Be careful: if you keep making these terrible puns...

...you could get be charged with 'assault with a dad-ly weapon'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I dropped the perfect terrible pun at work last winter...

So there were 6 of us...

With freezing rain pouring down on us at the end of a long work day, and in the middle of a daunting task- pulling underground cables, linking four transformers together (a task where something goes wrong about 50% of the time)

There is a jet line (pulling line) attached to the head of the cable being ran, and as we are nearing completion I hear my foreman (standing at the endpoint) yell "THE JET LINE IS FRAYING!!!".

Without pause I scream back "I was a FRAYED this would happen!"

The tension on the line ceases, and I look around and see 5 blank expressions just staring back at me.

Best day of my comedic life

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
5 Terrible Puns
  1. It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

  2. If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… Guardian of the Galaxy

  3. I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

  4. I Googled β€œHow to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.

  5. I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/punsdaily
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
We may not be able to seat you inside just now but we can supply some terrible puns.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Terrible Pun (Don't Read It)

Oh yeah, I'm a gamer. A gay Mercedes.

(Gay means happy too!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anonymous-Dude1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
terrible editing but equally terrible pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PawnToG4
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I love drawing terrible puns.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randyotter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2016
🚨︎ report
Just came up with two terrible puns

A friend and I got into a debate about what the best medieval weapon was. He said it was the warhammer while I said it was the mace. Our argument got so heated that we haven't talked to each other in five days. Talk about blunt force drama.

I was walking down the street when a man threw a jar of mayonnaise at me. I turned around and shouted, "What the Hellman?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UltimaBahamut93
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
🚨︎ report
One Instagram caption, eight terrible puns. imgur.com/VSfsNPf
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Individual4815
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2015
🚨︎ report
And I thought I told terrible puns...

I was out shopping with my dad looking to buy a wedding gift. While I'm waiting in line to make my purchase, a woman set down her purchase (about twenty binders) next to my gift on the conveyer belt. Naturally my dad questioned her bizarre purchase, to which she responded that she desperately need to organize her documents. Without missing a beat, he grinned and exclaimed, "Well I guess you were in quite a bind!"

The lady actually had quite a laugh, whereas I groaned and grumbled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hambungler
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2015
🚨︎ report
I cook and clean for my family on the condition that they put up with my terrible puns...

...it's the dadliest catch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phredgreen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2016
🚨︎ report
I found some really terrible puns yesterday.

Most of them were already torn away by the time I'd gotten to 'em!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearinthegarden14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Even back then, I made terrible puns youtube.com/watch?v=d5esy…
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2016
🚨︎ report
Random terrible puns I came up with using (some of) the 50 States
  • Alaska girl out when the times right
  • Arkansas right? (Ar Can Saw right?)
  • I’ll California
  • He’s gonna Florida car!
  • Iowa lot of money right now
  • He was in a state of Missouri for the past few days
  • He’s the Maine character of the book
  • Mind Washington dishes tonight?
  • Can I get a Minnesota with my burger?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GodofWar1234
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Merry Christmas, Reddit. Here is a terrible pun.

Why did F get coal for Christmas? Because it was not E.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Archagent
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2012
🚨︎ report
These are terrible puns ipfs.pics/QmfMPCY8StECurX…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dachewie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Not a dad yet, but I can feel the terrible puns trying to break free.

Tried a new pillow last night and when I woke up today my wife asked me if I thought it was comfortable enough. "It has it's fluffs and downs" I said. Much eye rolling was had.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GazelleThree
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2014
🚨︎ report
My new thesaurus is terrible.

Not only that, but it’s also terrible.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LayThatPipe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Not only is my short term memory terrible...

...but so is my short term memory.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I know I have a terrible stutter, but I would like to introduce you to the lady who cuts my hair

This is Ba ba ba ba barber Anne.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhatProtomolecule
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife says I’m terrible at finishing things after I’ve started them.

I don’t know what

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πŸ‘€︎ u/saucyminnow
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are chemists so terrible at telling Dad jokes?

Because all the good ones argon already.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Dad: β€œ... and if I’m being frank you are acting terrible about it”

Child: β€œ if you are being frank who is being dad?”

Actual conversation I heard in the store

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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I went to a restaurant, and the service was terrible. Plus they ran out of utensils.

I decided never to go back because they had zero forks to give.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bgva
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Our captain is a terrible tour guide

He’s always telling people to come on bored

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πŸ‘€︎ u/saucyminnow
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
🚨︎ report
My French uncle Francois was a TERRIBLE father.

He was a real faux Pa.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
If you ever need someone who's terrible at hiding

You know where I am.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhoElseButAlf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I definitely feel like we didn't prepare enough for all of last year's terrible events.

But then, hindsight is always 2020.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Oman! You’re about to read some terrible stuff.

β€œI live in Spain without the β€˜s’”.

This inspired me to come up with some truly terrible country-related jokes.

It’s about to Bahrain jokes without the β€œBah”.

  1. I have a double China without the β€œa”.

  2. Some people have told me that I look a lot like a German without the β€œan”.

  3. Oman, I think that one conspiracy about Israel Israel.

  4. You all probably want to hit me with Japan without the β€œJ”.

  5. You probably can’t Kuwait to stop reading these without the β€œKu”.

  6. Nowadays, car companies are focusing on making electric cars, but I Madagascar.

  7. As you’ve probably guessed, I don’t even have one Nepal without the β€œNe”.

All of these bad jokes made me Hungary so Iran to the nearest shop to get some food. Why am I always India-r need of food?

I sincerely apologise, fellow people. These jokes probably left a painful Denmark on your souls without the β€œDen”, of course.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anipanreads
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I was terrible at spelling when I was at school.

Brilliant at jography though.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I was going to tell my friend a terrible bowling joke

But then I spared him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slightedninja
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My uncle was in a terrible accident, and lost the entire left side of his body.

He's all right, now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
I had a terrible fight with my left ear.

And that was the last time I heard from it.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pifgig
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
These Jokes are terrible. Do you know what is more terrible?

Paper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kaaletram
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
What do Winnie the Pooh, Alexander the Great, and Ivan the Terrible have in common?

They all have the same middle name.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoValiant
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I had a fight with my wife the other day about my terrible sense of direction.

I just packed my bags and right.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImaCowBRO
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are KKK members terrible car mechanics?

They never check under the hood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/morsodo99
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend who is a panda makes a terrible father

Because all he does is eats, shoots and leaves

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adam14brfc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend told me I did a terrible Elvis impression

I replied "Thank you, thank you very much."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/borna761
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Ghosts are terrible liars

You can see right through them

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/infinitywee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was Cinderella terrible at football?

Because she kept running away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nCRedditor-21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...

Over a million soles were lost.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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People on Tinder must be terrible at basketball.

Everyone on there says they love traveling.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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My brother lost his left arm and left leg in a terrible auto accident.

He is all right, now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/numberthu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
This sucks, 2022 is going to be terrible

Because 2022 is 2020, too

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigboyssmalltoys
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report

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