When the flood receded... (A Math joke)

Noah let out all the animals. Two by two, they disembarked from the ark.

As Noah breathed a sigh of relief, the two snakes that were on the ark came up.

βNoah, Noah!β they cried. βCan you get us some logs?β

Noah, groaning, complied with the request.

Months pass. Noah is making some food in his home when the two snakes he gave logs return with their kids. A lot of them.

They ask, βCan you get us more logs?β

Noah, clearly pissed, says, βFine. But why the hell do you need logs to reproduce?β

The dad snake replies, βOh, weβre adders, we need logs to multiply.β

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π€︎ u/ElsonDaSushiChef
π︎ Mar 25 2021
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Did you hear about the villain who was charged with trying to flood the city?

He denied everything, but the police found substantial levy dents.

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π€︎ u/phryggian
π︎ Dec 11 2020
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How do you find the right book in a library that was caught in a flood?

Using the mildewey decimal system!

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π€︎ u/BootsyBootsyBoom
π︎ Nov 08 2020
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Many years after the great flood, God came to Noah again and spoke: βNoah, it is my wish that you build another ark.β

Rather worried, Noah said βBut my Lord, have the people not been good this time? Must there be another flood?β

βNo, there will not be a flood, the people have been good.β Said the Lord.

βThen why another ark?β Asked Noah.

βI wish for this ark to only house fish.β The Lord replied.

A slightly confused Noah responded βOkay... I shall do as you wish my Lord.β

βBut not just any fish; only carp.β The Lord said unto him.

Noah, now more bemused, replied βUh- okay my Lord.β

βOne more thing.β The Lord said unto him βit needs to have multiple levels.β

βAre you sure my Lord? What is the purpose of this? What on earth is it all for?β Noah pressed.

And God said: βI want you to build a multi-story carp-ark.β

Passed from my father unto me, to pass onto my son when he becomes a father.

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π€︎ u/Dongwaffler
π︎ Oct 08 2020
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Some years after the flood, Noah wanted to sail again

Unfortunately, he didn't remember where he arked.

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π€︎ u/ewormPL
π︎ Jun 04 2020
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Why Do You Have To Act Quickly During A Flood

Because it's an emergent sea.

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π€︎ u/JackKeogh01
π︎ Jul 19 2019
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What's a flood then
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π€︎ u/CoolGuyPual
π︎ Jun 13 2019
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My dad recently started his job at the sewage plant, and already busted a pipe and caused a flood.

His boss found out, and now heβs in deep shit.

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π€︎ u/Xianthamist
π︎ Jan 07 2020
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There was a flood at a fashion store

All the clothes are now Superwet

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π€︎ u/kishenoy
π︎ Feb 15 2020
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I live in an apartment building, and my neighbour, Nami, on the floor above me, managed to flood my entire apartment! There are practically tidal waves in my kitchen. She refuses to pay for the cleanup, too.

I don't know if this was the right choice, but I decided to tsunami.

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π€︎ u/KasenPringle
π︎ Oct 29 2019
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Ever wonder how Noah survive the flood?
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π€︎ u/RorschachEmpire
π︎ Mar 27 2019
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Stuck in a flood? Donβt cry

Youβll only make it worse

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π€︎ u/Andyh10s
π︎ Jan 18 2019
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I met this guy who thought he was Poseidon and he was gonna cause a flood.

I think he was just deluge-ional.

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π€︎ u/WarriorsDawn
π︎ Apr 17 2018
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What is it called when Venice has a flood?

Canalbalism

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π€︎ u/IrishAnthem
π︎ Apr 25 2019
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What pops info the head of someone jumping from 6th flood?

His spine.

(i meant into not info)

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π€︎ u/hugojet
π︎ Nov 23 2018
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I once saw a pirate flood a tavern

Let that sink inn!

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π€︎ u/AmethystLuke
π︎ Sep 04 2018
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The floods had subsided, and Noah had safely landed his ark on Mount Sinai. "Go forth and multiply!" he told the animals...

...and so off they went two by two, and within a few weeks Noah heard the chatter of tiny monkeys, the snarl of tiny tigers and the stomp of baby elephants.

Then he heard something he didn't recogniseβ¦ a loud, revving buzz coming from the woods. He went in to find out what strange animal's offspring was making this noise, and discovered a pair of snakes wielding a chainsaw.

"What on earth are you doing?" he cried. "You're destroying the trees!"

"Well Noah," the snakes replied, "we tried to multiply as you bade us, but we're addersβ¦ so we have to use logs."

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π€︎ u/bittibitti
π︎ Feb 01 2018
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My town was hit by a flood

The marina is now under water so I guess it is now a submariner.

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π€︎ u/Driconian
π︎ Feb 28 2019
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TIL: Some farmers in Bangladesh have switched to raising ducks instead of chickens, because during catastrophic floods, ducks float.

Sounds like they're a bunch of quacks to me.

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π€︎ u/tehjukebox
π︎ Oct 16 2018
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found this old classic while i was packing to move, the memories and nostalgia hit me like a Flood. imgur.com/9FlTV9c
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π€︎ u/spudmcnally
π︎ Jul 30 2013
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I was going to divert the river to flood Paris...

But I didn't want to cause a Seine.

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π€︎ u/theotherpurple
π︎ Nov 14 2016
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Angel: "Will be there anyone surviving the Flood?"

God: "I Noah guy"

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π€︎ u/TheOnlyFuhrer
π︎ Jun 29 2017
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Where did the witchy drones head to as the flood waters rose?

The ark of the coven ant.

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π€︎ u/sandysingssongs
π︎ Nov 13 2017
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Why did the gym coach flood the gym?

So he could send in a Sub.

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π€︎ u/cromosapien
π︎ Sep 17 2017
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I hear they want to flood Russia in knee high water

I keep hearing talk about giving the country sank shins.

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π€︎ u/Calthropstu
π︎ Mar 01 2017
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One of my friends in Colorado posted about the rain causing floods "of biblical proportion" and this picture was the first response.
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π€︎ u/ILikeLampz
π︎ Sep 13 2013
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There was a flood in the grocery store!
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π€︎ u/RenaKunisaki
π︎ Feb 23 2014
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Why must you act quickly during a flood?

Because it's an emergent sea.

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π€︎ u/kas0510
π︎ Jun 12 2019
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You have to act quickly during a flood.

Because it's an emergent sea.

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π€︎ u/Jaranon
π︎ May 06 2019
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