What do dogs get when their joints get sore?

Arf-ritis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lamecomment
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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Why does a skilled fisherman always have a sore pp?

Cause he's a master baiter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valakaydin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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Why did the pony have a sore throat?

Because it was a little horse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shotintheship
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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I got a sore throat after eating some Christmas decorations.

I had to get my tinsels taken out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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I had sore throat once

Took me few vicks to recover.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonp27
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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What do you call a sore Bruce Banner?

Q: What do you call a sore Bruce Banner?

A: Bruised Banner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chainboost
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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Do you guys know about that dumb "Sore Us" marathon for charity?

You're supposed to run until you can't anymore or something like that...? I was thinking of trying one out but honestly I don't know how good I'd do I'm an awful runner...

My friend Tyrell tried one last year and said it was the hardest thing he'd ever done...

I still can't believe Tyrannosaurus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DracoREXXX
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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I’m feeling pretty sore after tripping over some clams.

I think I might’ve pulled a mussel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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Look out for cold sores when sharing candy this Valentine's day...

Mine went from Mounds of Joy to Herpes Kisses.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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This mummy is sore...

It needs a Cairo-practor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/engineerwho_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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What do you call a dinosaur that’s in pain after sitting down for too long?

A Sore arse-saurus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Music_Phasic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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I went to the docs because of sore feet..

He said "Gout."

I replied "But I've just got here."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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A man goes the doctor complaining of a very sore leg.

He gets in early at 11.55am, and tells the doctor his leg is sore.

He then explains that he’s also experiencing some other weird things with the leg.

The man explains to the doctor that every hour on the hour, his thigh asks for money.

The Doctor is a bit perplexed, but waits until 12.00 and uses his stethoscope to listen to the thigh.

Sure enough, at 12.00 the Doctor hears the thigh say β€œHave you got 10 bucks. Can I borrow 10 bucks, I really need the money”.

The Doctor doesn’t understand what’s going on. Then the man says, at every quarter hour, my knee also asks for money. At 12.15, the Doctor listens to the mans knee through his stethoscope where he hears the knee say β€œHave you got 20 bucks. Can I borrow 20 bucks, I really need the money”.

The Doctor is even more befuddled.

Then the man says, at every half hour, my ankle asks for money. At 12.30, the Doctor listens to the mans ankle through his stethoscope where he hears the ankle say β€˜Have you got 50 bucks. Can I borrow 50 bucks, I really need the money”.

The doctor tells the man he doesn’t know what’s going on. It’s something he’s never encountered before.

The Doctor asks the man to come back in a week where the Doctor will do some research in the interim.

A week later the man comes back and asks the Doctor if he has any news.

The Doctor says yes – he’d done some research into the problem and found that the mans leg was broke in 3 places

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewMacSydney
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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A sore neck was the inspiration for my wife and I to make up this joke together...

A man was telling his friend that his neck was sore. His friend asked him, β€œwhat happened”? The man said that varmints had been tearing up his yard and that he had been spending hours digging through the dirt trying to repair the damage. His friend says, β€œgo for massage and that should take care of the problem”.

A couple of days pass and the two meet up again. The friend asked the man, β€œhow did it go?” The man says, β€œwell, I have to tell you, they are hard to catch, but once you get ahold of them and get started, those gophers sure seem to like their massage”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jdinmd
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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Sticking out like a sore thumb
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diov2Void
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
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I asked my doctor what I could do about my irritated eyes. He said "check out conjunctivitis.com."

"It's a site for sore eyes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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It hurts me to say this....

But, I have a sore throat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Do you want to hear a joke about a giraffe with a sore throat?

Forget it. It's too long.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
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I just got a sore throat.

It's a real pain in the neck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Harrymego
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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What food is best for a sore throat?

Lamb coughta

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BanoffeeBoi35
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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My wife's handbag is sorely in need of replacement. I offered to get her a new soft leather one, but she declined.

I guess she's not easily purse-sueded.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/conjunctivitis/

Thats a site for sore eyes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RaymonDGYC
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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People who pick their scabs are sore losers.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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What do you call it when a pirate has sore joints?

Arrrrrthritis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/surgicalfunnel
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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I woke up this morning with a very sore throat.

Last night, in the kitchen, I was talking to the colander and I think it strained my voice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abunchofcliches
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I kept leaving my local bar with a sore butt.

So I took some stool softener.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kalekent
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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I didn't think caffeine would give me a sore throat...

... but every time I have it I get coffee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ADogNamedPal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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What did the home inspector say to the sore loser?

Nobody likes a bad support.

(Okay, that was bad. Need better ones please!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haidukenshiruken
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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What do you call a mummy with a sore throat?

I don’t know.

Sir Cough I guess.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy at the poker table was complaining about a sore throat and a couple minutes later says β€œ I hope there’s Halls back at the hotel”.

Me being half baked asked how else would he get to his room?

Awkward silence for about 5 seconds then the dealer starts laughing and then everyone else. I got complimented on my dad joke.

I’m not dad, I’m just baked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Craigrets
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself!

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway! ~ My youngest son thought of that all by himself!

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pony with a sore throat?

A little hoarse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Www.conjunctivitis.com

That's a site for sore eyes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zerathulu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
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What do you call a donkey with a sore throat?

Hoarse

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shabbos_roller
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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What do you call a horse with a sore throat?

Hoarse!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/x_graveyard152
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pony with a sore throat?

A little hoarse.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raclex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pony with a sore throat?

A little hoarse

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kvervandi-
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
You know why a T-Rex walks with bent back?

Cause his dino's sore

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1CUP2DAY
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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What do you call a pony with a sore throat?

A lil 'hoarse'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DubiousPotat0
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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Me: β€œMy leg is sore because I drive a stick.”

Dad: β€œNo, you drive a car!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keepyoureyeson
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A Little Hoarse.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatindiandood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report

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