Terrible Dad Joke Puns

You become full groan

Me: That’s.....a novel idea.

Groanhenge

me: "She's getting married in Jamaica."

him: "Did she want to?"

Me: confused look

him: Or did jamaica?

Every single punchline is 'week'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qdi_yp9FA-I

4 minutes long.

Prepare to cry.

Walking through the mall.... They have a show model of a Buick that they are selling, sitting outside the food court...

My dad..everytime...without fail.....

"Would ja look at the parking spot THEY got!!!"

My father and I were talking about Standing Rock and he says to me "It is such a shame what they are doing to those poor people, I had a Native American friend back when I worked a summer repairing light fixtures, his name was Many Hands." It took me a second to notice the shit eating grin on his face, I already knew I was going to have to hold my nose and flee the room when he says, "You know, because Many Hands makes light work."

After seeing Taken:

"Taken? More like this movie has taken all my money!"

After seeing Final destination 5:

"Final Destination? More like, My Final destination is out of the movie theater!"

"Wanna know what my favorite part of the movie was? The credits!"

"The back of my eyelids were more entertaining than that movie."

After telling him about a Slayer concert:

"Slayer? More like, this band is gonna slay all my money!"

After telling him my favorite musical genre is heavy metal:

"Well, i hate heavy metal. I can never lift it!"

These are just a few

Wife: Why do you have to add extra words to sentences all the time?

Me: Because complete sentences make sense.

W: I didn't know I could get paid for talking!

M: Huh?

W: Complete sentences make "cents!"

Folks, don't let your wives make Dad Jokes.

So my dad is really into the meaning of our names and he likes to tell everyone about it. I have a sister named Aebra and he tells this awful joke about how they named her after Abraham took off the ham to make it kosher. Insert groan.

Me: It's probably not good for me to play soccer with a stuffed nose.

Dad: no it's snot.

My brother was talking about his new torque wrench, and my dad says "You should be careful with that", and, as we all glare at him, waiting for the punchline, he says, "Didn't Miley Cyrus get in trouble for torque-ing?"

"Did you hear my joke about the Indian chief's wives?"

The first wife lived in a hut made of deer hide, and bore him one son.

The second wife lived in a hut made of bear hide, and bore him one son.

The third wife lived in a hut of hippopotamus skin and bore him twin sons.

"Thus the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of two hides!"

A fucking mad lib on the Pythagorean theorem. I'm pissed. He's so happy. Love you dad.