I have to make dad jokes or I could lose my dad license. It's a thing called D-Law. If you're caught being a dad without a license? Well...

That's against D-Law.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/huxtiblejones
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Well, I'm at home for the time being.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the word for 'Conducive to or suggestive of good health and physical well-being'?
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/agarwalkunal12
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Jazz apples being, well, jazzy 😎 v.redd.it/x3jgrlg1bt031
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon. "Well..." he said. "It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we flip for it."

"And he won?" I asked.

"Well, no..." he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder, the big jerk!"

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Being well-endowed is awesome

Everyone else has to walk really far for water

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Life has been going pretty well for me lately and my wife told me I need to work on being more humble.

I told her when it comes to humility I'm #1.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Megaseth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Studies show regular patients of chiropractors are less likely to need to see therapists due to being so well adjusted
πŸ‘︎ 151
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ace_dreacon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2016
🚨︎ report
My friend is well on his way to being a dad

Me: When you push someone it would be considers assault

Him: I would more consider it a pepper

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spartian
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2013
🚨︎ report
I used to be the soccer team's striker until my coach realized I wasn't playing well. He said....

You should play defense, no offense.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beanfibers
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Dr William Archibald Spooner, the creator of spoonerisms was well known to be a smart fella.

The dirty bastard.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Well I mean I would be mad...
πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xxDr-Beckyxx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Eight days in and this year looks like it might be as bad as last year. Possibly even worse. If it does turn out worse, well, you know what they say...

Hindsight is 2020!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
My sister might as well be a Dad
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpneufeld
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Well he must be from Boston..
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/9xbuddy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar

A man walked into a bar with his dog and ordered a few drinks. At the end of the night, when he got the tab, he was astounded at the $50 check. He calls the bar tender over hoping to strike a deal. β€œBartender, I only have 20 bucks I can’t pay for this drink. Let’s make a deal, if my dog can talk then you’ll let me have my drinks for free.” The bartender states, β€œthere is no way that damn dog can talk! Pay me the money!” The man in response states, β€œNo no sir, watch. Spots, what kind of situation are you in when you didn’t study for a test?” The dog, β€œRuff!” The man carries on the bit, β€œSee bar tender my dog can talk! You’re in a rough situation when you don’t study!” The bartender, β€œNow boy don’t play with me now, just pay your tab, that dog can’t talk!” β€œWell here, I’ll prove it to you. Spots, what texture is sandpaper?” β€œRuff!” The bartender reaches hand over the counter, almost touching the man, β€œI won’t ask again sir.” β€œI have one more, just watch. Spots, who is the best baseball player?” β€œRuff!” The bartender, done being fooled with, throws the man in his dog out of the bar, taking all his money. He looks at his dog sadly, β€œsorry spots, I guess he doesn’t believe you can talk...” The dog looks up, confused, β€œmaybe I should’ve said DiMaggio.”

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DorkeyTree
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a doctors office. β€œWhat seems to be the problem?” Asks the doc. β€œIt’s... um... well... i have five penises.” Replies the man. β€œBlimey!” Says the doctor, β€œhow do your trousers fit?” β€œLike a glove.”
πŸ‘︎ 274
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SvenTranslator
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Well, to be honest

I'd have to change my name

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/immonkeydluffy99
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Well I guess it must be the year of the dog
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schwenger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
πŸš€ β€πŸŒ•Cybertruck Prototype πŸŒ• β€πŸš€

β€πŸš€πŸŒ• ‍ELON TWEET HYPE, BUT WITH LEGIT LONG TERM DEVS . πŸŒ• β€πŸš€
Strap in and get ready to launch.

This was created by a professional dev team of HOGL And BUFFTOWN (Developers of HOGL and Shield) They are dedicating their spare time to launch this as a meme project that will explode. Get in. We’re going to run this long term for listings on both CMC and Gecko.
Cybertruck Prototype has an ambitious core team of experienced Crypto veterans, all working day and night ( I mean this, we actually forced one to stay up well past his bed time while in the voice channel. ) to make sure we get to the moon fast, and safe.

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ 4.6MM 24Hour Volume⭐️⭐️ ⭐️
⭐️ Market Cap as of typing this 2.3MM⭐️

INCOMING CATALYSTS:

CMC LISTING: Coming soon.

COINGECKO LISTING: Coming Soon

SNL TONIGHT and the CyberTruckPrototype itself being the star of the show in NYC.

This is NOT a P&D. Liquidity is LOCKED, and ownership RENOUNCED.

CONTRACT RENOUNCED:
bscscan /address/0xf340e33aef552c836b4538ba09bbfccd5f42fa17#readContract

⭐️ Contract:

bscscan /token/0xf340E33aef552C836b4538BA09bBfCcd5f42fa17

⭐️ CHART:

poocoin /tokens/0xf340e33aef552c836b4538ba09bbfccd5f42fa17

⭐️ Website
Cybertruck . financial

⭐️ Telegram

t me /CyberTruckPrototypeOfficial

⭐️ Twitter

twitter /officialcybert

⭐️ Reddit
r /CyberTruckPrototype

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lynseahoss
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
8 months in and I finally got a good dad joke over the weekend.

In the subdivision where I live there are 2 open fields with cows in each one, one of those fields is being turned into a sports complex. My friends were wondering where the cows would go and one of them suggested that they would just have all the cows in one field, to which I replied β€œwell then it would just be overCOWded”

Thanks guys

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LackingDatSkill
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Professor X: What's your superpower?

Me: Hindsight

Professor X: Well that won't be much help to us...

Me: Yes I see that now.

πŸ‘︎ 490
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
A child and his father are walking down the street when the child asks...

"Dad, what does being drunk feels like?"

"Well son, you see those four trees over there? If you were drunk, you'd see eight trees."

"Dad, there are only two trees."

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/infinit9
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Well, it can be annoying.
πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quibblicous
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Noah's berries.

It's not well known that among the species of plants taken aboard Noah's Ark was a very odd berry. This berry had a special property where if you ate too few at once they would be sour, but if you ate too many at once they would be bitter. Even stranger was that the right number of berries to eat at once for perfect sweetness was different for each person.

Shem would never take enough berries and would complain every time "Ugh! These berries are so sour! Why did we bring these plants?" Noah would reply "I've told you over and over, you need to eat a couple more in a mouthful to make them sweet."

Ham would always take too many berries and would complain every time "Ick! These berries are so bitter! I'd like to toss the plants overboard." Noah would reply "I've told you over and over, you need to eat fewer in a mouthful to make them sweet."

Japeth would grab a random amount and whenever they were bitter or sour he'd complain "Why do these berries never taste the same? We should let the animals eat the plants so we don't have to eat the silly berries." Noah would reply "I've told you over and over, you should remember how many berries taste the best."

After a couple of weeks of this, Noah announced "I'm taking charge of portioning the berries. I've made notes of how many of them taste the best for me, my wife, all of you my sons, and your wives. At meals I'll give each of you the correct amount, and NO MORE COMPLAINTS!"

Another week passed and Japeth wanted some berries to take the edge off his hunger, but rather than wander all over the whole ark looking for his father he asked Emzara "Where's dad? I'd like some berries before lunch."

Emzara pointed to the storeroom and said "I thought you were tired of the berries? But there's Noah, counting for taste."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreggAlan
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Studies can be pun as well
πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hamees007
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I recently got a new job!

A little bit of Background information:Β  When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner.Β Β  Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion!Β  He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really.Β Β  However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business.Β Β Β  The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this!Β Β  My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.

Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago.Β Β  I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency.Β  Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.

After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his.Β Β  At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed.Β Β Β  He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement,Β  his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these.Β Β Β  I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.

So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there.Β Β Β  Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job!Β Β  Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month!Β Β  At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life.Β  You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you"Β  I never realized how freeing it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/terjulmar
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Well, I always try to be positive about the situation.
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HTTYDfan1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Well.. I don't think there is many worse things to be inspired by
πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Athena123YT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I get ignored so much, might as well be called terms and conditions
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reborn0608
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
This just happened yesterday. My son said, "I'm a little weak"...

And I told him, "well grow up, then you can be a month!"

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frenchpressfan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Glass urns coming to the market now. How well they will sell? Remains to be seen.
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gr8prajwalb
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My oldest son just came in...

...and asked me, "Mom, how well can you hold your beer?"

"I don't like beer."

"Ok, your drink, then."

"Pretty damn well, better than you for sure."

"What if your glass was slippery?"

Ugh... he's only 15 and ready to be a dad, it seems. I threw my box of tissues at him.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrailMomKat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
French fries weren’t originally cooked in France πŸ‡«πŸ‡·

They were cooked in grease

β€œWell oil be dammed”

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
A Higgs Boson walks into a church

The pastor says, β€œYou can’t be in here!” The Higgs Boson replies, β€œWell without me you can’t have mass.”

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superuglypotate
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon. "Well..." he said. "It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door."

"Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we toss for it."

"And he won?" I said.

"Well, no." he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder, the jerk."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Well, next year we'll be able to say

"hindsight is 2020".

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/applewithacape
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Well to be frank

I'd have to change my name

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/71397334
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Well, to be frank...

I’d have to change my name!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryannbajaj
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a doctors office. "What seems to be the problem'P" Asks the doc. um... well... I have five penises," replies the man. "Blimey!" Says the doctor "how do your trousers fit?"

"Like a glove."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Well to be frank...

I’d have to change my name

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrgmanflash
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report

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