Dad's son's joke...

Once upon a time, there was a dad and he was very well known at gatherings with his witty humor and painful puns.

Then his son came along, and very quickly picked up on dad's gifts but he used them on the internet instead.

Dad mused for a minute, and said it must be heredditary...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.

However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.

πŸ‘︎ 333
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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saw a girl with a tattoo of a tree on her breast, seems like it would be painful...

wooden tit?

πŸ‘︎ 189
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaaaasowenyaaa
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
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No pain, no gain
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WetSoggyTaco
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
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My circumcision was so painful...

I didn't walk for an entire year

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LetsG0T0Class
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
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My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"A TOE TRUCK!!??"

πŸ‘︎ 260
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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I just found out that cats are always in pain

Thats why they say Me Ow

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Light-Insight
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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Are cats always in pain?

Because they’re always going me-ow

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zortor
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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A good clean joke for you.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inspectorPK
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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This pun is so painful maybe that's why it's on a window pane
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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I was out on a safari when i saw this big, fat, grey animal limping painfully toward a muddy pond. I asked the tour guide if it was injured...

He said, "No, it's just a hip-hurt-potamus"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pthelynese
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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I went in to get a checkup for severe pain near my belly and the doctor said "You have acute appendicitis". And I said..

Thanks, but I was looking for a treatment, not a compliment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sanehussain
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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The fish in my fish tank seem to be fatigued and in constant pain.

I think it is fibromyalgae.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/earth_humanoid
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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Why did the person with muscle pain put their doctor through a Soda Stream?

Because they needed to see a fizzier therapist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lukestoney
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
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When someone calls you a pain in the neck..

They really mean you’re a pain in the assophagus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roctuplets
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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You get no pain...

When you run out of bread in France

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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A bread demon would bring a lot of pain.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheManNamedT
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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The french revolution was kind of a pain in the neck, but once it was over it was a weight off of some people's shoulders
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.

I am worried she won’t be able to pull it off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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What do you call a dinosaur that’s in pain after sitting down for too long?

A Sore arse-saurus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Music_Phasic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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i went to the chiropractor with back pain, i didn't think it was that bad. he looked at me and said i have scoliosis, and he fixed me!

i now stand corrected

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhoaSoup
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids.

When I got home, they were still there.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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What’s better than pain?

Pain au chocolat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconCaviar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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I'm having frequent pains lately.

It really Hertz

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kellogs_cereal2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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Neck pain
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breckendusk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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My co-workers and I would suffer from wrist pain when we would drive through a mountain on our way to work together

We were diagnosed with carpool tunnel syndrome

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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I had pain my knees, but with the help of my doctor, I feel better.

It was a joint effort.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/refward
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My French friend said β€œHELP! I’m in pain!”

Now I just need to get him out of that loaf

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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If it's good day you say good morning. If it's a bad day you say good mourning.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marchomp
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2021
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My wife screamed in pain during labour so I asked, "What's wrong?". She screamed. "These contractions are going to kill me!!"

"I am sorry, honey." I replied. "What is wrong?"

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sexxc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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Life is Pain
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πŸ‘€︎ u/digdilem
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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Who does Mr. Salt go to when he has back pain?

Dr. Pepper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodEveningItsAsa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What is T-Pain's favorite piece of clothing?

A T-shirt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobinH0od2020
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I used to think diabetes was a pain in the butt

But it turns out to be more of a pain the the fingers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Epic_Mustache
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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I went to the Med school library to get a book on abdominal pain

Someone had already ripped the appendix out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naj_md
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the horse always in pain?

Because his name was Charlie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fuzzysox25
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What do the French do after buying bread?

They Bag-itt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
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If Hermes was the messenger god, the he sure was lucky not to have met the god of pain and old age...

Arthrites.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elliptical_orbit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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It was so painful having to put my pet dog down today.

I might have to get my back checked out.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yellgames01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
The pain! It hertz!
πŸ‘︎ 415
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sam_3205
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife went into labor today, so I read the front page of /r/DadJokes to her as a distraction from the pain. Unfortunately, she didn’t laugh once, was clearly not amused and I have no idea why...

It must have been the delivery...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are there no pain killers in the jungle?

because the parrots eat em all

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VanillaxBear
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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An abusement park
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πŸ‘€︎ u/qduriani
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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"Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing." I said to my wife.

She said, "Wear your own then, dickhead."

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"

πŸ‘︎ 179
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain.

I’m really worried she won’t be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 121
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report

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