Therapist: A void?
Me: Thatβs good advice. Thanks.
My dad: "People must be dying to get in."
But now heβs glue tin free.
Because thereβs not a single person there
Theyβre so remarkable!
A hand sani-teaser....
....
....
Because you think you're going to get your hand sanitized, but you don't, cause it's empty, so it's teasing you...
Yeah?
Yeah?
aww....
He doesn't see the bartender behind the bar so figures he must be back in the stockroom. As the man walks across the floor he hears a quiet voice say....."nice pants!"
He looks around but sees no one, there are no other people in the bar. He shrugs it off and keeps moving towards the bar.
Then he hears....."your hair looks great!"
Again, he looks around but doesn't see anyone. A little freaked out, he takes a seat at the bar and hears....."I like your tie!"
At that moment, the bartender emerges from the back room and asks "howdy sir, what can I get you?"
The man replies "well, I'll have a whiskey, but I have to tell you the strangest thing has happened to me since I walked in. I keep hearing some voice that keeps saying nice things about me. I must really need that drink I guess."
The bartender smiles and says "ahh, don't worry about it, that happens sometimes, it's probably just the peanuts".
"The peanuts?" asked the man, even more confused.
"Yes, the peanuts" explains the bartender.....
"they're complimentary"
:)
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
I thought it was a safe bet.
"You need to buy a different size bra!"
When he was finished, he looked at the other dog and said, βClean up that mess.β
The other dog sniffed the pile and said, βNope. Thatβs your asphalt!β
Cents
It's called godzillow
Eye Fillet.
but they're the ones that keep requesting contactless delivery!
A game warden caught a man fishing without a licence "You're going to have to pay a big fine for all those fish in your bucket," said the warden.
"But officer," the fisherman replied, "I didn't catch these - they are my pet fish and I just bring them here to swim. When they're done, they jump back in the bucket."
"Oh, really? This i've got to see. If you can prove it, i'll let you go without a fine."
The fisherman emptied the bucket into the lake and waited patiently. A few minutes went by and nothing happened.
"So where are the fish?" asked the warden.
"What fish?"
He sits down and orders a beer
Then hears a soft voice say "That's a really good color on you"
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone, shrugs, and sips his beer.
Shortly there after he hears another study voice whisper "That's a really nice tie"
Looking at the bartender the man says "Do you hear those voices? Because no one else is here except you and me!"
The bartender says "Oh yeah.. Sorry about that.. Its the peanuts, they are complimentary"
They don't make sense
Anticipating nasty tweets.
I was confused, but they seemed friendly. I told them what was going on, and they said: open the gas cap. One by one, each bee flew into the tank, and to my astonishment the gas gage went from empty to full. The bees said: start the car. So, I did and it ran. I asked them: what did you put in the tank? Bee pee.
My wife cracks open an empty fortune cookie and asks, βWhat kind of fortune cookie doesnβt have a fortune??β I chuckle between bites and say, βCall it a ... cookie.β
It really wasnβt funny but I havenβt laughed so hard in so long I ended up choking on my fried rice.
It's Erie
That spoke volumes.
"It was a Shih Tzu"
Now I want my Nickelback.
Phillip the 3rd
I just like to drink it
It can also write other words too.
Because theyβre wa-fulls not waff-empties.
...βMOM! DAD CALLED ME A LITTLE MORON!!β
Their wifi password is " our40yrsoldbaby", i mean come on I'm 45.
Happy Thanksgiving, Canada!
I said I don't have too many loose screws.
She smiled.
Now it's just a waist of space.
I was stranded in a deserted aisle...
I told her βthatβs unfortunateβ.
Nothing scares me
You canβt find a single person in it.
Because there wasnβt a single person there
Because there isn't a single person in the room
There's not a single person there
Because there isn't a single person there.
I said, βWhy would I want two empty glasses?β
Why would I want two empty wine glasses.
"Why on Earth would I want two empty glasses?" I asked.
