My wife hates it when I wash delicates on the casual setting...

She gets too agitated.

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👤︎ u/bb5x24
📅︎ Apr 16 2020
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A friend asked me for a delicately infused hot drink.

So I gave him a subtlety.

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👤︎ u/E420CDI
📅︎ Aug 21 2020
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I was gonna be a baker

But I couldn't raise the dough.

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📅︎ Mar 12 2019
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I used to own a combination lingerie store / sandwich shop.

It was called Delicate Essence.

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📅︎ Sep 13 2019
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old maths teacher joke

Our teacher used to love that joke - 25 years ago...

.

A veteran maths teacher on a crap state-paid salary leaves his local mall and heads for his battered old car. When he has nearly reached it, he sees a big, expensive, luxury vehicle pulling into a parking spot nearby, and when the driver gets out he recognises him as one of the stupidest students he ever had.

He approaches him and the two get chating; and it turns out the guy buys and sells specialised cardboard-boxes which companies use to ship delicate goods in.

Finally the teacher says: "You really seem to have done well for yourself. I must admit that I am a bit surprised. Because you never really were all that talented in shool, were you?"

And the guy smiles and answers: "Yes, well, you know, there is not that much too it, really. I buy cardboard boxes for 1 dollar a piece, and I sell them for 4 dollars a piece. And I live off that 3% profit margin."

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👤︎ u/Scrugulus
📅︎ Aug 24 2017
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My grandfather just killed it

So for some reason while playing dominos we started talking about doing laundry and my grandmother says she always uses dryer sheets except for her delicates and bras and that she hangs them... trying to be funny my little brother said why would you HAAAANG them? And my grandma starts to reply seriously right as my grandfather cuts in and said "they committed a couple hold ups"

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📅︎ Dec 27 2013
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Proceed with caution: joking about wife's butt.

Wife: (commenting on the state of her posterior, obviously a delicate topic) "It wouldn't be attractive if I had a 100% muscular butt: it's a good thing I make a little layer of fat to smooth it out and make me look feminine."

Me: "Well, you never do anything half-assed."

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👤︎ u/Vesvvi
📅︎ Aug 31 2014
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