My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"

πŸ‘︎ 176
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My French friend said β€œHELP! I’m in pain!”

Now I just need to get him out of that loaf

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
Who does Mr. Salt go to when he has back pain?

Dr. Pepper.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodEveningItsAsa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the horse always in pain?

Because his name was Charlie.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fuzzysox25
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
If Hermes was the messenger god, the he sure was lucky not to have met the god of pain and old age...

Arthrites.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elliptical_orbit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the Med school library to get a book on abdominal pain

Someone had already ripped the appendix out.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naj_md
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Life is Pain
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/digdilem
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Neck pain
πŸ‘︎ 146
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/breckendusk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are there no pain killers in the jungle?

because the parrots eat em all

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VanillaxBear
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an idiot who’s hooked on pain killers?

An oxymoron!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/innuen-doh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife went into labor today, so I read the front page of /r/DadJokes to her as a distraction from the pain. Unfortunately, she didn’t laugh once, was clearly not amused and I have no idea why...

It must have been the delivery...

πŸ‘︎ 204
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Pirate goes to doctor to have groin pain checked. Dr. looks down pirates pants and says, β€œyou have a captain’s steering wheel in your pants.”

Pirate replied, β€œarghh, it’s driving me nuts”.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/legendary-jake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife screamed in pain during labour so I asked, "What's wrong?". She screamed. "These contractions are going to kill me!!"

"I am sorry, honey." I replied. "What is wrong?"

πŸ‘︎ 18k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sexxc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
The pain! It hertz!
πŸ‘︎ 412
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sam_3205
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.

I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I feel pain looking at this
πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rbooth05
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow that doesn’t feel pain?

C

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bishboshTV
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Having severe throat pain

Must be because Ice-cream a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wassup369
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
He was the breadwinner his family is in pain
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?

Tooth-hurty! (2:30)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wongonsomanylvls
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Lower back pain is the worst,

it's a real pain in the ass.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UzumakiChetan10
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I had an appointment with two physicians. They told me, β€œthe more pain you experience, the better you will feel.”

What a strange pair-a-docs.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œI’m about to be in a crap ton of pain.” β€œWhy?”

β€œI just ate spicy food, son.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cookiekiller6
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Jiraya's death was pain
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jdramanuj
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call 60 minutes of pain?

An OWur!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jbs1018
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a lot of pain

It's a good job I'm French, otherwise I'd have to pay healthcare...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sugar_lettuce
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What type of pain killers do they give you after a boobjob?

Percocets (perky-sets)

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lboogie19
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The sporting goods store downtown was having a big sale on canoe paddles, but traffic and road construction made it real pain to get there...

...yeah, it was quite the ordeal to get the oar deal.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain...

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support...

πŸ‘︎ 223
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
After three weeks of my no-carb diet, I had to see my doctor for digestion pains...

...he told me I was lack toast intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MCPanda6969
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My favorite toilet paper was discontinued. Nobody prepared me for how much of a pain in the ass it is to find a new favorite.
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bensly
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.

This place is back wards.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What colour is an instruction to cry out in pain?

Yell "ow"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Such pain

Having stomach ache is a shitty feeling

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZacchaeusA
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I once got severe pain in my head from inhaling too much of steam.

It was a big mist-ache

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/x_amxxn_x
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Being constipated can be a pain in the butt
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rnielsen776
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
An evil proctologist would be a pain in the ass.
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlueStonerT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My favorite dish is Chocolat au Pain

I'm a glutton for punishment.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Freeaboo_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Perfect pain only for 9.99 πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fatbstrd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"

πŸ‘︎ 18k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain.

Somebody had ripped the appendix out.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife claims that she can remove my chest hair without any pain at all.

I don’t think she will be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, β€œWhat’s wrong?”. She screamed. β€œThese contractions are going to kill me!!”

β€œI am sorry, honey,” I replied. β€œWhat is wrong?”

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.

I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 530
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife claims she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.

I’m worried she won’t be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without any pain at all.

I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 118
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report

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