"Timeless" Actual Dad Joke From Actual Dad (Mine)

This is said every time my entire family gets on a plane -- admittedly infrequently -- and we're taxiing on the runway:

(Dad, gazing out the window of the plane with a look of wonder affixed to his face)

"Look at all those people down there. They look like ants."

(pause)

"Wait, they ARE ants."

(family groans, as we have for 25 years or more).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_cornbread_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
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Timeless
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrbmi513
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
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Nothing goes wrong on my watch
πŸ‘︎ 243
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nashyj495
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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Dad, can I ask you a question?

You just did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bp1108
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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What’s the difference between snowmen and snow women?

Snowballs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bishboshTV
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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My grandfather’s broken watch is as relevant to my family today as it was to him 50 years ago.

It’s a timeless piece, really.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Apodyosist
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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What does a clock do when it's hungry?

It goes back four seconds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScruffyAF
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
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I gifted my friend a belt made of watches

He told me it was just a waist of time

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ValiantWaffle777
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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They're finally making a movie called "Clocks"...

It's about time...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2016
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"Should I call you Matt or Matthew?"

"I usually go by either." "Okay Either, nice to meet you!"

πŸ‘︎ 997
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πŸ‘€︎ u/proletarium
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2014
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I asked my wife why she likes reading books about black holes.

She said β€œbecause they are timeless”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wimple007
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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I decided not to put my watch on today before going out.

I wanted to have a timeless look.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrumSpace
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
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Why didn't the famous clock in the art museum work?

It was a timeless piece of art

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StuntsMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
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Lost my watch in a party yesterday.

Saw a man step on it while harassing a girl.

I said, β€œNo one does that to a woman. Not on my watch.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
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An untimely classic

Dad: Hey look at that clock over there! That's one nice clock!

Me: Ya, I guess.

10 seconds later

Dad: Hey remember when we were talking about clocks earlier? Good times...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Peter_the_Punda
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2014
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The don’t wear a watch

Because I am timeless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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I bought a vintage WWII watch that had the face destroyed in combat

It’s timeless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xbodogx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
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The past, the present and the future all walk into a bar at the same time ..........

It was a tense situation .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoProDad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2016
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Hey kids, do you know why my digital watch face is always blank?

Because I prefer my watch to have that timeless look.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2017
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sooo... I guess I'm my sister's dad now

My sister works with little kids at a camp

Me: So what did you guys do at camp during the storm?

Sister: We watched The Land Before Time

Me: Ah, a timeless classic!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/npw7321
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2014
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My Rolex stopped working the other day

It's a timeless classic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phunkosaurus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2014
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Dad- joked my dad today!

talking about a watch he gave me

Dad- "I like it because it's such a classic design, but it's modern enough to not be irreplaceable. It's timeless"

Me- "I'd hope not!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/idostuffalso
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2015
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Got my girlfriend tonight ...

As we were lookong for the year that Harold and Kumar go to White Castle was made on the dvd case ..

Her: I can't find it, its not on the case.

Me: well then, I guess that means its Timeless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/taterr_salad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
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My pocket watch necklace broke last week...

"I like your necklace! That style is timeless."

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2013
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