Dad's son's joke...
Once upon a time, there was a dad and he was very well known at gatherings with his witty humor and painful puns.
Then his son came along, and very quickly picked up on dad's gifts but he used them on the internet instead.
Dad mused for a minute, and said it must be heredditary...
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
saw a girl with a tattoo of a tree on her breast, seems like it would be painful...
My circumcision was so painful...
I didn't walk for an entire year
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
I just found out that cats are always in pain
Are cats always in pain?
Because they’re always going me-ow
A good clean joke for you.
This pun is so painful maybe that's why it's on a window pane
I was out on a safari when i saw this big, fat, grey animal limping painfully toward a muddy pond. I asked the tour guide if it was injured...
He said, "No, it's just a hip-hurt-potamus"
I went in to get a checkup for severe pain near my belly and the doctor said "You have acute appendicitis". And I said..
Thanks, but I was looking for a treatment, not a compliment.
The fish in my fish tank seem to be fatigued and in constant pain.
I think it is fibromyalgae.
Why did the person with muscle pain put their doctor through a Soda Stream?
Because they needed to see a fizzier therapist.
When someone calls you a pain in the neck..
They really mean you’re a pain in the assophagus
You get no pain...
When you run out of bread in France
A bread demon would bring a lot of pain.
The french revolution was kind of a pain in the neck, but once it was over it was a weight off of some people's shoulders
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I am worried she won’t be able to pull it off.
What do you call a dinosaur that’s in pain after sitting down for too long?
i went to the chiropractor with back pain, i didn't think it was that bad. he looked at me and said i have scoliosis, and he fixed me!
I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids.
When I got home, they were still there.
I'm having frequent pains lately.
My co-workers and I would suffer from wrist pain when we would drive through a mountain on our way to work together
We were diagnosed with carpool tunnel syndrome
I had pain my knees, but with the help of my doctor, I feel better.
My French friend said “HELP! I’m in pain!”
Now I just need to get him out of that loaf
If it's good day you say good morning. If it's a bad day you say good mourning.
My wife screamed in pain during labour so I asked, "What's wrong?". She screamed. "These contractions are going to kill me!!"
"I am sorry, honey." I replied. "What is wrong?"
Who does Mr. Salt go to when he has back pain?
What is T-Pain's favorite piece of clothing?
I used to think diabetes was a pain in the butt
But it turns out to be more of a pain the the fingers.
I went to the Med school library to get a book on abdominal pain
Someone had already ripped the appendix out.
Why was the horse always in pain?
Because his name was Charlie.
What do the French do after buying bread?
If Hermes was the messenger god, the he sure was lucky not to have met the god of pain and old age...
It was so painful having to put my pet dog down today.
I might have to get my back checked out.
My wife went into labor today, so I read the front page of /r/DadJokes to her as a distraction from the pain. Unfortunately, she didn’t laugh once, was clearly not amused and I have no idea why...
It must have been the delivery...
Why are there no pain killers in the jungle?
because the parrots eat em all
"Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing." I said to my wife.
She said, "Wear your own then, dickhead."
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain.
I’m really worried she won’t be able to pull it off.
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