Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer

For good clean fun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theblakeness
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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So is stealing someone’s coffee classified as mugging?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SexyStingy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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There is some important criteria for an animal to be classified as a grizzly...

if all of it applies to the animal, it fulfills the bear minimum

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marcoyolofrimig
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
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If a school has a "What happens in the classroom stays in the classroom" policy. Would you say the information has then been CLASSified?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DavinKye
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2017
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My daughter asked me what "classified" means.

I said, "I can't tell you."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musicguy1982
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
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Why are koalas not classified as bears?

They don't meet the koala-fications.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/caughtBoom
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
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I called the paper to put in an ad, but couldn't tell the lady about it because it was classified.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2014
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My favorite joke off all time could be classified as a dad joke.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I am schizophrenic and so am I.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SMYTAITY
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2014
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How to classify jets
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheQuailEmperor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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How do you classify the anti-vaccination movement?

Crippling Issue

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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How does the Library of Fungus classify its collection?

The Mildewey Decimal System.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gddrtkkv
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
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The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.

I was crushed by the news.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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They moved the penis museum from Iceland to Denmark.

They classified it as a dick move.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darr1ss
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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What does the zoologist do after he classifies animals?

Phylum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TapTapBam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2015
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I'm not sure what classifies as a dad joke but here goes nothing

...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tlitzler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2016
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My boyfriend is gonna be a great dad one day.

I saw him picking up a quarter off the floor.

I said to him, "Is that where you keep all your quarters? That makes a lot of sense."

He says, "Yeah, 25 cents." then laughed for 5 minutes to himself, then kept laughing about it sporadically throughout the day.

Edit: I just wanna say thanks to my s/o /u/rainbowdongs for being so hilarious. <3 Happy anniversary! Love you!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cruelhag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2014
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Dad joked by control systems prof

When asked why he always wears a checkered shirt he replied "I like to wear grid patterns so I always look like I'm plotting something"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComicSansofTime
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2014
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Why don't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where home is.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/d4hm3r
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2016
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Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean

It’s now classified as an in-continent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theedjman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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Dadjoked my roommate

Roommate: "She waited for me for 2 years, but then we broke up. Now she's married to a guy named Craig."

Me: "Did they meet on Craigslist?"

Groans and laughter ensued. If people laughed maybe it wasn't quite daddy enough.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ericbm2
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2015
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Dad told me a joke about immortality

it never gets old.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gregtheomniscient
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2017
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I saw a shovel murder on the news.

They classified it as groundbreaking news.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCure__
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
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At the dinner table my sister told me our cousin was getting seperated...

My dad: Yeah shes getting her limbs torn off...

Not sure if its classified as a dad joke but my dad couldnt stop laughing at his own joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OOpiumBear
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
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My wife got me good

So we recently moved from the desert to the coast. The house we moved in to is just up the street from the what we call the bay, everyone else calls the river, but in reality should probably be classified as a sound.

well while exploring the area, we were taking in all the sights and sounds and smells and wildlife. The dialogue went something like this.

me: look at all the trees and birds and seagulls

wife: and bagels

me: .................bagels? where do you see bagels? looks around for truck or store of some kind

wife: the bagels

me: wtf are you......i hate you

Edit: since people don't seem to get it. Baygull

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πŸ‘€︎ u/otp1144
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2017
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Me and my SO went too Lapland, she said something reminds her of back home (the UK).

I replied "it must be the rain dear".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghost_Brain
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2014
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A horrible joke I made today

(I'm not even actually a dad, its just a dad-joke, and even then its horrible, I don't even know if it should be classified as a dad joke!)

So I was in history class today and the girl behind me said " There is something in me shoe"

I responded with: "Its probably your foot"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrkruler
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2014
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They say you are what you eat

Can anyone give me a list of foods classified as "rich?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2017
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Someone witnessed a mime killing someone at a cafe earlier today...

He was classified as silent but deadly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LynkzKross
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2017
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