I have a horrific fear of elevators

I’ve started taking steps to avoid them

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👤︎ u/Tubergod1
📅︎ Dec 21 2020
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I awoke this morning to a horrific stench coming from my daughter's crib. /r/TwoSentenceHorror/comm…
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👤︎ u/kevjonesin
📅︎ Jan 01 2021
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Did you ever hear of the horrific cow massacre of 1999?

It was an udder disaster

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📅︎ Aug 12 2019
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My country just had a horrific civil war.

We won.

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👤︎ u/DJOK9R
📅︎ Apr 27 2019
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Did you hear about that scientist who brought himself to absolute zero in a horrific lab accident?

Don't worry. He was 0K.

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📅︎ Jun 29 2017
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I apologise if this isn't allowed.

New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.

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📅︎ Nov 16 2020
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A truck overturned this morning spilling cabbage all over the highway.

It was horrific! I slaw it happen!

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👤︎ u/dogtarget
📅︎ Sep 11 2020
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There once was a man who would buy tons of buckets of roofing sealant, change the label then resell them.

Sometimes he would simply rename the brand. Sometimes he would name it a different product entirely. In a few horrific instances he repackaged it as food products. Eventually he was found, arrested, and brought to court. And though he admitted to doing all those things, he insisted that he had done nothing illegal and that moreover, his actions were protected by the law and the Constitution. His reasoning?

"I have the right to rename sealant!!!"

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📅︎ Jul 29 2020
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I've just heard that the Japanese have made ice cream that tastes like instant noodles...

They're calling it ramen raisin.

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👤︎ u/AquiIae
📅︎ Nov 18 2015
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Not sure if this fits the mold, but I am a dad and I like it...

So 3 explorers were captured by the king of a pacific island. One explorer was from Paris, one was from London, and one was from New York. The island king told them that they were all going to be killed, and that their skins would be used to make canoes. The king gave them a choice as to how they would die.

The explorer from Paris chose to be killed by a guillotine, and they cut off his head.

The explorer from London chose to be killed by a gun, and they shot him in the head.

The explorer from New York chose to be killed by a fork. The island kind was confused. He didn't know what to do with the fork, so he gave it to the explorer from New York. The guy immediately starts stabbing himself all over with the fork. There is blood everywhere and it's a horrific scene. The dismayed island king asks the explorer from New York what the hell he's doing, and the New Yorker replies...

FUCK YOU AND YOUR GOD-DAMN CANOE.

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👤︎ u/nimble2
📅︎ Sep 14 2017
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there is a serious lack of possible bear puns, can any of you think of more?

The problem with bears as a pun topic is that there are only 6 possible puns and most of them are stretches.

  1. bear double meaning with tolerate

  2. pandanother thing

  3. grizzly double meaning with horrific

4)kodiak double meaning with camera

5)koalalifications

6)and Ursidae the family classification can be shortened to sound like ursa and be used instead of "or so" like in the phrase "or so i was told".

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📅︎ Sep 28 2012
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Finals of the national trivia quiz in Foodlandia.

Foodlandia is a country where every city is named after a food and every city has a guild to represent it in competitions and such.

It was the finals of the national city vs. city trivia quiz and the two remaining contestants were guilds from Curry City and Pasta City.

The final question was "Which is the most popular pet in Foodlandia?". Each city's guild put their answer in a sealed envelope and they were stored for the next days big reveal.

On the next morning the officials went to retrieve the envelopes and they found a horrific sight, a dead spy from Pasta City and in his hand an opened envelope with a paper inside that read "Curry City Guild: The Cat".

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👤︎ u/Dralnu22
📅︎ Apr 30 2017
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Pulled this one on my brother.

My brother and I were driving through a horrific downpour to go to the local archery range. When we get there we discover that the range is closed. My brother states "well I guess we will have to take a rain check" I then look up at the sky and say "yup it's raining alright."

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👤︎ u/dantonV
📅︎ Jan 15 2014
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