

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YeetMyPeePee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I was excited to get a large can of fine meat from Amazon.

But it turned out to be spam.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
My daughter got out of choir practice. She was talking about who her favorite conductors were, and was really excited about her favorite ones, because she said they were very good conductors.

Did they stick their fingers in an electrical socket?

"No... Why..?"

Well, then, how do you know if they were good conductors or not?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/der_innkeeper
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Does a train have teeth?

Then how can it choo choo?

Complements of my 6 year old.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikehawk86
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Everyone's excited that 2020 is ending...

...but forget that the year after 2021 is 2020 too

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZackAshM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the groom excited to take over his new brides cylindrical wooden rod factory

Because it was her dowelry.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I have been making pencil sketches of my family and it's not exciting at all

Back to the drawing, bored

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my husband I was excited to see who's nose our baby has on the ultrasound, his reply...

he can't have my nose, I need it!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FTM-Oct2020
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m excited it see Pun: The Musical

It’s a play on words

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobby_vance
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
You always have to keep your job exciting.

Being a well driller, I often dream I could drill right to the center of the earth.

If I didn't have such a great imagination my job would be just boring.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leyline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m excited for Jan 1, 2021

Then I can finally say that hindsight is 2020.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tkseizetheday
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Frankenstein was excited

It was his first 'body-building' competition.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sne4a
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently Orion wasn't too excited about his new belt.

He only gave it 3 stars.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
People who wear glasses must be excited for next year.

It's the first time they'll see 2020.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikkobe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
So there was this zookeeper...

(This probably makes more sense if you're British.)

Doing his rounds one day and when he got to the bird enclosure he noticed a load of the birds had died. Unsure as to what he should do with the bodies he tossed them into the big cat exhibit.

The next day he was cleaning out the primates and noticed the lifeless figure of an ape laying on the floor... not wanting to perform a proper burial and besides- he wasn't earning much more than minimum wage anyway so he tossed it into the big cat enclosure.

On his third day the zookeeper came across his colleague who kept bees, it seems they'd got sick and a lot of the hive had perished. Not to worry, the zookeeper scooped them onto a shovel and tossed them into the big cat exhibit. It's the circle of life he thought to himself.

The next day there was a lot of excitement in the zoo. A new lioness had arrived. The lioness stalked out of the trailer...sniffed at the unfamiliar lion next to her...

"So, what's the food like in this place then?" She asked awkwardly.

"It's actually not that bad" replied the lion. "Over the past few days we've had Finch, chimps and mushy bees"

Badum tssss! Β―_(ツ)_/Β―

Yeah, for any non brits that read all that: Fish, chips and mushy peas is a classic English dish. So...yeah...that's the joke.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FananaBartman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife said she wanted to take me out. I was so excited...

Until I saw the body bag.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Just what is it about all the Psychics that I visit, they're either totally depressed or too excitable..

..it's really hard to find the happy Medium.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Vincent

So my brothers name is Vincent, 18 years now, and a few years ago he came up to me very excited and said: β€žMy name is Vincent, but you can call me β€šVinβ€˜ so you save a centβ€œ

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marvinmadafaka
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
A Little Town In Mexico And Their Love Of Mayonnaise

There was a little town in Mexico, right across the border from Texas. They got a taste for Mayonnaise from the Cowboys crossing the border to eat. Soon they created a festival for their love of Mayonnaise. They’d have every type of mayonnaise you could think of. Folks loved it. The 10th anniversary of the festival was coming up and they decided they wanted to do something special. They heard of a place in England that made the worlds very best. They placed their order and was told it would be shipped overseas to them by boat. Because they had placed such a large order, the only ship capable of carrying it was the Titanic. The folks were waiting excitedly until the morning that the Titanic had hit a iceberg. When the news came that they wouldn’t get their shipment and to honor those lives lost, they decided to rename their festival. It became known as β€œSinko De Mayo.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedDirtCountryBoy
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
The mad scientist awoke, thrilled to see his clone right next to him.

He was beside himself with excitement.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Got a new tattoo

My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bosozokulove
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.

It's Groundbreaking work.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Zenchi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was very excited to finally introduce our kids to her sister...

It was Auntie Climactic.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinjesus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I was really excited when my wife bought me a book for my birthday called β€œ69 Mating Positions”.

Turns out it’s about Chess strategies.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I know an archaeologist who found a human leg bone during an excavation. The other archaeologists got excited and went over to help him.

Turned out to be quite the shin dig.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tenglempls
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m so excited it’s spring time

I just wet my plants.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Youtile
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife was so excited when Spring came,

that she wet her plants.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Why were the group of coroners excited?

Because it was open Mike night!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boop66
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Everyone was excited at the Autopsy Club.

It was open Mike night!

πŸ‘︎ 189
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BastetLXIX
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone was excited to be at our autopsy club this evening.

It was open Mike night.

πŸ‘︎ 345
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I was excited to join the Autopsy Club

Wednesday’s are Open Mike Night.

πŸ‘︎ 137
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Formaldefortress
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
So excited for autopsy club!

It's open mike night!

πŸ‘︎ 178
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I was so excited that 2020 is almost over.

Then I realized after 2021 is 2020 too.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone was excited at the Autopsy Club

it was open Mike night

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/velvettriangles
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone was excited at the Autopsy Club...

It was open Mike night.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the overly excited Gardner do when spring finally came?

He wet his plants!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaden-YoungBlood
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone was excited about the Autopsy Club meeting...

It was open Mike night.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrivateTumbleweed
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report

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