Cheery Bowel Syndrome
Angry Bowel Syndrome
Naive Bowel Syndrome (right before you have Taco Bell)
The list is endless and frightening
Or as they called it, toot in common.
Nah man you’re just full of shit
A gas electric hybrid.
Nobody wanted to draw his iron.
"It's a site for sore eyes."
It’s gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.
...to be fair, we were warned by the nurses that he was known to have very little patients.
He was being a reel crank.
“Woah, woah, doc,” I said, “Let’s not make any rash decisions.”
...a coal-lossal mistake!
An ant named seg is trying to reach its anthill
A girl tries to irritate it by putting a glass over it. secant she how tangent is getting. i guess it will diameter before it reaches its anthill. it would be pretty sad for its family though, as segment a lot to them. We could just say, it couldn't escape it's circle of life. well, after his untimely death, his family has arranged a funeral for him and chordiallly invited all its relatives.
My doctor calls it Irritable Pal Syndrome.
Not everyone has a method to their madness.
Because they're jalapeño face!
Because it has a sandy bottom.
It just doesn't make scents.
I said, "Can I please just shower in peace?"
She replied, "I have a bag in the freezer if you want some."
I stonefaced her but it brought a tear to me eye, she's gonna be such a good dad. ^(Explanation ^since ^I ^know ^someone ^will ^ask: ^peace ^sounds ^like ^peas)
I guess this makes me his carbuncle.
Someone holding the door for you.
If anything its eyeitating me.
So I texted back: "Looks like you boarded the air-PLAIN.."
She didn't text me again.
Wife: "Would you PLEASE help look for molasses?" Me: "Sure. Find me a mole and I'll show you where his ass is."
Blank stare of death.
He said, "I don't care too much for Monet. Monet can't buy me love."
Story time:
So over the holiday, while visiting my mom, she asked me to run and pick up some groceries she had on her shopping list. So of course, I pack up my kids and we are off to the store. As I am perusing the juice aisle, my daughter squeals, "ELSA!!!!" Sure enough, there was Elsa, on the label of a bottle of apple juice. I thought, "Apple juice is on the list and it will make my daughter happy? Boom getting it!" Fast forward to putting groceries away at my mom's house.
Mom: "Did you get everything on my list?"
Me: "Yes mom."
Mom: as I am handing her the Elsa apple juice "Oh I wanted you to get the frozen apple juice"
Me: my face shifting from a look of irritation to a stupid-cheesy smirk "That IS Frozen apple juice..."
Mom: fighting the urge to smack me while rolling her eyes "OMG."
...so I grabbed my ear and began moving it in circles. She asked what the heck I was doing, and I told her I was ear-rotating. I got an eye roll and a punch for that one
Vietnam, its very Hannoying
"My spine, It holds me back."
My girlfriend and I were talking and she goes "I put in a new earring this morning, but had to take it out because it got irritated." Naturally I replied "do you mean ear-ritated?" She didn't laugh, but I did, so who's the real winner?
I think I have irritable bowl syndrome
He has irritable vowel syndrome
Turns out I have Irritable Vowel Syndrome.
I’ve still no idea
Having dinner with fiancé and parents, sausages, mash, vegetables. Delicious.
Fiancé sits down with her dinner, my Dad asks her why she doesn't have broccoli?
Her: "I can't eat it with irritable bowel"
Me: "you should eat it with carrots like the rest of us"
Uncle and Dad laughed, everyone else stopped forks halfway to mouths.
Me: {swatting angrily} These bugs are irritating!
SO: Are they... "Bugging" you?
Me: No! They are driving me nuts!
SO: They are driving you... "gnats"?
Me: GOD DAMN IT!!!
Me: You can come by at 6 today. Very little patients today.
Boyfriend: What happened to the normal sized patients?
Irritable howl syndrome.
Doctor says I have irritable vowel syndrome.
