The rabbit says, "I think I'm type-o."
Technically it's a mom joke since my mother-in-law told me....but I still laughed a lot.
you are probably aiming too high.”
C'thru'lu
"You're too young to smoke!"
Whoops wrong Sub.
Commenting on Paul McCartney
"God that guitar player, he's going to go a long way, I got a feeling"
https://youtu.be/ytlqn8Da7bY?t=1m16s
How about a graphical meme for a change?
I think she's going to take me up on it.
A senõr citizen
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
Yog-urt and elder berries.
"Wow! I didn't think you'd like rap music!"
"I didn't, either," the old man replied. "It all started after my hip op".
He gave sage advice.
I had an elderly patient today who was visibly upset, almost to the point of tears. I asked her if she was worried about having her blood drawn and she said that the blood draw didn’t bother her, but that she was upset because she had hit a cat with her car on the way to her appointment this morning. She said that she didn’t know who the cat belonged to and that she had it wrapped up in a blanket in her car. I asked her how badly the cat was hurt and she said “I think he’s going to be alright. I just clipped the hind end of him, but his tail is just barely hanging on. After I leave here, I’m taking him straight to Wal-Mart.”
I told her that she might be better off taking the cat to a veterinary clinic instead of Wal-Mart and she said, “but it’s just his tail, and Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in North America!”
They made it Up.
Glancing at the car he was astounded to see that the elderly woman behind the wheel was knitting
The trooper crank down his window and yelled to the driver “pull over”
“No!” yelled the woman “it’s a cardigan”
Papa Razzi
He picks up the ketchup bottle, glances at it and gives a hearty chuckle before slathering his brat in ketchup.
Puzzled, the woman watches as the next customer, a young girl, walks up to order her hot dog.
As she takes the container of relish, she bursts into a fit of giggles and walks off with her food, still laughing merrily.
A middle-aged man steps up next. Shoveling sauerkraut onto his hot dog, he laughs uproariously and walks away grinning.
When she reaches the front of the line, the woman asks the hot dog vendor,
“Excuse me, sir, but why does everyone laugh when they get their hot dogs?”
“It’s simple, ma’am.” he says, handing her a piping-hot sausage. “I’m surprised you haven’t discovered for yourself.”
Glancing at the mustard, the woman lets loose a peal of laughter.
“Ya see, ma’am? The real_joke’s always in the condiments!"
That old lady was off her rocker!
Fall.
Old Yeller
The other couldn’t reach.
So I pushed her over.
I can't wait to put E.I.E.I.O. on my resume!
Seated at the bar is an elderly lady, mid eighties.
The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
Hip-pop!
The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.
The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.
The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
Deaf defying!
Gandhi, by the time he died, he was a very thin and elderly man who had walked almost everywhere he went barefoot causing thick pads on the bottom of his feet. He was also an extremely wise man who many considered a seer, and he ate ethnic Indian cuisine causing bad breath........Turns out he was a super fragile calloused mystic hexed by halitosis.
My job is in raisin awareness.
is walking in St. Petersburg Square one cold evening, when a light precipitation begins to fall.
"It looks like rain", said the man.
"Oh no dear, it's definitely snow. Look at the way it blows in the light", said the woman.
The man turns to his wife and says, "Let's ask the military officer over there. Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely rain, sir!"
"See, Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"
What a Gentle.... Moment!
But the two elderly men were speaking a foreign language.
After a few minutes of silently watching them, my friend finally asks me: "Is that Russian?"
"No," I replied, "it's Czech, Mate."
The rhyme of the ancient mariner.
Standing in line at the grocery store with an eldary couple standing just behind me I heard the following conversation. Man: (He notices the strawberries on display) Oh look, they have strawberries. (extends his arm to pick up a box) Woman: They're not local, they're probably Polish or something. Man: I'm going to eat them, not talk to them.
People said it was tasteless.
