Sensitive Puns

They'll be really upset that I told you.

They always let out a little wine.

He takes things personally.

A crisis

She said, “What the hell are these?”

I said, “It’s the little things that count.”

That would mean a banana tree is a nuclear plant.

Because they take things personally.

I'm still an asshole

'Em Oceans

I called it Nonsenseodyne.

... but nowadays, when someone gets Botox, nobody raises an eyebrow!

Vulner.

That was the last straw.

The pianist.

"I won't offend it then"

I think you could hear my eyes rolling.

So I leaned in real close to it and whispered, "You're doing good, little guy. I believe in you."

I said to her "maybe your skin should find a safe corner"

Dad: "Hey let's go eat at that new restaurant over there"

Unsuspecting victim: "It's not new, the sign says 'Serving delicious food since 1923'"

Dad: "Yeah, that was only... dramatically looks at watch... 24 minutes ago!"

Because it sounded like a "Caw Caw Phony".

Family was discussing how my brother's ex-girlfriend's grandmother is being transported to RI to be buried after passing away in Florida.

Me: Isn't it sorta weird... you know.. that there could be a dead person flying in a plane en route to Rhode Island.

Dad: No, not really. I'd say the guy she was sitting next to would be the only one a little creeped out.

They'll probably be very upset I told you.

He takes things personally.