Took me Vicks to recover
Arf-ritis
Sorry, can't talk, I'm a little hoarse.
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...
Cause he's a master baiter
I had to get my tinsels taken out.
Q: What do you call a sore Bruce Banner?
A: Bruised Banner
I think I might’ve pulled a mussel.
Mine went from Mounds of Joy to Herpes Kisses.
He gets in early at 11.55am, and tells the doctor his leg is sore.
He then explains that he’s also experiencing some other weird things with the leg.
The man explains to the doctor that every hour on the hour, his thigh asks for money.
The Doctor is a bit perplexed, but waits until 12.00 and uses his stethoscope to listen to the thigh.
Sure enough, at 12.00 the Doctor hears the thigh say “Have you got 10 bucks. Can I borrow 10 bucks, I really need the money”.
The Doctor doesn’t understand what’s going on. Then the man says, at every quarter hour, my knee also asks for money. At 12.15, the Doctor listens to the mans knee through his stethoscope where he hears the knee say “Have you got 20 bucks. Can I borrow 20 bucks, I really need the money”.
The Doctor is even more befuddled.
Then the man says, at every half hour, my ankle asks for money. At 12.30, the Doctor listens to the mans ankle through his stethoscope where he hears the ankle say ‘Have you got 50 bucks. Can I borrow 50 bucks, I really need the money”.
The doctor tells the man he doesn’t know what’s going on. It’s something he’s never encountered before.
The Doctor asks the man to come back in a week where the Doctor will do some research in the interim.
A week later the man comes back and asks the Doctor if he has any news.
The Doctor says yes – he’d done some research into the problem and found that the mans leg was broke in 3 places
He said "Gout."
I replied "But I've just got here."
A man was telling his friend that his neck was sore. His friend asked him, “what happened”? The man said that varmints had been tearing up his yard and that he had been spending hours digging through the dirt trying to repair the damage. His friend says, “go for massage and that should take care of the problem”.
A couple of days pass and the two meet up again. The friend asked the man, “how did it go?” The man says, “well, I have to tell you, they are hard to catch, but once you get ahold of them and get started, those gophers sure seem to like their massage”.
Forget it. It's too long.
It's a real pain in the neck.
Lamb coughta
Arrrrrthritis.
Last night, in the kitchen, I was talking to the colander and I think it strained my voice
So I took some stool softener.
I don’t know.
Sir Cough I guess.
... but every time I have it I get coffee.
Nobody likes a bad support.
(Okay, that was bad. Need better ones please!)
Dad: “No, you drive a car!”
Me being half baked asked how else would he get to his room?
Awkward silence for about 5 seconds then the dealer starts laughing and then everyone else. I got complimented on my dad joke.
I’m not dad, I’m just baked.
The doctor told him to try icing it.
He kept using the carpool tunnel!
A bird that dont give a hoot.
The doctor said “quit your belly aching”
In a blister pack.
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...
Because it was a little horse.
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...
A little hoarse.
Hoarse
Hoarse!
A little hoarse
A little hoarse.
A lil 'hoarse'
A little horse
Would you say it was a little hoarse
A little horse
