Batman: “Alfred, please fill up the bathtub”
Alfred: “Sir? What’s a htub ”
How many bottles of each perfume will it take to completely fill one shelf?
So my wife is getting some medical tests done (we’re expecting our second child) and had to bring home a urine sample cup to fill up and bring back to the clinic the next day.
She asks me to bring it drop it off at the lab for her and I ask, “where do I drop it off?”
She says, “Go in the front door and there’s a little desk that you -“
“Don’t you mean a LITTLE STOOL!?”
... I hope you guys enjoy that as much as I did. True story happened today!
I recently hired a guy to fill some stuff in for me
Filler filler filler filler filler filler
As a globe restorer, I never turn down projects where I have to fill in missing countries or islands. But missing equators?
That’s when I draw the line.
Mom complained when I asked for a few dollars in quarters to fill up my car’s tires.
Dad looked at me, shrugged and said “Inflation.”
How many ants does it take to fill an apartment?
What do you get if you fill a shampoo bottle with chocolate sauce?
I had to fill in several post holes yesterday.
I didn’t want them to make offense.
I saw a guy drink a bottle of brandy, then fill it to the top with water and screw the lid back on.
He approached a wild ox. The ox looked at him.
The guy said, "Hello, there, wild ox. Would you like to buy this bottle of brandy from me? £50, that is all."
The wild ox mulled it over, before pulling out the money and handing it over to the man.
In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have jumped up and yelled, "It's a con, yak!"
What do Mike and Sulley fill their pens with?
It used to be free to fill your car tire up with air. Now it coasts 1.50. You know why?
Cut the potatoes into penis shapes and fill your boat with them. Now you are the captain of a ...
The decision for a liquid to fill the shape of whatever container they are in is...
Stan Lee says go forth and fill the void
My inflatable dock burst after my friends kept telling me to fill it with more air.
The teacher asked, "what does the nose fill with?" Jimmy answered, "boogers."
The teacher replied, "good but that's snot the answer I was looking for."
The graveyard has started to fill up
People are literally dying to get inside
What do you get when you dig a hole in the ground and fill it with denim?
Why did the man fill his attic up with Helium?
We were on a road trip and stopped to fill up
Everyone got out to pee and get snacks. I stretched getting out of the car and I farted. My 16yo daughter said, "Dad, that's gross."
I said, "Why? After all we are at the GAS station."
We get to foster a shelter dog for a while to fill the place of our beloved late dog.
We'll just call it a subwoofer.
Whenever my dad goes to get gas he says “regular please” and when the gas station attendant (we live in Oregon) asks “fill?” my dad replies
“No, Fred, nice to meet you”
Why would anyone fill a box with 2000 tiny pieces of cardboard.
I have this tin can that’s translucent and never seems to fill up when I put things into it. Its top has smooth edges so it never cuts my fingers and it opens easily without a can opener...
Today my mom turns 53, and it's tradition that my dad fills the kitchen with posters before she wakes up, wishing her a happy birthday. This year's were some of his worst (best) work.
I really have a thing for dumb girls. Just met one who can't fill out multiple choices surveys
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
My dad let me borrow his 2010 Saab and told me to make sure to fill it with Premium...
imgur.com/IqjEFiP
when i relize lays doesnt fill their bags all the way
I start to think they're Lays-y
I dared a guy to fill up his piggy bank with one penny every year for one hundred years.
He said he wouldn’t do it.
Cause it would take a cent-ury.
When I first started driving, you could fill your tires for free. Nowadays every machine costs at least a buck...
I went to fill up my car's wheels today, but was shocked it was twice as expensive!
Inflation prices are getting out of hand.
I noticed the other day that you now have to pay to fill your tires with air at a gas station.
[need help] I have to host a fake wedding and I wanna fill my sermon with as much puns as possible
I think I'll start with "What is love? Baby don't hurt me", but then I have to say "we're gathered here today, ect.." and finish with "you may now kiss the bride",
It'll last about 1 minute, and I wanna really embarrass them. Any ideas?
What do you call a water dispenser that only fills the glass half full?
Fill a bottle with concrete and then take the plastic off so you have a concrete bottle
It’s pretty useless but at least it’s a concrete idea
I was never able to spell well, so this one is mine. He shall be named Fill, and he shall be mine.
imgur.com/PDxyta8
I've been letting my mustache fill out lately and I must say...
How many ants does it take to fill an entire apartment?
It used to be free to fill your car tire up with air. Now it costs 1.50.
How many ants does it take to fill an apartment?
How many ants does it take to fill an apartment?
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