When the flood receded... (A Math joke)

Noah let out all the animals. Two by two, they disembarked from the ark.

As Noah breathed a sigh of relief, the two snakes that were on the ark came up.

β€œNoah, Noah!” they cried. β€œCan you get us some logs?”

Noah, groaning, complied with the request.

Months pass. Noah is making some food in his home when the two snakes he gave logs return with their kids. A lot of them.

They ask, β€œCan you get us more logs?”

Noah, clearly pissed, says, β€œFine. But why the hell do you need logs to reproduce?”

The dad snake replies, β€œOh, we’re adders, we need logs to multiply.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElsonDaSushiChef
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
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Did you hear about the villain who was charged with trying to flood the city?

He denied everything, but the police found substantial levy dents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phryggian
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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How do you find the right book in a library that was caught in a flood?

Using the mildewey decimal system!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BootsyBootsyBoom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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Many years after the great flood, God came to Noah again and spoke: β€œNoah, it is my wish that you build another ark.”

Rather worried, Noah said β€œBut my Lord, have the people not been good this time? Must there be another flood?”

β€œNo, there will not be a flood, the people have been good.” Said the Lord.

β€œThen why another ark?” Asked Noah.

β€œI wish for this ark to only house fish.” The Lord replied.

A slightly confused Noah responded β€œOkay... I shall do as you wish my Lord.”

β€œBut not just any fish; only carp.” The Lord said unto him.

Noah, now more bemused, replied β€œUh- okay my Lord.”

β€œOne more thing.” The Lord said unto him β€œit needs to have multiple levels.”

β€œAre you sure my Lord? What is the purpose of this? What on earth is it all for?” Noah pressed.

And God said: β€œI want you to build a multi-story carp-ark.”

Passed from my father unto me, to pass onto my son when he becomes a father.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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Some years after the flood, Noah wanted to sail again

Unfortunately, he didn't remember where he arked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ewormPL
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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Why Do You Have To Act Quickly During A Flood

Because it's an emergent sea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackKeogh01
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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What's a flood then
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoolGuyPual
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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My dad recently started his job at the sewage plant, and already busted a pipe and caused a flood.

His boss found out, and now he’s in deep shit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xianthamist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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There was a flood at a fashion store

All the clothes are now Superwet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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I live in an apartment building, and my neighbour, Nami, on the floor above me, managed to flood my entire apartment! There are practically tidal waves in my kitchen. She refuses to pay for the cleanup, too.

I don't know if this was the right choice, but I decided to tsunami.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KasenPringle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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Ever wonder how Noah survive the flood?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RorschachEmpire
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
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Stuck in a flood? Don’t cry

You’ll only make it worse

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andyh10s
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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I met this guy who thought he was Poseidon and he was gonna cause a flood.

I think he was just deluge-ional.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WarriorsDawn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
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What is it called when Venice has a flood?

Canalbalism

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IrishAnthem
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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What pops info the head of someone jumping from 6th flood?

His spine.

(i meant into not info)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hugojet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
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I once saw a pirate flood a tavern

Let that sink inn!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmethystLuke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
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The floods had subsided, and Noah had safely landed his ark on Mount Sinai. "Go forth and multiply!" he told the animals...

...and so off they went two by two, and within a few weeks Noah heard the chatter of tiny monkeys, the snarl of tiny tigers and the stomp of baby elephants.

Then he heard something he didn't recognise… a loud, revving buzz coming from the woods. He went in to find out what strange animal's offspring was making this noise, and discovered a pair of snakes wielding a chainsaw.

"What on earth are you doing?" he cried. "You're destroying the trees!"

"Well Noah," the snakes replied, "we tried to multiply as you bade us, but we're adders… so we have to use logs."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bittibitti
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
🚨︎ report
My town was hit by a flood

The marina is now under water so I guess it is now a submariner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Driconian
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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TIL: Some farmers in Bangladesh have switched to raising ducks instead of chickens, because during catastrophic floods, ducks float.

Sounds like they're a bunch of quacks to me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tehjukebox
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
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found this old classic while i was packing to move, the memories and nostalgia hit me like a Flood. imgur.com/9FlTV9c
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spudmcnally
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2013
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I was going to divert the river to flood Paris...

But I didn't want to cause a Seine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theotherpurple
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2016
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Angel: "Will be there anyone surviving the Flood?"

God: "I Noah guy"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOnlyFuhrer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2017
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Where did the witchy drones head to as the flood waters rose?

The ark of the coven ant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sandysingssongs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2017
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Why did the gym coach flood the gym?

So he could send in a Sub.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cromosapien
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2017
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I hear they want to flood Russia in knee high water

I keep hearing talk about giving the country sank shins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2017
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One of my friends in Colorado posted about the rain causing floods "of biblical proportion" and this picture was the first response.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ILikeLampz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2013
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There was a flood in the grocery store!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RenaKunisaki
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2014
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Why must you act quickly during a flood?

Because it's an emergent sea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kas0510
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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You have to act quickly during a flood.

Because it's an emergent sea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaranon
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report

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