Stephan Pastis never stops delivering wicked puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rullknufs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2015
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A man, cursed by a wicked genie, goes to the local prophet for help.

The prophet hands him a six sided piece of paper. Confused, the man asks how it's supposed to help him. "Simple," the prophet says, "it's a hex a gon."

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when she extracted metal from ore?

I’m smelting!!

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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Wicked new DJ
πŸ‘︎ 123
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EstusFiend
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
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What do wicked chickens lay?

Deviled eggs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ravenwarrior131
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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Got a wicked sting

The devil is in the bee tails

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πŸ‘€︎ u/riz_lemon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2018
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What American city has a lot of wicked people?

Sinsinnati

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
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What did the tree say to his wife after a wicked burn.

Don't leaf I was only kindling.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/8bitsnowman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2016
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Tom's Swifties... Wicked.

"There are no two's in this deck." Tom de-deuced. "You're burning the candle from both ends." Tom said wickedly. "I dropped my toothpaste." Tom said Crestfallen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goboatmen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2012
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My mom mentioned that the play Wicked is going to be playing nearby.

Mom- considering 3 of the 4 of us like Wicked and the other hasn't seen it before... Me- How wicked of you. Rest of family- Hardy har har

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JarheadHMEH
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2014
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Wicked dad joke... in print form trifectaeditions.com/?pro…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/enagrom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2013
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Sometimes John Wick likes to kill quietly.

He piano reaves.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neopera
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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John Wick
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheShivanKing
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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Watching John Wick 2 the other night. While Keanu and Common are fighting while both holding the knife the tables turn and Keanu flips the knife around and thrusts it into Commons chest...again while both holding the grip. To which I turn to to my family and say

At least the both have something "in" common.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoiSINNEDsoul73
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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John Wick said to the ninja, β€œBet ya can’t hit me with that thing!?”

Ninja replies, β€œShuriken”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/great_red_dragon
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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John Wick 4: Keanu Leaves home
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Death_Killer183
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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What does John Wick do after people die?

Keanu grieves.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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There once was a beautiful, snowy kingdom.

It was ruled by a fair king who joyfully ruled his land. Unfortunately, the kingdom was also home to a wicked thief who loved nothing more than causing mayhem for all the inhabitants of the land.

However, the thief was not your ordinary thief. He only stole bells. Any kind of bell, whether a tiny bell from a kitten’s collar, all the way up to the bell from the king’s royal bell tower.

When the king awoke one morning, the bell tower’s bell was missing. The king, being brave and noble, decided to follow the thief back to his lair. He chose four of his most loyal soldiers, mounted his horse, and rode off into the snowy woods, following the footprints left behind on the ground.

Soon, he and his soldiers arrived to a clearing in the woods. In front of them was a large, bell-shaped building. They found the thief’s lair!Pointing to the recent tracks left in the snow by the thief, the king announced to the soldiers,

β€œLook! The Fresh Prints to Bell Lair!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddit_reddit03
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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John Wick 3 - Parabellum's sequel is called...

John Wick 4 - Hyperbellum

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invaderz_in
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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The producers of John Wick 3 should come out with a line of promotional sented bathroom candles.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xilban
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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What does John Wick get told on a Saturday night?

Wick's almost over :/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Redpiki
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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John Wick is a truly special love story

He has a real thing for candles

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πŸ‘€︎ u/air28uk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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What is the name of the assassin that only kills candles?

John Wick

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsthatbrownguy91
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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Pickle Wick imgur.com/a/wVLHN
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2017
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I'm really enjoying this line of scented bathroom candles Keanu Reeves is selling

I'm a fan of John Wicks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/qmechan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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I was watching John Wick with my girlfriend last night.

She had seen it before and I was a bit confused.

"Is Willem Dafoe in this movie?...Or is he Da-friend?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pwnius22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2017
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My friend had a table candle featuring glitter and 100 fibrous bundles to light...

It was pretty wicked!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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While watching John Wick 2

Scene: down pouring and John is sitting in his destroyed house completely dry

Bf:why is he not wet? There is no roof!

Me: because he wicks the water away stares at bf with huge smile on my face

Bf: shut the fuck up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madencholy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2017
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They should make a film series about a guy who uses candles as weapons.

Call it John Wick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhodesrugger
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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Why did the candle quit her job?

She was too burnt out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImHungry321
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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good movies

Wife: The movie was good, it made me cry

few days later we watch John Wick.

Me: What did you think of the move

Wife: it was really good

Me: So you really cried?

Wife: ..... (glare)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crypticsage
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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John Month

Is the title of the 4th John Wick movie.

1 month = 4 Wicks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/molekyul
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Dadjoked my dad

My dad was having a hard time deciding if he should let his new mattress pad air out before putting it on his bed. I said "Well, why don't you sleep on it?".

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mariyahyfr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2014
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what is a candles favorite movie

jhon wick

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Parker_E_Koch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Who is the most dangerous candle in the world?

John Wick

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackVendaeta
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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Why was Keanu Reeves called β€˜breathtaking’?

Because he killed a lot of people in John Wick!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kpax
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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Why is it hard to find a leopard in Africa?

They don't want to be spotted

πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chrisl789
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2015
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What is the best resource to learn how to make candles?

Wick-ipedia

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokesig
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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Flies

Back when I was maybe 14, I was sitting out on the front porch of my grandmother's house with "the guys," AKA my cousin, his dad/my uncle, and my dad. It was wickedly hot and there were a few annoying flies buzzing around. We were just sitting quietly, taking in the afternoon. Out of nowhere, my uncle, a big guy with a deep, gravelly voice says, "Time's fun when you're having flies." The rest of us were in stitches, it was so clever and dumb at the same time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wafflesareforever
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2017
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What do you call a candle with guns?

John Wick

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iheart_guitar
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
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Groaner at work! Irene? No, Icene

Dealing with home services and customers, need to check ID. Routine ID check and I though the customer's name was Irene so I say "Ok Irene, let's get into your account here..."

Icene: "It's Icene"
Me: "Oh wow, really? double checks ID Wow! That's wicked, I've never heard that name before that's really interesting!"
pause
Me: "Well... I guess, now Icene it."

Icene groans, and my coworker and his customer start laughing, and I couldn't help but smile :D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TEAdown
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2014
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Who invented ketchup?

Heinzstein

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jibbist
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2015
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Their romance started by candlelight.

But it only lasted a wick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IdoDeLether
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2015
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Dad joked my gf at a chineese restaurant today.

Our very hot Wonton soup was served to us and we both recoiled at the first sip because it nearly burned our mouths.

Gf: This soup is really hot.

Me ::wicked smile:: Would you say it was Soup-er hot?

Groans were had and for the fifty millionth time, she threatened to leave me with a smile on her face.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarge-Pepper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2014
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