Because there's not a single person there
Ps. I wasn't invited either
I told her because she is a pessimist.
Because of all the recycled material on this sub.
One. Because after that itβs not empty anymore.
One has nose cones and the other has no scones.
There was literally nothing Dubai.
..."No, Ken do"
Because they don't have pockets.
It's half empty.
She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.
Therapist: A void?
Me: Thatβs good advice. Thanks.
My dad: "People must be dying to get in."
But now heβs glue tin free.
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
He doesn't see the bartender behind the bar so figures he must be back in the stockroom. As the man walks across the floor he hears a quiet voice say....."nice pants!"
He looks around but sees no one, there are no other people in the bar. He shrugs it off and keeps moving towards the bar.
Then he hears....."your hair looks great!"
Again, he looks around but doesn't see anyone. A little freaked out, he takes a seat at the bar and hears....."I like your tie!"
At that moment, the bartender emerges from the back room and asks "howdy sir, what can I get you?"
The man replies "well, I'll have a whiskey, but I have to tell you the strangest thing has happened to me since I walked in. I keep hearing some voice that keeps saying nice things about me. I must really need that drink I guess."
The bartender smiles and says "ahh, don't worry about it, that happens sometimes, it's probably just the peanuts".
"The peanuts?" asked the man, even more confused.
"Yes, the peanuts" explains the bartender.....
"they're complimentary"
:)
Apparently he refused to ever empty the recycle bin.
Theyβre so remarkable!
A hand sani-teaser....
....
....
Because you think you're going to get your hand sanitized, but you don't, cause it's empty, so it's teasing you...
Yeah?
Yeah?
aww....
Itβs half empty
"You need to buy a different size bra!"
When I walked in the place was great, everything was perfect apart from the kitchen. There were gas mains but no cooker! Work surfaces and water pipes, but no sink; empty plugs and spaces for where the fridge and freezer should sit.
When I bought the house I was told it was fully furnished! Furious, I called up intending to give whomever answered an earful.
I was told that everything should be arriving individually, and the house is being used as an experiment for completely autonomous, self thinking kitchen appliances!
Before I could reply there was a knock on the door. I opened it and a stove strolled in, tilted forward in a bow, slid past me and set itself into its spot! Even attaching itself to the gas mains!
Later that day another knock at the door signalled the arrival of the fridge and freezer.(who had travelled together) They bowed and sat themselves perfectly in place in my new kitchen. I was beaming!
That evening I was explaining to my wife how the appliances had arrived, when came another knock at the door. βThis technology is going to change the world, I swear it!β I told her. βCan you answer the door? Iβve been on my feet all dayβ
βYeah,β she replied, less enthusiastic than I,βbut itβll get to a point when humans are completely inferior.β She explained βWhen these machines develop such sentience, whatβs stopping them from overthrowing us?β βTreating us as slaves, like we to them now?β She asked, distraught at theses ideas.
Knock knock
βItβs best not to worry about these things,β I said in an attempt to alleviate her fears.
βThere are people- professionals developing contingencies for any possible future robot uprising!β βThat future youβre frightened about is purely science fiction right now, and the way our collective knowledge and application of technology has advanced, (Even in the past 50 years!) our own scientists and engineers will be able to crush any worries we may have when the time comes.β I explained.
She sighed, agreeing somewhat reluctantly. βDonβt think on it now, have some faith!β I told her.
Knock knock
βNow let that sink in!β
Cents
When he was finished, he looked at the other dog and said, βClean up that mess.β
The other dog sniffed the pile and said, βNope. Thatβs your asphalt!β
Provided that they're worn instead of emptied.
And the pan I need to be able to cook is dirty. The sink was filled with dishes. The dishwasher needed emptied. I emptied the dishwasher and put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher to make enough space to hand wash the pan. It was a cascade situation.
There was once a boy. He was the son of the richest man in the universe. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, he dwarfed them all. He was a multi-trillionaire. Now, it was this boy's birthday. His father asked him,
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. A store full of lego, all the video games in the world, anything. What would you like?"
His son replied.
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one pink ping pong ball."
His father was rather confused by this request. Out of all the things he could've chosen, his son chose a ping pong ball. Nonetheless, he agreed and gave him a pink ping pong ball. His son was overjoyed and spoke to him.
"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong ball?"
"Okay son, go ahead."
The boy then went up to his room and played with his pink ping pong ball. When his father went in the next morning to check on him, the boy was sleeping in his bed and the pink ping pong ball was nowhere to be found.
On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"
His son replied.
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one box full of pink ping pong balls."
His father was again, confused by this. Still, he bought a cardboard box and filled it with ping pong balls. He gave it to his son, who said.
"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong balls?"
The father nodded, and the son went up to his room to play. The next morning when his father went to check, the boy was sleeping peacefully and there were no pink ping pong balls in sight. Just the empty cardboard box in the middle of the room.
On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one truck full of ping pong balls."
Now, by this point, the father was extremely confused. Why did the boy want so many pink ping pong balls and where were they going? He asked.
"My son. You are the most precious thing in the world to me and I can certainly get you this, but may I ask, why do you want
... keep reading on reddit β‘It's called godzillow
but they're the ones that keep requesting contactless delivery!
He sits down and orders a beer
Then hears a soft voice say "That's a really good color on you"
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone, shrugs, and sips his beer.
Shortly there after he hears another study voice whisper "That's a really nice tie"
Looking at the bartender the man says "Do you hear those voices? Because no one else is here except you and me!"
The bartender says "Oh yeah.. Sorry about that.. Its the peanuts, they are complimentary"
They don't make sense
Anticipating nasty tweets.
It's Erie
"It was a Shih Tzu"
Now I want my Nickelback.
I've been trying to use it but it just leaves me feeling empty inside.
Phillip the 3rd
That spoke volumes.
I just like to drink it
Pessimist: "That cup is half empty." Engineer: "Why are we making the cups so big?"
I said because she is a pessimist.
Because thereβs not a single person there
You canβt find a single person in it.
Because there wasnβt a single person there
Because there isn't a single person in the room
There's not a single person there
Because there isn't a single person there.
I said, βWhy would I want two empty glasses?β
