Why are squashed grapes so sensitive?

They always let out a little wine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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Man, that burglar was so sensitive.

He takes things personally.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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What do you get when your sensitive and overly dramatic sister stubs her toe?

A crisis

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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"Time Sensitive Material"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brownijo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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My wife wants me to be more sensitive. So I got her abacus beads for her birthday.

She said, β€œWhat the hell are these?”

I said, β€œIt’s the little things that count.”

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
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Bananas produce enough radiation to set off sensitive geiger counters.

That would mean a banana tree is a nuclear plant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFailureKing
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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Why are burglars so sensitive?

Because they take things personally.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/electric_leper
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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I switched to sensitive toothpaste, but I don't think it's working

I'm still an asshole

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jrnitc
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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What do you call a group of sensitive water masses?

'Em Oceans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LemeeAdam
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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Five years ago plastic surgery was a sensitive topic...

... but nowadays, when someone gets Botox, nobody raises an eyebrow!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phatcat911
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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Sensodyne is a popular toothpaste for sensitive teeth. I wanted to make a version for non-sensitive teeth.

I called it Nonsenseodyne.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shagminer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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What was Barney Rubble's sensitive ex-wife called?

Vulner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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My wife knows I can't directly drink from the cup due to my sensitive teeth, so when she presented our drinks, I look in her cup.

That was the last straw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/n3rv0u5
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
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What's the most sensitive part of an orchestra?

The pianist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cornbread_curfew
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2016
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I told my fiancΓ© that I have a sensitive tooth...

"I won't offend it then"

I think you could hear my eyes rolling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sendatu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2016
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My wife told me she planted a Mimosa pudica, aka the sensitive plant.

So I leaned in real close to it and whispered, "You're doing good, little guy. I believe in you."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garrettbtm22
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2017
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My friend said her skin was sensitive

I said to her "maybe your skin should find a safe corner"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pillsanddiamonds
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2016
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Time sensitive dadjoke, pick your moment

Dad: "Hey let's go eat at that new restaurant over there"

Unsuspecting victim: "It's not new, the sign says 'Serving delicious food since 1923'"

Dad: "Yeah, that was only... dramatically looks at watch... 24 minutes ago!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chibolamoo
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2014
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Why did the person with sensitive hearing not like the imitation crow?

Because it sounded like a "Caw Caw Phony".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hardwareweenie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2016
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Pops has always been the sensitive type.

Family was discussing how my brother's ex-girlfriend's grandmother is being transported to RI to be buried after passing away in Florida.

Me: Isn't it sorta weird... you know.. that there could be a dead person flying in a plane en route to Rhode Island.

Dad: No, not really. I'd say the guy she was sitting next to would be the only one a little creeped out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MichaelAnz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2014
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I switched to Sensitive toothpaste but I don’t think it’s working, I’m still an asshole.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elon_Muskmelon
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2018
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Have you heard about the sensitive burglar?

He takes things personally.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2015
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