They always let out a little wine.
He takes things personally.
A crisis
She said, βWhat the hell are these?β
I said, βItβs the little things that count.β
That would mean a banana tree is a nuclear plant.
Because they take things personally.
I'm still an asshole
'Em Oceans
... but nowadays, when someone gets Botox, nobody raises an eyebrow!
I called it Nonsenseodyne.
Vulner.
That was the last straw.
The pianist.
"I won't offend it then"
I think you could hear my eyes rolling.
So I leaned in real close to it and whispered, "You're doing good, little guy. I believe in you."
I said to her "maybe your skin should find a safe corner"
Dad: "Hey let's go eat at that new restaurant over there"
Unsuspecting victim: "It's not new, the sign says 'Serving delicious food since 1923'"
Dad: "Yeah, that was only... dramatically looks at watch... 24 minutes ago!"
Because it sounded like a "Caw Caw Phony".
Family was discussing how my brother's ex-girlfriend's grandmother is being transported to RI to be buried after passing away in Florida.
Me: Isn't it sorta weird... you know.. that there could be a dead person flying in a plane en route to Rhode Island.
Dad: No, not really. I'd say the guy she was sitting next to would be the only one a little creeped out.
He takes things personally.
